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Text of the page (random words):
family your name changed and your records sealed not be trauma i have studied some prenatal and perinatal psychology birth psychology and early childhood core issues including rejection abandonment loss identity crisis and disenfranchised grief that can affect adoptees there are a lot of new studies out about adoption and those have their place within adoption healing but the voices and stories that come directly from adoptees are what we should be listening too there is nothing more compelling than the truths adoptees have lived to show the monumental impact adoption has had in our lives once you tap into pain realize it feel it you can begin to work with healing modalities to abate the trauma trauma does not have to define your life forever trauma no longer consumes me trauma can affect people differently there is no one way adoptees can or should feel about being adopted as much as adoptees experiences can be similar they can also be very different i never deal in absolutes nothing is every black or white i am simply here to share my experiences in the hopes it helps other adoptees the day i touched my trauma was the day i began the journey of healing posted by assembling self at 9 44 am 1 comment saturday august 19 2017 adoption is not a one time transaction it is a life long journey when we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed but when we are silent we are still afraid so it is better to speak read more at https www brainyquote com quotes keywords heard html when we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed but when we are silent we are still afraid so it is better to speak read more at https www brainyquote com quotes quotes a audrelorde392663 html src t_heard when we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed but when we are silent we are still afraid so it is better to speak read more at https www brainyquote com quotes quotes a audrelorde392663 html src t_heard i haven t blogged in a long time as i felt after five years of writing about adoption and my adoptee story i d said about all i had to say i still carry my portable verbal adoption soapbox with me everyone knows that and i frequently end up encountering those who have some connection to an adoption experience adoption is always based on loss the loss for an adoptee of their original family and or being raised by them the loss of a child for biological parents and often the loss of having a natural child or more children by adoptive parents whether that loss is minute or overwhelming it is always there and plays a part in every individual family scenario to some degree so many of us know how quickly adoption reunions can go from wonderful to sour and non existent and vice versa from no contact at all to morphing into relationships the entire journey is pitted with emotional land mines and quick sand and unfamiliar territory and so very often search and especially reunion outcomes long term can be dependent on the support system or lack thereof that adoptees or first mothers first is the term we utilize now instead of birth in respect to mothers who relinquished a child to adoption have so my first reaction when i find someone new to adoption search and reunion is to determine if they are connected to a local or online search support resource to help them in whatever capacity they need i know how vital it is recently as i posted on facebook i had a brief exchange with a ta agent at the airport over a common last name we shared and found out she was a first mother whose son has just found her it ended with a hug and her giving me her email address to contact her i had relayed to her that i was part of a wonderful network of adoptees and first mothers that could provide assistance that either her or her son might need i emailed her when i got back home and had time and immediately that day she emailed me back and friended me on facebook with the information i had provided her the next day i noticed she had unfriended me i sent a message asking why i was a little shocked but i really in my gut knew what had happened i had posted an article an adoptee had written on birth mother rejection and heartache it was a gut wrenching and emotional article and for many of us who have walked those shoes yet it also brings a sense of feeling you are not alone it s a sister brotherhood you don t really want anyone else to belong to but if you must then you are in good company i waited all day with a slightly sick feeling waiting on her response if there was going to be one and it came that evening i won t quote the email verbatim but it went something like this an article you posted upset me greatly as a person who had to give up a child to adoption i ve had 40 years of pain and i don t need to read or hear anymore about this subject there are two sides to every story i m sure you are a great person it was really cool how we met and talked i hope you find what you are looking for and have all the happiness and can reunite as we have it was a very decent and nice response until i went to reply and realized she had blocked my messages the posted article was not about her not about her experience she was a welcoming mother and was not indicative of anything other than what i believe is a large amount of unresolved grief i believe she is carrying 40 years of guilt and shame and the article triggered the depths of the emotional baggage she has been dragging around for decades i so wish i d had enough time to connect her to some of the amazing first moms i ve known for a very long time that could have offered her their stories and experiences that might have lent a hand to guide her toward healing we adoptees and first moms who have been at this for a while 20 years for me know that reunion is not the immediate cure all for adoption loss and certainly can bring other issues up along the way mostly when you least expect or understand them unresolved anger shame pain guilt and unrealistic expectations can quickly derail and destroy relationships before they ve had the proper amount of time to develop we all work towards healing in our own ways groups individual support and or counseling writing laughing music art all are useful components in facilitating personal empowerment to overcome pain and grief life trauma suppressed can lead us down paths of denial depression addiction the suppression and avoidance of truth and reality and the ultimate loss of self actualized lives adoption is not a one time transaction it is a life long journey do i regret posting the article absolutely not i am by now used to hearing from adoptive parents or first parents or adoption agencies entities and the public or someone who knows has a friend or a cousin s best friend s sister who is adopted and is just fine how adoptees need to get over things or be grateful move on and all the comments and advice that invalidate our experiences as adopted persons that s why as adoptees we need to keep on speaking the point i am trying to make with all of this is that adoptee experiences are valid whether they are similar different or the same i applaud adoptees who step out of their comfort zones to speak their truths and risk almost always risk condemnation judgment ridicule or a lack of compassion it makes a difference for the rest of us it always will sometimes all adoptees are asking is to be heard even if you don t comprehend our experience or you don t understand it that s o k too