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Text of the page (random words):
all kids do when they have time to themselves after a dance both my parents are alcoholics he took a long shuddering breath pop beat up on mom all the time horrified katie asked you and aaron too no just her over the years i lost all respect for her because she wouldn t leave him not even now when she can uh josh way to take too lightly what abusive relationships are actually like how they involve emotional mental abuse and not just physical how women may not have the resources to strike out on their own and if their children are not being abused how they may believe their abusive partner s income makes the kids lives better than if they took off without enough money i definitely think the blaming of a beaten woman is the grossest thing i ve seen in any of these books except for perhaps all that crotch tightening talk no it s worse geez lurlene why do you hate women of course there s a race and of course even though there are seasoned adult athletes katie wins and catches the eye of some college track dude you know as a potential student not like in a pervy way hurrah when katie gets home to thank josh for giving her a heart shaped locket uh weird she makes him a scrapbook all about aaron which is actually quite a thoughtful gift when katie asks if he likes it to answer her he put the book aside took her in his arms and kissed her with all the feeling he had stored up and locked away in his heart throughout his lifetime whaaaat please dudes don t ever try to kiss me with all of your repressed memories so i totally thought the book was basically over but this is the lurleneverse so katie gets the flu which is super bad not superbad because of all the immune suppressants she s on because of the transplant she is totally dying but then josh goes outside and sees a plant fighting for life and just knows that since that plant can make it so can katie he goes inside and tells katie s parents this then the book ends what the hell freaky weird dumbass boring cliffhanger book i think josh pops up in one of those later olw books so perhaps we will find out geez guys i apologize for the utter lameness of this book i only hope my next escapade will bring us more excitement and adventure posted by ames at 12 30 am 10 comments labels 1990s cardio myopathy death of family member one last wish organ donation organ transplant wednesday january 14 2009 people got a lotta nerve off topic perhaps but from http www antilabelblog com today we are especially happy to bring you people got a lotta nerve the first single from neko case s forthcoming album middle cyclone out march 3 because for every blog that reposts the song and or ilike user who adds it to their profile neko case and anti will make a cash donation to best friends animal society the promotion will run from january 13 to february 3 2009 five dollars will be donated for every blog post and one dollar for every user of ilike that adds the song to his her profile people got a lotta nerve neko case i ll be back with a new blog post in the next day or so everyone posted by ames at 2 57 pm 2 comments labels music off topic personal friday january 9 2009 this brain tumor doubles as birth control or letting go of lisa gentle readers i have returned and i am millions thanks for all of the emails and comments and blog posts regarding my absence it s good to be back in the lurleneverse where i belong i mean except i don t at all you also might notice the beautiful logo now gracing this blog normally my friends earn ya inspired nicknames when featured on this blog but i will pimp out my multi talented and adorable friend val who you should totes hire for all your graphic design needs i am kickstarting my triumphant return with a book my darling friend kristy sent me from her fancy book job letting go of lisa 2006 i was super intrigued by it because the cover didn t look like our normal angelic flowery look toward the heavens sort of thing and hey i learned that lesson along with everyone else but let s be honest here i still totes judge books by their covers and what does that cover look like well folks i m glad you asked uhh is it just me or does that dude look a lot like john simm then i thought ooh maybe the book is about john simm getting into a car accident and then waking up in the lurleneverse however i was wrong i also thought given the title and the image perhaps it was literally about letting go of lisa and therefore falling off a motorcycle and facing i dunno death coma need of organ transplant discovery of hidden cancer like when that kid got it playing baseball luckily such things as synopses exist so all y alls can find out what it s actually about nathan malone has been homeschooled his whole life he s never spent much time with kids his own age and he s never dated his mother is now busy with his new twin sisters so nathan must enroll at the local high school for his senior year on the first day a girl on a motorcycle catches his eye and nathan is excited to discover the girl is also in his english class not only does lisa ride a motorcycle to school but she s a loner who seems to come and go as she pleases she doesn t care what anybody thinks of her nathan is intrigued he s never met anyone like her or had such strong feelings when he and lisa finally start spending time together he s the happiest he s ever been but lisa has a tragic secret and when she decides she ll handle it herself nathan has to make a choice can he ever let go of lisa i don t know can he so the book opens with our protag nathan malone he s starting his senior year of high school going back to a public school for the first time since his mom started homeschooling him in the sixth grade now before long we get all of this omg before the thing happened expositiony crap so i thought all of that was gonna be tied into why nathan s mom started homeschooling him but no this is never actually explained nathan s mom is just better than you so that s why oh except for when she s an overprotective bitch to be fair that s the kind of characterization i can almost believe i m just saying lurlene bring up something and also bring up a secret family tragedy and you d better effing connect them ok so anyways nathan at least knows one person at school his friend and neighbor skeet skeet do you guys think it s skeet ulrich this picture is australian which may or may not explain how strange it is so nathan s all stresso mcstressington because there are all these people and hallways and classrooms and omfg but the truth is i can relate because when i was in seventh grade i went to this really shitty catholic school where the entire grade was made up of four girls and nine guys and then the next year i transferred to public school into an eighth grade of approximately 250 people i feel your pain nathan nathan is also freaked because while he was snailing his car into the parking lot someone on a motorcycle cut him off and gave him the finger oh my heavens our homeschooler is shocked at the identity of the finger giver a girl most of the girls nathan knew were homeschooled like him younger all giggly and silly and they didn t ride cycles and flash rude hand gestures apparently this girl is lisa who the whole world s obsessed with because she s a loner and drives this black and silver bike with a red heart painted on it and has long brown hair and creamy skin and let s be honest here if i d gone to school with lisa i would