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Text of the page (random words):
at i conveniently call home because that could possibly initiate a dramatic waterwork and before you start throwing your judgemental opinions on me i have my own reasons to say so in which case i have the slightest interest to elaborate more on ok i lied i ll tell you why in a bit but bear in mind that the reasonings i outlined below are of bite sized they don t articulately represent what i have in mind and in heart here s just a fraction of the bigger perspective of things maybe i m just plain ungrateful or maybe i m just too absorbed living in a place so uplifting that it makes me think and most importantly it makes me believe that it s my home malaysia has become so distant so foreign and so strange it made me think twice of going back i didn t say this out of thin air because i myself have a rich store of anecdotes i probably have lost nearly half of my friends back home because this distance undoubtedly has cracked several joints in the friendship i built throughout my growing years also i m not going home to that familiar musty smell of bed i used to sleep in for the past 10 years before i came here this time around i m getting myself a new room and in fact a new family house that i ve never been to i don t even know how to get from the front door to the kitchen let alone having the address remembered by heart i hate to think that i m a guest in my own house needing guidance to find everything in the house everything has changed my everything that i come home to are now strange things not familiar things anymore i hate that my close friends i mostly spent time with for the past 4 years are all going to be hours away from me we re not going to be a bus ride away from each other and that sucks there s a point where i cried myself to sleep thinking about the remaining days i have here thinking about leaving this playground i m so familiar with i ve succeeded in making myself sounded like a complete b tch didn t i you know there s a saying that once you ve gained your freedom it s almost impossible to have it restored i m going to experience severe withdrawal symptoms for sure i know it s going to be okay eventually in malaysia and everything will fall into places and fit nicely into its moulds but at the same time i m scared shitless ugh i don t know i don t think i can continue writing about this anymore my heart slowly cracks and i don t think it s the best time to be writing my heart when it cracks it pours too and when it pours my writing will become extremely disoriented i better stop now hmm i ll see you later because i need to find myself a tissue ok bye perkahwinan my pov 9 feedback s blabbed by nanue at 6 07 pm minggu ni dah dua kali perihal perkahwinan terlintas dalam kotak minda yang makin lama dirasakan makin sempit sejak sekolah melabuhkan tirai masa yang ada banyak aku isi dengan baca buku cerita memasak dan berfikir tak tahulah semenjak dua menjak ni banyak betul berita perkahwinan yang aku terima ada kawan yang dah mula mencari pasangan ada yang nak bertunang yang plan nak bertunang yang bakal berkahwin setelah bertunang yang telah pregnant yang bakal bersalin tak lama lagi ah semualah semua perkara yang melibatkan dua orang seorang lelaki seorang perempuan dan satu ikatan yang halal hah biasalah kitar hidup gadis sunti dan masih dara bangga bangga macam aku ni dah habis sekolah fikir kerja macam post sebelum ni kan aku dok bising2 apa nak buat lepas ni kan normal lah tu kan nak kerja mana lepas ni haih pening lepas tu pada masa yang sama disebabkan longgokan berita perkahwinan di kiri kanan aku pun terfikir jugaklah pasal calon suami tengok gambar tunang kahwin baby member member aku pun terpanggil untuk berfikir kejap tak tahulah kalau duduk sorang2 dan bermonolog dengan diri sendiri secara jujurnya aku belum bersedia nak jadi milik orang bukanlah secepat tahun depan bukan 2 tahun lagi lama lagi lama sangat ok jangan tanya aku lagi bila nak settle down paling awal pun lagi 5 tahun mungkin ramai yang dah tahu dan bertanya buat apa berkawan lama lama nanue bukan dah 7 tahun ke tunggu apa lagi sejujur jujurnya aku tak yakin dengan diri sendiri tak yakin dengan apa yang ada tak yakin dengan semuanya banyak lagi isu dalaman yang aku kena uruskan sebelum boleh buat keputusan yang aku rasa paling besar dalam hidup macam mana kalau lelaki tu sebenarnya penipu lelaki tu sebenarnya berniat nak main mainkan kau lelaki tu kaki pukul lelaki tu makan luar lepas kahwin macam mana bersedia ke kau macam mana pula kalau aku ni kaki menjawab rebellious dan kalau suasana kerja penuh dengan lelaki macam mana aku nak handle fitnah yang bakal suami aku dengar tapi aku ada sebab untuk takut aku ada hak untuk mempersoalkan semua ni sebab dalam perkahwinan kau pertaruhkan hati jiwa diri dan segala gala yang paling berharga yang kau ada dalam hidup ni risiko adalah 100 biarlah sayang melangit tinggi sekali pun tapi hati jangan dibiar buta dek cinta dunia