adoption is a much misunderstood subject often even to adoptees who live it every day we just yearn to be seen and heard for the way adoption has impacted us and changed us the people that we truly are posted by assembling self at 12 25 pm no comments labels adoptee flipthescript adopteevoices adopteetruth tuesday november 1 2016 one less unicorn for those of you who are wondering what the unicorn reference is in regards to adoption it is a term regularly used by those of us well versed in adoption experiences to describe someone who sees adoption in a purely positive light while denying the pain and trauma that it stems from for adoptees and biological parents unicorns refuse to see the dark underbelly of adoption including the fact that adoption is a billion dollar industry that many adoption agencies are in business to make large sums of money off innocent babies and that adoption is based on an adoptee s loss of their family o f origin and a biological mother s pain of relinquishment that p ain and loss is something most endure for a lifetime adoption is a permanent solution to an often temporary situation there are so many subjects that will be talked about during national adoption awareness month but the one i will address at the present moment during the flipthescript campaign is the adoption not abortion movement i ve been blogging for years about adoption and this last year after contributing to other blogs and adoption anthologies i pretty much had run dry of anything else to say that i hadn t covered previously however there are many times i just can t sit by an allow someone to spew false information about adoption especially when so many of us have fought for years to educate the world about the reality of adoption from our own personal experiences and tragedies recently i ran into a pro adoption anti abortion thread of my friend s facebook page i read and immediately felt that hot flush of anger and my blood pressure rising quickly i had to chime in the conversation revolved around the fact that someone who had zero connection too adoption other than she knew people who adopted which means you really know nothing the sentence that triggered me the most to speak up was something to the tune of you can adopt babies for nothing and many times the government will pay you to do so not wrong but oh so wrong actually the cost of adoption is quite steep and there are lengthy waiting lists for hwis health white infants of up to 10 years in fact it can range anywhere from 30 000 to 50 000 and upwards ethnic babies are less costly to adopt approximately 15 000 and upwards if adoption is not expensive then why are there so many adoption fundraisers being held for prospective adoptive families yah i recently did a research report for my job for a family wanting to adopt three agencies had gone out of business and two others no longer facilitated infant adoptions and only assisted families with adopting from the foster care system one of the agency social workers told me we no longer do infant adoptions because it s so heart breaking to watch parents wanting to adopt wait with little hope or have a birth mother change her mind inside i am yelling yes alright family preserva ti on almos t half of a doptions are done through private attorneys and can be even more expensive think adoption doesn t operate as baby buying or child trafficking it is legal in texas to promise anything to a birth mother and considered a gift to help her out in a difficult time or circumstance with an unplanned pregnancy in exchange for her relinquishing her child to that family i had a friend contact me 10 years or more ago and tell me that her friend s daughter was pregnant at the age of 15 and considering adoption she wanted to keep the baby but felt pressure to relinquish considering she had no education no job and felt unable to provide for a child she said each time the girl told the family no they upped the ante first it was a car then a dded a college education and then a house those things can look very promising to a girl that has little and is in a difficult situation the adoption was promised to be open but i let my friend know to tell this girl that if she relinquished her rights that adoption can close at any point in time and there is no recourse for her to change anything the adoptive parents will have every right to keep that child from her until it s 18 and by that time who knows what the adoptee will have been told or believes or will feel about her biological family the girl decided to keep the baby and from what i hear is happy with the decision she made i heard the adoptive parents were livid and couldn t understand why she would choose such a difficult path in life when they could have smoothed it over for her and made things a lot easier ummmmm because it s her flesh and blood and she didn t want to sell it we shame poor young or single women who become pregnant into relinquishing yet we provide tax breaks and benefits for families that adopt prospective adoptive parents post go fund me or church based campaigns to help with the cost of ad opting yet p eople are constantly up in arms beca use poor pregnant women and women with babies receive government assistance seems pretty hypocritical to me but when agencies and lawyers are making tens of thousands of dollars off every adoption i can understand why they would promote such pro adoption propaganda most cultures don t give their children away and instead are kept within the family and taken care of by grandparents aunts or uncles or siblings and cousins the pro adoption advocate also spit out the do you want these children to grow up hungry and in poverty first that s conjecture that this will in fact happen and second then why can we not help families with temporary assistance and education resources until they get on their feet why is adoption the first option and not the last also i know many children who grew up in poverty that turned out to be well educated functional adults poverty is not the worst thing that can happen to a child adoptive families are not immune to job loss and poverty or divorce like any other family adoption is not a magical cure to an un planned pregnancy are there parents who do not want their children absolutely are their children who need to be removed from abusive and neglectful homes yes there always will be but let s not make adoption a simple band aid cure for all families struggling to support and raise their children parents who want a child are not entitled to one despite what they or others think or despite a family s circumstances children are not commodities to be redistributed to fulfill the wants and desires of others one of my good friends grew up dirt poor there wasn t much in the house but they made ends meet and yes lots of hand me downs few of any restaurant meals or expensive vacations but there was a lot of love which is what children need most posted by assembling self at 11 37 am 7 comments wednesday september 23 2015 the mirror my nemesis reflections i see this person staring back at me and wonder who it is i see are these her eyes is his face the same do i look like them what are their names mirrors like pictures tell thousands of tales but the stories told have always failed in lending me the slightest clues to endless questions and intangible truths mirrors mirrors are normal and every day parts of life they are everywhere and especially with the current trend ...
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