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Text of the page (random words):
t we were having a boy we are in no way at all disappointed just very surprised i kept looking at him through out the day saying we re having a girl we already have a pretty solid idea of our girl s name but it s not a sure thing yet we want to leave room for god to lead us if the name is not the right one for her she is so strong already i thought for weeks that i just was having some trouble with my stomach because of a popping sensation i would get well as i was having my ultrasound the tech looked at me and said do you feel her kicking cause i sure do so i know you have to be feeling those i definitely was and wouldn t you know it was that not so subtle popping feeling i had been having it was amazing to watch her kick on the screen and feel it at the same time she has a good strong heartbeat and everything is right on target with her development we went from the elation of hearing all that good news to there s something i do want to check on though you looked a little short in your cervix say what no you just told me everything looked perfect i heard her heartbeat she s perfect nothing is wrong all those things are true about her not me i ve been on bed rest since then with a incompetent cervix basically my gate was looking like it wanted to be open and given that i was 20 weeks almost 21 at the time that s not good thankfully this is a condition they know well and they have options for how to work with it that day turned whirlwind fast as they looked then had me wait in the waiting area i spoke to a couple people and then went home unable to speak to the doctor because he was in a procedure we were a bit messy unsure how to feel we had just received some of the best news and some truly frustrating news i felt like a car window with my button in the hands of a hyper 5 year old you guys know what i m talking about updown upppp down udowp we promised an announcement that afternoon and people were chomping at the bit for it and they were right to we had brilliantly wonderful news fantastic it s a girl yay from happy to confused from elation to desperation from praise to petition then back again and i had the words from the day before ringing in my head now is when the choice came what would i choose would i praise yes there is still so much good right now so much hope why would i despair that won t help a thing it s like i told someone earlier it would be easy to get mad at god it would be easy to say seriously why me do the hard thing embrace the joy there is a beautiful healthy little girl growing right now i feel more and more connected with her every day i write a journal to our little lady now i m nearly as bad to write in that as i am to post a blog but i m working on it i write to her reminding her of how important trust in jesus is of how excited we are to see her when the time is right i tell her of the dreams i have for her i try to think of what i would want her to know as a young adult if say i hope this isn t the case i am not there when she s a teenager a college student a new wife a new mom or perhaps a person truly meant for single life these entries these words on the pages of notebook are my connection to her be still my heart i just realized how like the bible that is do not cry blasphemy these are the things i want and need her to know to know me to know jesus to be able to hear my voice when perhaps she can t audibly in the moment she reads it they are my heart from me to her hums with love from me to you from is the second word in the new three part blog title that i promise i promise is coming trust me i have nothing but time right now to work on it here s the link to the first part glitter posted by didge at 10 02 am no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest wednesday june 26 2013 glitter tomorrow is the big day its the day we get to see baby e again and hopefully find out whether we are having a little boy or a little girl it s so exciting and a little bit terrifying setting aside thoughts of oh my word i m over half way there and dear lord am i ready to be a mom is somewhere ready to be a dad i guess we better be because it s happening and it is good as excited and nervous as i am there is still a thought of a little fear there is still that small part of my heart that no matter how hard i want to embrace this child and full heartedly enjoy this pregnancy that small part still has a guard up still has a ounce of fear of be careful what if you get all worked up and excited and tomorrow they say there is a problem and all that joy becomes pain it sucks don t even bother to pardon my french it plain old sucks to feel that today i put up a gender poll on facebook i ll admit it was scary someone asked for a baby bump picture to be able to make their prediction i smiled at the clever ploy to get a bump pic and raced to the bathroom to get dressed for work and get make up on so i could take it as i put on my make up i wondered if this could be the last happy picture of me in this pregnancy now before i go on with this seeming diatribe i am not dispondant about this baby i have every hope and prayer that tomorrow will be a day of awesome excitement and rejoicing i am posting this as an encouragement to other after loss moms that they are not alone in these little doubts and it is okay and normal i had that thought for that fleeting moment and i said to myself then embrace the joy today i enjoyed every second of that beautiful huge feeling baby bump i did my hair and i did my make up with happiness at getting ready to share my delight over this body carrying life in it as i drove to work after sharing the picture i thought about the moment of doubt and the embrace of joy i realized it was a lesson i hope to carry everyday from now on a lesson of not knowing what time you have left with anyone be they close or the person buying coffee from you that day you have that instant to give the belief that faith is not in vain to impart hope to sprinkle love to find the glitter in the moment to be the glitter embrace it english standard version 2001 so now faith hope and love abide these three but the greatest of these is love 1 cor 13 13 and on that note i give you the first word of the new blog name glitter the name has three parts and i am desperately trying to have it up by the first week of july be on the lookout for posts giving the next two parts source biblehub com posted by didge at 3 38 pm 2 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest friday may 31 2013 bragging on somewhere last night after a fun night of hanging out with some friends of ours somewhere and i got home about an hour after my normal i would call it bedtime but its more closely akin to loss of any power in the verse to stay awake time it doesn t matter if i m on a couch or in the bed or car i will fall asleep when we were playing halo with our friends i mentally had to will myself to stay awake with you will not lay down you will not lay down i was supremely grateful when somewhere watching out for me despite my most valiant attempts to last signaled we were headed home we got home and still had some tidying which really means cleaning to do before my brother yay and one of my close friends yayyay were planning to come in today they aren t coming together or anything it just happened to be they would both be here it really was the plan for me to just sweep