aku tak nak terperangkap setelah semuanya terlambat tak nak dan tak akan aku mahukan niat hidup bersama tu tidak disertai nafsu tetapi niat seorang hamba allah yang mencari sebahagian agamanya aku tak takutkan tanggungjawab seorang suri aku takutkan niat kenapa lelaki dan perempuan berkahwin aku tak mahu berkahwin itu sekadar menghalal perkara kerana kahwin punya isi yang lagi lebih sekarang hari hari aku berdoa je moga moga satu hari berjumpa dengan si dia yang sebenar benarnya kalau yang sekarang ni bukan hak aku jauhkan saja dia dari aku aku doa supaya dia tunjukkan yang dia bukan hak aku pernah juga terfikir kalau bukan itu orangnya masa aku terbuang banyak untuk lelaki yang tak berhak tak adil untuk yang sebenar benarnya berhak tapi aturan dia cantik dijauhkan aku dari dia sejauh jauh mungkin dan dicampak aku beribu ribu batu terpisah meminimizekan perkara2 tak elok boleh dikatakan 7 tahun kami ini macam takde intipati yelah 2 tahun kat sekolah semuanya sorok dan malu malu lagi takut kantoi kat cikgu 4 tahun di sini balik 3 bulan saja dalam tempoh 4 tahun tu 1bulan dari 3 bulan tu dia makan angin kat europe total berjumpa sepanjang 4 tahun ni 2 bulan 1 tahun tu saya kat taylor s dia kat melaka jumpa jarang sangat sebab baru lepas spm duit tak ada kereta tak ada susah sangat pulak tu dia ada masuk plkn dalam setahun tu total lepas spm 9 bulan total jumpa gayut spend time sama sama dalam tempoh kenal 7 tahun ni 11 bulan tak sampai pun setahun kami couple technically saya berani kerat jari cakap mereka yang baru 5 bulan couple dalam universiti yang sama mungkin dah lebih banyak kali berjumpa dan lebih kenal pasangan dari kami yang dah 7 tahun ni saya berani jamin kami punyalah jarang berjumpa sampai kadang tu k ami pernah bergurau cakap macam ni nanti kalau kahwin kita msn and text lagi tau tak biasa ah face to face ha sampai macam tu sekali rship ni 99 50 based on technology not our hearts thoroughly tak caya pergi usha fb kami photos in common 4 itupun gambar dia yang kawan tag aku and gambar menarik yang aku tag dia actual picture of us together in a frame dua satu gambar kelas 5 farabi dengan cikgu faizul arbok satu lagi gambar dating tujelah nampak tak betapa patheticnya kami sebab tulah kalau ditanya bila nak settle down aku ragu ragu lagi 7 tahun nampak macam lama tapi sebenarnya takde isi aku kenal dia tapi aku tak kenal dia faham tak ah korang maybe tak faham distance ni sebenarnya boleh diview dari dua point of view 1 allah nak menunjukkan dia bukan untuk aku atau 2 allah sayang sebab tu dia letak kami jauh lama lama tapi stay jugak sampai sekarang sebab nak minimize perkara tak baik ha pilih lah mana yang kau rasa bertepatan dan inilah part paling mencabar sekali ultimately lelaki yang baik untuk perempuan yang baik kan begitulah sebaliknya at the end of the day kalau aku dok fikir fikir sangat pun bukan dapat jawapan atau selesaikan apa apa ini semua aturannya redha jelah so aku fikir kalau aku jaga diri ia yang baiklah yang tuhan beri kalau perangai aku ni macam hantu siap sedialah tapi seriously bila fikir dalam dalam pasal kahwin dan things that go along with it memang rasa tak nak kahwin langsung ah sebab tu aku cakap lambat lagi aku rasa aku takkan kahwin sampai aku 150 ready banyak sangat cerita aku dengar yang menggoyang keyakinan aku terhadap kesucian and kekuatan institusi perkahwinan ni bila dok fikir aku rasa bila niat kahwin tu tak betul itulah yang buat rumahtangga jadi tak tentu arah semua kahwin sebab tak tahan sebab nak tutup mulut saudara mara sebab nak ikut arus semasa sebab dah lama sangat couple sebab nak buat bukan sebab dia sebab tu aku rasa niat kahwin tu kena betul dan bila aku dah rasa aku dah sampai niat tu barulah aku akan say yes oklah kawan kawan tu je nak sembang malam ni sorry panjang sangat dah kata topik kawin memanglah jadi draggy kan semoga orang2 yang baca post ni doakan saya dapat jodoh yang baik baik dan saya mendoakan korang pun dapat jodoh yang baik baik juga doakan saya dapat jodoh yang baik tau bukan doakan saya stay dengan yang sekarang ni manalah tau ini bukan yang terbaik kalau ya alhamdulillah kalau bukan jauhkan dia pada yang dah kahwin semoga berkekalan sehingga anak cucu dan tahniah kepada yang belum berkahwin mari mencari dan yakin dgn ketentuan dia pada yang tak nak fikir dulu sebab belum lagi spm doakanlah kakak ini dan pembaca pembaca yang lain ameen ok salam semua tata p s subuh tadi bangun dengan kerak di tepi bibir sebab air liur maka sahlah aku tak ready nak ada mamat lain sebelah ni ngeri dia tengok bini nya yang jijik ini stuff your dad says 0 feedback s blabbed by nanue at 5 12 am hi all i felt uneasy on the chest this morning because i had trouble breathing and because my period tracker says that i m 4 days away from the full moon it s very much assumed that i m in that mengada ngada term i texted the man fishing for his tlc me sesak nafasla kalau nue mati nak watpe the man janganlah cakap camtu nanti saya akan datangla majlis tu oh boy can someone please remind