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Text of the page (random words):
she has a blog saturday march 27 2021 i hope we crashed and i died posted with a smile by ikazainol at 10 25 am 1 thoughts thursday january 28 2021 khayalan i am drowning i jumped into the sea hoping to be free but there s an anchor to my ankle chaining me to the seabed as i struggled i leaped into the sky hoping to reach high but my wings are badly broken it hurts whenever i try i walked into a dark tunnel as shadows of the past chased after me but a guiding light was there a miracle a blessing in disguise a spark of sunshine in a mundane life otherwise once a beautiful ripe apple sparkled on the tallest branch the little boy reached for it happy as he had the sweetest one but happiness is fleeting temporary soon enough he forgets the sweet apple he once had ot9 28012021 posted with a smile by ikazainol at 4 51 pm 0 thoughts saturday september 26 2020 grip my hands are tied my lips are shut i woke up at night figuring my if s and but s it s like i m holding sand in my hand gripping ever too tightly the stronger i grip the faster it slips leaving not even the tiniest bit my heart is in pain but my brain says otherwise oh the wonder works of god who are we to question why breaking someone s trust is like crumping a piece of paper you can smooth it over but it can never be the same piece of paper again so now we let go and see what stays ot9 26 9 2020 posted with a smile by ikazainol at 12 47 pm 0 thoughts sunday july 02 2017 a fractured calcaneum assalamualaikum wbt dear oh dear apologies again for this long hiatus busy with this thing called life a lil update i moved to another state earlier this year and my new jobscope involves putting people to sleep making sure they wake up painlessly and trying not to mess up while doing so anyway this post is to tell y all a story about my family and a fractured bone late last april my dad fell while climbing a steep tembok and his weight got shifted to his right feet the impact shattering his right calcaneum which is basically your heel bone not his xray but pretty much almost the same it was an open comminuted fracture which means there was an open wound and the fracture was in pieces not a simple crack dad underwent surgery to fix it plates and screws put in now at post op almost 3 months he is partially weight bearing with the help of crutches and still on leave from his job those who knew my dad would know that he is not the kind who can sit still even for a minute what we were about to learn when dad fractured his heel is that he not only broke his bone he broke all our hearts my dad is a marathon runner he cycles more than 10km every week he gardens everyday he s in charge of weekly runs to the markets god knows how much he roams around at work and his life is always always constantly on the move so you can imagine how difficult it is to see our beloved ever active daddy confined to the living room with a swollen occasionally uncomfortable foot my younger brother and i were both not staying close to home so it sucks even more these past few months made us realized things we took for granted namely 1 how important my dad is in our household no one to take out the trash no one to water the plants no one to run errands no one to vacuum our carpets and sweep the floors my dad s a dust ocd and a whole lot more chores done by dad that we didn t appreciate as much 2 how important my mom is in our household seriously next to a frustrated husband my mom is the most awesome wife to have if you ever got sick when my dad felt helpless with things he couldn t do my mom fills that void perfectly she drives my dad everywhere she took out the trash she went for groceries on her own you name it 3 how dry our bathroom can be coz dad was on crutches so it gets dangerous when the bathroom floor is wet and slippery everyone makes it a point to wipe the floor clean after use also how dusty our treadmill can be coz the one running on it was always abah luls 4 our family cat obi is awesome as if he knows my dad is not well for the first few days my dad on mc obi would linger around the house as if trying to keep my dad company even though we know he always roams around the neighbourhood when my parents are at work 5 priority lanes for wheelchair bound patients at the pharmacy sometimes wasn t really a priority one time my parents went for the doctor s appointment and reached the pharmacy to retrieve some meds the lady said no need to queue coz dad s on a wheelchair in the end the wait lasted longer than those in the queue 6 taraweeh and ramadhan this year were different coz my parents couldn t break fast at the mosque like they used to plus it s easier for dad to taraweeh at home urghh maybe this fracture is a blessing in disguise for verily with every hardship comes ease in a way we re fortunate that no other broken bone was involved when dad fell also i learned a lot watching how my parents complete each other in their own special way to anyone reading this can you please send in a little prayer so my dad can get back on his feet and to his own active self marathon running and all thank youuuuu we love you abah hang in there posted with a smile by ikazainol at 12 09 pm 1 thoughts labels family lesson learned random tuesday january 10 2017 freshies assalamualaikum today as i walked down the hospital corridor i passed by a few souls clearly a newcomer in this harsh world of doctoring sparkly white coat nametag on point stethoscope around the neck and above all a face that screams help me why d i choose these path should i quit on top of a skinny and exhausted physique always running as if chasing time and the unforgiving amount of never ending workload yes that was me 2 years ago when i first started as a first poster looking back sometimes it still knocks me into disbelief that i ve eventually made it through i rarely cried but i gave in at one point after 5 days of tagging i came home and cried and cried and cried into my husband s arms the trigger point was simple it was a patient s relative who scolded me for changing his father s medication dose he thought he was a smart ass and that change was not indicated the breakdown was an accumulative effect as a fresh doctor i faced a lot of bullying and verbal abuse that week from my superiors but i didn t cry until that one particular trigger funny when i looked back i don t think i d cry over the same reason now than i did last time my dad had to send me daily inspirational quotes