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question tumbling inside me am i a monster then thinking what if i am but what if a monster just isn t what i thought it was i thought about the roles monsters play in children s stories not the ones meant to brainwash us into easy malleable lines but the ones that teach us about ourselves the ones where the monsters are only our own reflections monsters show us the edges of ourselves other ideas seeped in joined mutated ideas about tricksters and contraries those who do things backwards do the opposite of what is expected in hunter gatherer and other primitive peoples tricksters are the sacred boundary crossers in many of those same cultures gender mixers and crossers played the same role and i wonder what role my sexuality plays in my human worldview because i know it has one and yet even accounting for the silent majority there seem to be so much fewer people who share my desires than those who share other common desires it reminds me of a comment delilah left around the time when i finally tipped over the edge into accepting and cherishing my sexuality and not thinking it was completely rooted in a legacy of cultural fucked up ness i actually do think of myself as engaging in some dark shit when i do some of the kink that i do the difference is that i don t think of darkness as a bad thing darkness to me just means the wild the free the things that have been suppressed by the civilization you re talking about when you talk about darkness the trouble with the wild and the free is that they often are dangerous when my lover tests my tolerance by caning the fronts of my thighs and letting me bite into his arm to manage the pain while tears stream down his face that s pretty dark when i restrict someone s blood flow and whisper to them about how easily i could kill them and that makes them come that s fucking dark it s liberated it s admitting how close sex and death really are it s delving into parts of our psyche that are very old and animal and fierce it s not just wanting to fuck someone into a stupor but to drink their blood while you do it and that s hot which is why i do it not because it s hip to play with the darkness at the time i was railing against the image of bdsm as taboo and dark the way it s commercialized and caricatured as such but i saw her point and looking at it through that lens i resonated with what she said at my core my sexuality doesn t feel dark to me or strange or crossing any kind of boundaries it feels like normality and in a way despite my self alienation i perceive everyone else as strange but when i study myself in relation to the people around me who i grow with play with get bitchy with when i leave myself behind and step into them then i can see it i can understand how they can perceive it that way because when i was so divorced from myself around my sexuality i saw through the same lens but with infinitely more judgment none of this is an argument about how bdsm is special and awesome and so much deeper than what anybody else does it s just random utterly nonlinear driftings as i contemplate where i am in my life and where i m going the trickster coyote from gunnerkrigg court but on to things more mundane someone wanted to call a girl s spa night waxing facials hair masks after my initial repulsion i m not putting that gunk on my face but i will rip the hair from your body yesss unfortunately they re not a screamer pretty unfazed by that kind of pain just knowing that it hurt anyway did at least a little something for me but really i m just a reaction top but it s still a satisfying sensation feeling all the hair rip out someone else who is a screamer said they d let me know if they decided to do it i d be honored to give you pleasure they laughed i ll take it where i can get it share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on _________ opens in new window _________ more email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print like loading leave a comment from content curious evolving hurt passionate pleased remembering unexpected tools of masochism december 27 2010 tags fir bough limp carrot masochism pain pervertables screw bolt limp carrot the big ones that haven t been trimmed down when they get all dehydrated and wrinkly but still have some heft hold the skinny end and hit with the top very satisfying impact i bruise really easy and i usually sport half a dozen bruises i couldn t tell you where they came from one day i couldn t figure out why i had all these regular bruises up my thighs and suddenly i burst out laughing after explaining my housemates teased me for the rest of the day fir bough pretty good makeshift flogger unbalanced and you have to be careful about the whippy ends and wrapping but nice impact sting screw bolt the big six inch ones with reall fine threads feels really good scraped down an arm or across palms and fingers not sharp enough to draw blood but sharp enough to leave white lines like a plowed field share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on _________ opens in new window _________ more email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print like loading 2 comments from peaceful pleased remembering on kissing september 28 2010 tags french kissing kissing french kissing making out not body kissing not throat kissing and teasing the fine hairs on someone s skin with lips not just pressing lips together it s so common it just gets called kissing as if everyone will know what you mean when you say it it took me two decades to do it and then i did and i find myself the odd man out i m not so into it seriously boyfriend devastated people kept telling me that it was an acquired taste and that i would like it eventually everyone likes it everyone during one conversation my boyfriend was laying out all this evidence for the human desire for tongue in mouth kissing and i finally said basically it s like i ve told you i m lesbian and you re trying to convince me i d realize i m straight if i d just try it long enough to get used to it the one i really like to whip out when people are telling me why i should like kissing is the theory that kissing evolved from an affection shared between mothers and babies from the practice of premasticating food then watch their cultural indigestion from paranoia of associating children with anything they consider sexual vengeful i can be now i kind of think of french kissing the way many people think of kinky sex okay now that we really know each other and really trust each other let s do something completely crazy like tie each other up with scarves and blindfold each other only it s okay now that we really know each other and really trust each other let s do something really fucking insane like stick our tongues in each others mouths a faster way to spread communicable diseases i know not seriously what a weird fucking practice with all their gnarly diseases crossing species barriers left and right i m surprised agriculturalist and pastoralist population centers of civilization survived it i did learn to enjoy that kind of kissing with partner and i was almost always in a state where i was incredibly present with my dominance usually in the throes of sex it was an expression for my aggression and sadism and dominance biting soft parts claiming someone possessing