me why did i surrender my heart to him 3 feedback s blabbed by nanue at 5 55 pm to tell you the truth this doesn t feel as good as what i thought it would be the waiting game 2 feedback s blabbed by nanue at 7 38 pm hi everyone i hope i m being missed i was crazy busy for the past few weeks due to some inexplicable malevolent forces of higher education s nature that i haven t got much time to pull the strings and stitch up some good read worthy posts to put up on my blog alhamdulillah i got it all out of the way and i can say that i m pretty much done with undergrad insyaallah except for this one elective subject that i have to sit for this coming apr 8th which isn t much of a stress for me hopefully as of now i m literally counting my days to be done with school i can t wait for the day of my convocation ceremony and then i ll be leaving this great white north for good that departure day would definitely be an intense emotional cascade something that i don t look forward to because after all these while to me ottawa has been my playground for the past 4 years and leaving it would be an ultimate despair my physical may not have grown as much but this place moulded this zaharina you see today it moulded my personality who i was 4 years back isn t the same as who i am today i guess we all are as much as i love my country i can t help but to also have an affair with this one canada please don t you ever forget about this tiny girl who sang you many songs and cried you gallons of tears holyyy we finally bypassed all stages with cocktail of grace and bitterness friends it s game over for us after 4 gruelling years 4 years oh how time flies that sad story aside today i m sharing an important lesson i learnt a few days ago on my last day of lecture dr aitken reminded us of how important it is to have passion and desire in whatever we choose to do in life while discussing about what to do once the curtain falls she advised us not to jump into something just because everyone else is doing it or because your mother brother sister colleagues friends told you to or because you don t want to feel left out and many other cliche loaded excuses being in this field she complained about students who ended up doing something they aren t thoroughly soaked in something that s far out of their league her voice was filled with disappointment when she addressed this issue to us as though we were one of those people and if what we chose doing brought us to nothingness don t give up easily just brave yourself to pick up the pieces and reassemble them take a different route and patiently pave the way to what you dreamed of start by picturing yourself in 10 years time what do you see yourself as what you think you re gonna be dressed in doesn t matter if you see yourself in a white lab coat a suit a uniform or a pair of baju kurung from there begin tracing on how you re going to go from the point you re at right now to that picture you had in mind build your own map sort of the point at where we re starting at is the same that stage where you take your scroll i have friends considering for master s degree a friend that wants to pursue business instead of science friends that want to land a good career and many many more she told us that grad school is for people that are wholeheartedly compassionate in research and committing to their work people that don t come up with excuses dr aitken told us to give ourselves a little more options instead of opting for only one talk to a lot of people ask around and don t be shy to beg for opinions from all corners possible gather them all and when deciding for what s best for the next step box them together and put it aside think about what would work the best to your ability and detect any biased elements derived from the persons you gathered your opinions from bear in mind that there s fallacy invested in their opinions and once you ve decided on what to do and are about to take the first step consider these opinions and find which one suits you best people s routes may not cater to your ability and preferences so don t blindly follow others just because think about what you want to do and what you re willing to throw in the game to reach the finish line and of course on your way up there s going to be a lot of emotional stresses involved but that never means your game s over never give up and never regret your decision never let the hurdles hinder you from reaching your goal take it as a part of the many processes necessary to establish yourselves on the note of pursuing into a master s degree i m sure they re fun for others as for me if all else fail i may have to consider that option but i need to first develop an intense burning desire to continue studying because i don t want to rape the beauty of learning with desire but right now i haven t managed to unveil that desire yet i just can t decide on what to do after alas the secret of adulthood is true just because something is fun and do able for someone else doesn t ...