have been obsessed with her too she fits the description of all my girl crushes also i gotta admit that bike sounds hella sweet also shut the front door did lurlene come up with a cool character who actually sounds vaguely cool good thing i m sitting down already nathan says that the bike almost creamed him which makes me kind of uncomfortable anyways skeet s all gaga not a guy in the school who wouldn t give up his car speakers to get a tumble is that what the kids are calling it these days from lisa she s a knockout transferred in as a junior last january keeps to herself though i call her a heartache on a harley skeet pressed his hand over his heart i pressed my hand over my mouth as not to spew lisa s the only one who s ever stood up the school s star athlete and most popular jockass guess what his name is are you guys ready this is so good rod roddy stewart no relation to the rocker oh my god now if i wrote this effing book which uh why would i write this effing book i wouldn t let a seventeen year old refer to rod stewart as the rocker but that old guy my mom still crushes on gross though disclaimer my mom hates rod stewart and would be ashamed i said that even hypothetically my bet is nathan s mom is all over him though i mean in her mind sorry mom also i always think it s weird when there s a dude in your book named rod stewart for no apparent reason there are like countless names you don t have to pick one that matches a celebrity s i assume lurlene finished up the manuscript and her editor or agent was like uhhh lurlene do you realize you ve named a character rod stewart and instead of doing a find replace she threw in that little disclaimer way to get attached to something dumb also way to speculate ames skeet proposes that instead of going home after school they stay to drool over the cheerleaders uh did any of you boys in high school actually talk like that be aware if you answer yes we are no longer friends so at home after school nathan s dad is cool but his mom who had to stop homeschooling nathan because now there are twin baby girls is a royal heinous beotch she s overprotective and talks about nathan in front of him like he s not even there oh my god it s like she s someone s mom or something sorry nathan she s not actually that bad she s just your mom shut up as nathan s leaving the room he gives a meaningful look at the refrigerator where a ratty old decaying piece of paper holding a child s drawing hangs molly s last drawing wow do you guys think this is gonna be important so do you guys want to know how nathan and skeet formed their bond another sore spot in skeet s life a cold mother whose job was more important than raising a kid and a stepfather who was downright mean to skeet skeet s parents used to lock him out on weekends rain or shine and nathan s family would take him in like a stray puppy oh shut up they did not if they actually did nathan s family did not do the right thing by taking him in what they should have done was called family fucking services nathan and skeet got to be friends and bonded over their shared lurve of country music nathan clarifies it s not the twangy kind but the new kind so basically the kind that totally sucks anyways nathan plays guitar and skeet plays keyboard keyboard do you need a keyboard in a new country band hey you guys let s form a new country band we will call ourselves the lurleneverse and we will rule all nathan proposes he writes a song about skeet getting stripped and shoved in front of a bunch of cheerleaders by the jocks god i hate high school called i caught your heart while chasing after pigskin blues and skeet pronounces that demented demented the fuck i do not think that word means what you you think it means right after that there s also a passage i debated writing about so i guess the pro side won out but basically nathan s twin baby sisters are loud and he says they re both screamers and i felt really uncomfortable because i just don t know anyone who uses that term outside of a sexual context but that could just be my perverted nature as well as the perverted nature of the people i know because let s be real i do not exist in a vacuum but please people don t refer to your baby siblings or your babies or anyone s babies as screamers to me ok so nathan thinks he is a super writer luckily he has the best writing teacher everrrrrrrr mr fuller every week mr fuller reads submissions identified only by number but only the best of the best nathan knows he ll be the first submission read he s number 705 if you re a betting type of person to that skeet replies i can t wait to see the movie which i had to read like ten times because it doesn t make any effing sense does skeet understand that not all writing is a screenplay now i m positive it s skeet ulrich the other excellent thing about mr fuller s class is that nathan gets to sit behind the lovely lisa skeet s all you are totally falling for her and nathan s all nuh uh i am not i just talk about her all the time with you for no reason at all skeet pointed his finger at nathan in an imitation of firing a gun pow dead meat at lisa s feet nathan tries to get to work on his writing submission that ll make fuller orgasm but he can t concentrate because he keeps thinking about lisa and how he wants to bury his face in her hair what is with all these hair fetishists in the lurleneverse nathan and skeet are basically effing stalking lisa to be fair isn t that what you dooooo with your high school crushes i used to have a crush on this dude who worked at a grocery store so i walked there every day and got a candy bar then my friend told me he was gonna think i was fat if i kept doing that so even though my parents owned a restaurant down the street where i could get all the free soda i wanted i bought a diet coke every day i chose diet coke for two reasons neither of which being that i drank it though today it is my number one love in life sorry friends family and pets 1 he would never think i was fat if i bought diet coke and 2 paula abdul endorsed it also i didn t have the nerve to like get his number or something so my friends and i schemed and the best plan we came up with was for one of them to ask him what his sign was and then tell him that question was from me it sort of backfired when he didn t know what his own sign was also because that is the dumbest plan ever anyways even though often this older dude drops her off on her own motorcycle they don t think he s her boyfriend because no kisses goodbye no tonsil exploration is that sop around here the tongue tangles skeet shrugged if anyone ever tries to french you and dubs it the tongue tangles get the fuck out of there because this is not someone who knows wtf they are talking about also i don t picture kissing i picture actual tangling gross so nathan and lisa fiiiiiinally speak and they sort of flirt but then lisa retreats lisa s got game i will give her that you guys i m sorry but even though nathan and skeet are goons lisa s kind of cool also she has blue violet eyes a color nathan has never seen before are anyone s eyes actually that color does she also sparkle in the sunlight oh also this will be important later lisa skips class a lot ooh lisa you rebel when nathan gets home that night from school his mom is planting a new plant this is important it happens every september wake me up when september ends nathan s thinking crap like geez mom it s been fourteen years shutttt upppppp but at least offers to dig a hole his m...