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ng ann will continue to be here as she transitions into a book fingers crossed you all have been my hero s my champions i hope we can continue our relationship share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on x opens in new window x print opens in new window print share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on reddit opens in new window reddit like loading 1 comment karma or simply life posted on april 2 2015 by nora l pratt under journal entry journey of the month i ve been asking myself this question oh so many times these past few days looking it up asking can i change this until finally i decided kar ma noun noun karma in hinduism and buddhism the sum of a person s actions in this and previous states of existence viewed as deciding their fate in future existences informal destiny or fate following as effect from cause karma sanskrit कर्म ipa ˈkərmə listen pali kamma means action work or deed 1 it also refers to the principle of causality where intent and actions of an individual influence the future of that individual 2 good intent and good deed contribute to good karma and future happiness while bad intent and bad deed contribute to bad karma and future suffering 3 4 karma is closely associated with the idea of rebirth in some schools of asian religions 5 in these schools karma in the present affects one s future in the current life as well as the nature and quality of future lives or one s saṃsāra 6 with origins in ancient india it is a key concept in hinduism buddhism jainism sikhism 7 and taoism 8 wikapedia karma so many believe is all powerful and then there are many that do not in fact many don t believe in the concept of life after death heaven hell or reincarnation for that matter i wish i didn t in fact i wish i could easily say i were an atheist and not believe in anything or any of the above at all but i can t i know that far beyond what our minds can see or conceptualize there is a massive universe of energy that we are a part of i know this because i simply do no explanation necessary in some religions they are simple in the mindset that if you do wrong you go to a place endowed by flames and is filled with souls that had gone astray before you the concierge of this place they say was a part of god s heavenly kingdom and was thrown out so in a sense the contract states do wrong and go to hell unless oh the wonderful loop hole you confess your sins and ask for forgiveness then apparently you are absolved woo hoo if only it were that simple or is it we as a society spend thousands if not millions of dollars for the ultimate key to happiness and the condition of having a lifetime full of it is karma real what about hell is there in fact a place or abyss where all the lost souls of the universe go to for an eternity of soul wrenching torture torment and agony i m not so sure i believe in any of that nonsense anymore there are beliefs that i have many are topics for other posts but i just cannot believe that we are to be sent here or anywhere to be tortured for a day a week a month a year or an eternity simply because we went left instead of right without a lesson and even if that were true agony isn t something that i believe would ever be wished on us it just doesn t make any spiritual sense as you know i ve been going through a great many changes of late i could say that it was my sister s death that started me down the rabbit hole but it actually started much earlier i m finally coming to grips with my grief and am very happy that i ve come back to my love doug but there is this thing we must deal with in life called change that i must get used to and i don t like it no i don t like it one bit friends coming and going for no reason at all just poof their out of your life your favorite doughnut shop closing now that can put anyone into a spin but change is the devil and i m just not sure i ll ever get used to it one thing i ve noticed as i ve gone through the losses is that i ve gotten a much better grasp on what is the uncontrollable you know the old famous prayer god grant me the serenity to accept the things a cannot change to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference after deciding to reunite with doug he suffered a massive stroke back in january for the most part he is alright but he won t be able to drive again or work again he was in construction and his business making six figures what s worse is that his memory is deteriorating my fear he will be getting dementia we are working hard for that not to happen as there are exercises for the brain which he fights doing and great medications still the fear is there but grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change rings in my mind there are many days that are good days he s been great about using our rapid transit system which is walk able for him and he does it with little mumbling he sounds just like that old bear on that cartoon when i was a child we are taking everything one day literally one day at a time well i am he still has days of ramble and i listen still there are those days where he will get so frustrated that it seems the only way he can show his independence is to argue to get upset or pick at me over something anything really it is at these times where i realize that it doesn t make sense to get angry because it isn t him the best i can do is to take a break sit on the back deck be honest with him by letting him know he s being an old poop at which time he will usually follow me out sit next to me take my hand and just sit with me and our three dogs it is at this time that i know and the wisdom to know the difference so needless to say for the past few weeks i d been crying and carrying on with friends and family thinking that i must have done something huge to deserve such a horrible turn of events to have happened we can t pay our rent are having issues with other bills food etc i finally got moved out of my other apartment the only friend that would help me my friend melody out of everybody i know it truly is amazing what happens when you are trying to get help to move quite comical really just what excuses come up and that took us three truck loads and ended up costing over eight hundred dollars i know i should have just hired someone live and learn anyway my point being i was so sick by the end of that move i was down for over a week could barely lift my head but i think that that was what it took for me to see the courage to accept the things i cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference i finally got it and lo and behold calls started coming in we are still broke but not for long things that puzzled me in the past like those darn cover letters oh i hated those no longer a problem so i m not sure about karma or hell or any of that bad stuff i believe that life happens to all of us and if we keep fighting what is happening and fretting over what might happen we will never be happy i choose to be happy with my love regardless and cherish him today tonight tomorrow and every day til death separates us i can t change his health but i can help to make his time left on this planet the best with each kiss each moment we make love and with each night we watch and gaze at the stars