someone in such a physically intimate way there s just something about claiming someone s mouth that s incredibly powerful for me because in a way it s a more intimate orifice than my cunt to be physically locked face to face with someone cutting off one of your options to breathe it almost seems suicidal okay so i guess there are other ways to do it it all feels pretty weird though share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on _________ opens in new window _________ more email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print like loading 10 comments from confused curious exasperated passionate the funny things people say in porn september 20 2010 tags assertive submission big cocks bold submission firm ass high breasts juices not a spare ouce of fat porn pussy saggy boobs so i ve been reading a lot of polyandrous triad porn lately or trying to skimming is generally a better word to the sex parts if they re good then skimming to the next i found one example that was rather terribly written and had a very poorly developed supernatural world but had one fascinating brilliant concept a bold assertive submissive man who asked for what he wanted and stood up for himself there was one scene where the dominant woman of the triad made him come then refused to let him give her an orgasm not because it was hot d s but because she was terrified of being vulnerable she blew him off and he basically said you know where i am if you re really as brave as you think you are come get me and left and i was like wow despite this moment of win the clear dominance submission dynamic the triad and some bondage and beating the sex scenes really did not flow and it was not even remotely erotic for me reading porn in such concentration has highlighted the many things people say that are supposed to be erotic that strike me as completely off the wall it s just weird like one person wrote it thinking it was a good idea having never actually experienced what they were writing about and the next person also having never experienced what they were writing about took the first person at their word and thought that was reality and on and on it goes it s like there s a list of stock phrases for written porn that everyone feels obligated to use for some reason there was not a spare ounce of fat on pronoun s body i read this and i blink and i wonder so are they fucking a concentration camp victim did i miss something of the backstory while skimming i don t think people know what it means to not have body fat and it keeps getting worse with the insane anti fat diet mentality the north american super power has been getting into the last few decades reality humans carry fat we need fat to live fat is good it is delicious it s what our brains run on i m not talking big beautiful women or fat as an identity i m talking biological necessity every trim athletic fit person you see has fat what s more they have spare body fat because we re designed to carry spare calories just in case i have seen a male body at 4 body fat and it is not pretty for a female body the equivalent is 10 so if someone doesn t have a spare ounce of fat they probably don t have the energy to be fucking because they have entered the death stages of starvation and that s not so hot to me besides aesthetically i like fat i like bellies and asses and boobs and not emaciated skeletons i am a thin light framed reasonably fit person and i carry fat i went on a ten day cleanse where i was only getting about 600 calories a day and i still had full breasts a belly and a jiggle in the ass which leads me to the firm ass this is confusing to me and maybe it s all just a matter of interpretation of what firm means when i think firm in terms of flesh i think of something like the feeling of squeezing a ripe mango like the muscle of deltoids or a tensed bicep and most asses are not firm except when tensed and it would be very uncomfortable to walk around like that all day some people do because they carry their stress in their hips and butt and it causes them all sorts of leg and back problems and kind of the allure of the ass to me is that it is indeed soft squeezable malleable ever so elastic when smacked it even deities forbid jiggles on a similar subject the male ass as two globes especially firm high ones this throws me off every time i read it forcing me to picture the perfectly hemispherical nature of the character s ass cheeks and to wonder how it s anatomically possible i do in fact know two people male who have this kind of ass or what i imagine this kind of ass would look like in real life and honestly it looks a little weird at first i have to keep reminding myself that it s their body type and appreciate it for what it is the firm pert high proud breasts this i blame on a culture that thinks breast binding for everyone who has them is normal breasts are not naturally high they are affected by gravity namely they go down they flatten out when we lay down and slide into our arm pits this is not the bad hideous horrible shameful to be avoided at all costs including cutting parts of your body off thing that we have been taught it is natural the process is retarded for some by the donning of bras i used to think bra encased boobs looked perfectly normal including my own when i finally shucked the thing and especially when i started living with other women who hardly ever wore bras my perspective changed radically now when i see boobs in bras i stare not because it s hot but because it looks so weird to see an abrupt shelf sticking out from just under someone s clavicles in the case of sports bras or the effect regular bras have even on small boobs which has a similar aesthetic to when i was a child and i put balls from the mcdonald s play pen up my shirt to simulate adult secondary sex characteristics it s also very bizarre to me to not be able to see someone s nipples through their shirt and you know my boobs do ride lower than they would if i wore a bra they will sag when i begin breast feeding and as i grow older this is a beautiful thing the breasts that are a perfect handful so nothing actually bothers be about this one and i like the image but i m surprised by how often this gets repeated in porn romance novels the small but perfect shtick seems an encouraging alternative to the only double d s are beautiful stereotype but i wonder at our lack of creativity in describing our bodies her juices my cunt is not a turkey every time i read about vaginal lubrication as juices i get so grossed out i guess for a lot of people it s very erotic so your mileage may vary when i think of juices i think of meat dead butchered roasting slowly in an oven or over a fire i don t think of my vagina wet and slick are very hot for me but for some reason i cannot handle the juices pussy again your mileage may vary this word seems to do it for a lot of people but pussy is never hot in reference to my vagina and usually not in reference to someone else s i really just prefer cunt short strong simple kind of like an onomatopoeia for the shape pussy just sounds kind of silly kind of humiliating to me which is why it seems to creep into my humiliation fantasies about a submissive person describing me fucking their pussy adjusting to the length and girth of a cock okay so this can happen to a degree both in vaginas and rectums b...