and somewhere unload the dishwasher which i abhor and then go to bed i sat down for a moment to untie my shoes and say hello to my t dog who greets me like she will never see me again past this moment and figures i need a store up of her massive love it s rather nice last night though she managed to bop her head so gently onto one of the blemishes on my chin it stung but more than that it was the final straw it hurt and gave a crack in a wall i didn t even know was there built to contain the many emotions of this pregnant lady i felt the tears rise up as i just couldn t deal anymore i told t that i loved her but i needed space right now really it didn t hurt that bad i knew it was time to just cry give into the emotions for a moment and cry them out yes i m that kind of woman i stood up and took two steps to somewhere tears just about to start brimming over and hugged him perhaps grasped on and cling to him would be a closer image then i started to cry there has indeed been times when this would have been a little bit of a shock moment for him he knows how to deal with woman tears but his response used to be to make me laugh which i didn t mind at all or to perhaps be a bit overwhelmed himself and just try to understand my confusing rants of emotional angst not last night he asked what was wrong as he held me i sobbed about how tired i was and then just kept sobbing he told me that was really okay we ve had an incredibly busy month for us i simpered that i just needed a hug and his reply you can always come get one happysigh i sat down and he called b boy over to give me a kiss that dog gives awesome kisses somewhere waited and then gently asked if i was just tired i told him no this was quite a bit of baby hormones exhaustion and just plain being overwhelmed with everything which received a laugh filled series of questions that proved i wasn t exactly overwhelmed by everything he listened to the list of things that i was basically done over we talked about them a little and i asked if it would be so bad if we just went to sleep he asked if that s what i wanted and when i agreed it was he said he had been thinking about taking a nap anyway we ll talk about his sleep habits perhaps in another post they are different i was still teary when we started getting into bed i smiled and said okay it s almost over i then apologized for crying admitting that it was probably a frustrating startling or scary moment when i did he told me it wasn t i asked if it was confusing he said no i then asked what it was he replied that it was just something that would happen it just was you are probably wondering the point of this post it s my post of gratitude to be blessed with a spouse who is there this isn t to point out the ones that aren t there or anything like that i am just so blessed by the love and acceptance he shows he has been there for me through so so much he strives to be a provider and leader for our home he learns the complex lesson of what makes a me tick better every single day i ve watched him grow more protective especially since see the baby bump forming he guards me he protects he shelters do we ever have our bad days of course we do we both have moments of wondering if the other person knows us at all we don t always protect but in the end he is my teammate we will always look out for each other i love him side note for a great post on love check out sarah at my shady grove posted by didge at 9 41 am no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest thursday may 16 2013 heartbeats this may be updated later heartbeats are an incredibly important thing to me aside from the fact of how mine helps keep me alive i didn t realize that i loved the sound of a heartbeat until i met somewhere see this may be hard to believe considering my cold exterior but i can be so sappy and a bit of the romantic who are we kidding i cry at britain s got talent auditions anyhow i used to tell him that i missed my heartbeat i then explained that since i had given him my heart he now held my heartbeat in his chest i know cheesy after our time apart when he was at school or in nc i would lay my head against his chest whenever we would reunite and just listen to his steady heartbeat then with the sweethearts i lay on a table and listened with all of my might for the sound of life from the doppler i didn t know all i would ever hear was the sound of silence i m at peace with that now i waited again in april to hear that sound from the ultrasound machine it was the most glorious sound i think i ve ever heard that fast thump thump that filled the room every time i get nervous or have a rough day it s all i can do to stop myself from plunking down large amount of cash needed to rent a personal doppler i take a bath and lay submerged just wanting to hear something or feel a movement i haven t yet but one day i will i can t help but correlate that with my walk with god i m not the person who daily remembers to read their bible and spend time in devotions i ve typed before about my many failings as the day gets closer and closer though that somewhere and i will become the most frequent view of jesus baby e has my heart draws closer to god here i am about to be a mom it s so scary i ve felt so far off path before and still do sometimes some days get scary and i suddenly hear the silence i realize i want i need to hear his heartbeat and feel him move stronger than i have before more urgently then he fills the room and it is mystical posted by didge at 5 33 pm 7 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest tuesday april 30 2013 hullo hullo hullo we are safely moved and settled into our new awesome town unfortunately i do not have internet at home because the internet companies say it will be 20 years until we can truly 20 years _ therefore that has made getting the new site design up difficult even with a web developer for a husband it will be up as soon as we can get it up but for now i m just offline i thought about trying to blog from my phone all the time but that would get tedious quickly in more exciting news which has no bearing on the new name when it is announced somewhere and i are expecting again nov 9th is our due date we are super excited and have already heard a strong little heartbeat fill a room okay you are now all up to date and i am off to work until internet arrives in my area i ll simply continue to only post occasionally from the library thanks and have an awesome blessed day didge posted by didge at 11 49 am 1 comment email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest monday december 24 2012 break pause i wish i had the right words to say to those who are hurting this holiday how do you comfort when the heart is peacefully hurting i don t think things like i m supposed to be big and round right now i don t think things like all i want for christmas is to be pregnant i would love to still be pregnant but i am at peace that it is not to be right now to those who have had a love one leave this year i m so sorry this is such a time of joy and tears as happiness and smiles fill the air outlining the ones that aren t there all i hear in my mind is this every good gift and every perfect gift is from above coming down from the father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change james 1 7 he does not change he is not a good god one day and an apathetic god the next he is god and he is good aslan is a lion the lion the great lion o...