share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on x opens in new window x print opens in new window print share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on reddit opens in new window reddit like loading 2 comments i ve searched and searched and he was right there under the old wedding dress posted on december 12 2014 by nora l pratt under journal entry journey of the month i started this blog as a way to find myself prior to when i was a mrs yet the path that i thought would lead me to my independent self led me to my satisfied self my loved and accepted self these past four years i ve discovered my mistakes my baggage and have embarked on the journey of single life during this time i nursed my sister through cancer and eventually came to grieve her death lived through a fire after losing almost all that i treasured and held dear only to find new friends and things to hold in their place since my move to small town america i ve discovered a new love for the simpler things in life and i ve rediscovered my love for that one man who i fell in love with back in 1986 doug yes we are back together again and will be remarrying sometime in 2015 it took sometime for us both to realize our own baggage and contributions to the demise of our marriage but we are ready to move forward doug will be moving in with me to small town america as he enjoys retirement i will work and hopefully publish my book i figure that it is time for him to live the retired life for a change i just find it funny how these things work out all this time i thought i would be oh so much happier living independently or with someone else when all those other men i was seeing were being compared in my mind s eye to doug nobody would ever love me enough or care for me enough truly loving me for me in spite of my faults and i have plenty of them believe me i talk to myself you know that all of the men i dated would try to change me or would be threatened by me or would simply use me and dismiss me remember honey anyway after a few months of going round and round and his persuasive wooing i came to realize that i ve always loved him something i ve never denied actually and that we should be together for better or worse in sickness and in health there is something to be said about true love you know the kind where you just fit together right in that crook in the neck while lying in bed or finishing each other s sentences knowing what the other will want for dinner as if instinctively and still being able to look at them through all their faults with love in your eyes when i returned into his life and into his home i noticed that all the little things i loved he kept all my little collections the sheets i bought the salt and pepper shaker collection my hearts everything as if to say if i keep it she will return i was endeared by the fact that he kept these items while at the same time any other man would have destroyed them that was when i started to realize truly that he never fell out of love for me and i guess i never fell out of love for him something my friends noticed even when i was still stating we are only friends nothing more we went to a memorial for a dear friend of ours and a few weeks had passed before announcing our engagement i spoke with a mutual friend who was at this memorial and she told me how she could understand and that she could see it in the way i was looking at him and him at me it was in our eyes and that about sums it up doesn t it there were plenty of reasons to end the marriage but all has been corrected with acknowledgement and time and with that now we can move forward of course there are many who think i m on some pity romance and to them i simply shake my head and state you don t know me and you don t know us those are the haters that say that i know our history and know our present i m perfectly clear of what i can expect doug isn t well he has had a couple of strokes that doesn t make him any less of the man i love we go to brunch at this little place have been since we were first married there is this other man who hangs out there who had a fancy for me he seems to enjoy telling me that doug s only intention is to take advantage of me to never work and states that he has a problem with that and why don t i doug has worked over fifty years over fifty years of backbreaking work working freeway construction and owning a roofing company which included many years of performing his own tear offs which are brutal enough without the triple digit heats we have i do believe he has more than deserved his retirement and if i can give that to him damn it i will it has been over four years since i ve left him and i m finding myself everyday it s a daily trek for all of us don t you think but the journey continues on and i continue to learn oh i ll still continue writing as i ll still be finding ann macgregor who knows perhaps f a m will even get published share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on x opens in new window x print opens in new window print share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on reddit opens in new window reddit like loading 3 comments hot digitty dog guess who came home posted on november 2 2014 by nora l pratt under journal entry journey of the month that s right i m elated with the warm feeling of love and cheer as i get ready for my beloved hour coming back to me it has been too long and so much has changed since we last saw each other i ve gained a bit of weight not that he will notice and i ve grown so much happier since my move up here to the foothills love this little town by the way but alas we will be together again for the time being until spring when we must say good bye once again i just love this time of year the colder days the changing of the leaves and the food oh my goodness the food and of course the decorating can t forget about that this year was the first in many years that i ve felt like decorating for halloween we didn t have many trick or treaters this year but my house looked good i can t remember when i felt like decorating like this i decorated for christmas last year but none of the other holidays just didn t have it in me this year i ve got oodles of energy it s a joy as you know i ve been seeing my ex husband again who knew that we would be at such a happy place he s suffered a couple more strokes that have affected his response time his speech has slowed quite a bit but his humor remains the same and that wonderful man i mentioned turns out he is truly wonderful and our friendship has bloomed into a wonderfully flirty romance so needless to say i m having a fantastic time and enjoying the affections of two glorious gentlemen there is something to be said about being wooed as it can truly get those pheromones pumping and cause a woman to feel deliciously feminine suddenly your walk is a bit peppier and your smile is a bit brighter your holding doors open for people and allowing people to go ahead of you in line the whole world is brighter i know you just threw up a little in your mouth right sorry i just feel so damn happy and truth be told i deserve this am i right it has been way to long for me to feel this damn happy and i m not going to question it oh and to add to the above i ve ...
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