to keep motivating me he s cute like that another time i broke down was in my 2nd year of housemanship that was merely work related when i was at home with my parents and i received a call from a colleague she questioned me on an unclerked patient presumably because she thinks i was trying to play truant by leaving work early and because she felt burdened by the workload i purposely left for her she called and over the phone yelled at me so unprofessionally i wanted to fight back but my eyes just welled up with tears of anger imagine you ve been doing your job diligently just tryna get through the day unharmed then somebody came along and said this shitty thing about you it hurts that day i learned that not everybody can work without being calculative i became calculative towards her thereafter hahaha kidding working temporarily in my current department has made me realized how numb i have become to verbal abuse and sarcasm if previously my day would be ruined by one simple scolding now i can refer a case and get a verbal tell off and can totally shake it off minutes after although i would recall the story back to my husband with the same amount of annoyance i realized that in malaysia our interdepartmental relationship are no joke mo from department a will tell off mo department b for missing one tiny detail in his her referral and mo a would make a big deal out of it i mean come on get over your ego you re not the only expert in your field if i get a dengue medical mo to induce and maintain ventilation in ga patient can she do it so perfectly seriously get over yourself what i m trying to say is it s okay to break down and cry some of the thoughts that stop me from quitting housemanship are 1 i felt like i ve wasted 7 years of grueling medical studies just to leave it hanging halfway incomplete 2 i don t know what else to do other than doctoring seriously 3 families they took so much pride in my job that it feels like a huge letdown if i stopped halfway it s been harsh these days with the contract basis employment i have a feeling that those malignant superiors will use this contract thingy as an excuse to abuse fresh housemen even more but that s okay let them be it ll be tougher but tough times don t last tough people do random postcall ramblings as usual till then xx posted with a smile by ikazainol at 9 41 am 2 thoughts labels ho fuss lesson learned thursday january 05 2017 housemanship been there done that assalamualaikum well hello 2017 it s been an awfully long while my last published post was almost a year ago actually there were many sudden blogging urge in between but all of them were either written halfway incomplete or i was just too busy lazy tired to proofread and publish oh well not much happened in between then and now except for the fact that i crossed the housemanship finishing line unscathed cue fireworks alhamdulillah you know what they say what doesn t kill you make you stronger throughout these two years a lot of things changed and sacrifices made for instance 1 family gatherings when there is a family function at first people will ask our parents where are ika and ali then the question evolved into are they both at work finally no more questions were asked because our absence to any events is by default when we miraculously find time to attend people would be surprised by our presence that the first question would be both of you off today 2 friend s weddings we got married right after graduation so essentially most of our friends attended coz they were all mostly still unemployed when our friends got married we missed out on theirs coz we were both either working or our leaves were not enough to cover the travels i know it s pretty messed up invitations came at first then it came lesser and lesser coz people stop putting hopes on you turning up 3 vocabulary oh my poor vocab i barely read any books and blog these days my english speaking abilities has now jumped into the manglish bandwagon it s either i oso dono worr he memang like dat wan uncle u chuan bo or aunty vallikida i know we blended in pretty well i can speak minimal 2 word hokkien and tamil now 4 health we both put on unhealthy weight because of all the untimely late night dinner and junk food mostly coz we think we deserved it after starving ourselves while serving the public maybe moship is the time to get back in shape seriously guys my 53 year old dad s baseline heart rate is 50 55 coz he runs marathon and i get breathless after one freaking flight of stairs nyha class 3 right here and the list goes on forever may this be the start to the return of my blogging saga will write more soon a bit of word constipation secondary to blogging hiatus till then posted with a smile by ikazainol at 5 26 am 1 thoughts labels ho fuss lesson learned thursday february 04 2016 scars assalamualaikum i m supposed to be studying now but today i was screamed at rudely in public maybe because this time it truly wasn t my fault and i entirely could not digest the amount of anger she threw at my face after my one simple polite question and the one who scolded me was not even from my side of profession if you know what i mean oh well it wasn t the first i ve had much worse than that before maybe it s just hormonal but as i walked back from the scene walking along the hospital corridors i felt like crying that feeling when your tears just welled up and you re trying hard not to make it fall down your dehydrated cheeks it sucks also i wouldn t want the public to see a young doctor in scrubs burst into emotional tears as she walked alone i silently cursed the person who screamed at me i felt like punching her in the face then as i was fighting back tears i prayed to god please just make this go away coz i have no time to dwell on my sadness i was so busy running errands and doing extra curricular ho jobs until by the end of the day the anger and sadness just went away i prayed that whenever and wherever i would be in the future that i would never become that person and may god open her heart to humility and politeness she just left a huge scar onto my dignity posted with a smile by ikazainol at 1 37 pm 0 thoughts labels ho fuss older posts home subscribe to posts atom function var nn document createelement script nn type text javascript nn src http synad2 nuffnang com my ss js var s document getelementsbytagname script 0 s parentnode insertbefore nn s nextsibling about me ikazainol view my complete profile you might think i 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