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Text of the page (random words):
re we go again well hello long time no post no particular reason for the deafening silence from moi i just ran out of steam lost my writing mojo down the back of the sofa or somewhere not really sure why the creative juices ran dry but dry they did indeed run if dry juices can run obviously the thing is apart from the general madness of this world we all share nothing much happened to relight my fire and force me to tongue lash the guilty which is uncharacteristically benign of me as i can usually find a foul mouthful for anyone who gets up my nose not literally of course but you know what i mean i can usually launch a well aimed gobbet of vitriol upon any figure of authority that i deem to have let us down or done us wrong and my blog had become a series of rants and when i stopped ranting i found i didn t have very much else to say i was very nearly tempted out of hiding by the ridiculous story of those police officers getting a serious bollocking for sliding down snowy hillsides on their police issue equipment my working title for that little gem would have been ello ello ello what s all this then or maybe what a riot shield or even all downhill from here but frankly in the event i just let it pass and hoped they d get away with it i wanted to have another go about our greedy politicians still squealing like stuck pigs because the lid of the expenses trough seems to have been slammed down on their thieving snouts and then i thought what s the point the rules will change they ll get their trotters rapped and find another more devious way to rip us off so i didn t bother too weary to care so i went away to think about what i ve done and what i ll do in the future if there is one for this blog i remembered a time when it used to be quite funny and not just me having a poke at parts of the establishment that annoyed me i looked back on my old posts and made myself laugh sorry if that sounds a bit arrogant comedian laughing at his own jokes kind of stuff and realised that i had become crabby so i decided to stop until my sense of humour returned funny things just seemed to stop happening to me quite a few miserable things did and i didn t want to do a gordon and cry in public i m not out to catch votes was that harsh but now i feel it s about time the miserable tide started to turn so this is what i want you to do tell me some good heart warming stuff silly stuff can you believe what happened to me kind of stuff nothing nasty heavy sad or doomy let there be light get swearing mother swearing again or better still laughing posted by swearing mother at 03 23 11 comments tuesday 2 february 2010 wife in the north is back so get over there and say hi posted by swearing mother at 22 45 7 comments thursday 10 september 2009 lying down on the job oh dearie dearie me and tut tut tut some doctors and nurses from the accident and emergency department at a swindon hospital are in serious trouble it seems the hospital management are on their case big time they are facing a disciplinary hearing no less they ve been very bad very bad indeed in fact it s a scandal so what on earth are they guilty of what have they done did they turn up for work drunk were they so hungover that they fell asleep whilst suturing someone s scalp wound did they sneak out for a sly fag and set fire to the plaster room or worse well i ll tell you they played a game and had some fun let me explain for those of you not in the know or as in touch as moi let me fill you in on the latest craze to sweep the nation apparently and you ll know this if you re as down with the kids as i am joke or if you read the times today there s a thing called the lying down game which consists of lying flat face down hands at your side palms pointed inwards toes to the floor in the most humorous unusual and public place you can manage you strike your pose and then get yourself photographed and post it on the internet it s described as parkour free running for those who can t be arsed it all sounds a bit random but i have to say that this new sport really appeals to me i may well take it up to people with a sense of humour like mine it s bloody funny seeing pictures of people balanced on top of post boxes shelves mountains horses fences and shop counters and as far as i can see no innocent human being has been injured by this activity as yet it seems a harmless pastime as opposed to for instance the ridculously named happy slapping or child pornography or dog fighting but i guess it won t be long before some bloody idiot proves me spectacularly wrong by impaling themselves trying to balance on a spike having not been warned that it s sharp ah well that s what you get for ignoring health and safety regulations if you ignore infection control regs presumably you can expect your wound to go septic too so picture the scene on a quiet night shift in a and e several young doctors and nurses came up with the idea that it would be a bit of a laugh to play the lying down game and take photographs of each other in unusual and amusing places around the department and post them on facebook unfortunately for them it seems that although they must have had a lot of fun posing for these photos lying face down on resuscitation trolleys unoccupied ones presumably or that would have been naughty ward floors and even the hospital heli pad some snitch informed der management which has taken a dim view of these japes sighting infection control and health and safety issues as the reason for the disciplinary action despite the fact that no patients were involved and patient care was not compromised at all they are taking this very seriously and heads may roll apparently bloody hell good job they weren t in charge of us back in the 60 s when i worked at a large teaching hospital or the lot of us would have been sent to alcatraz our nightly parties would often culminate in someone s pants waving from the flagpole or one of the doctors getting plastered literally from heel to groin and then left in a wheelchair to sober up in out patients i seem to remember a young sho getting his genitals painted bright blue with medical dye the night before his wedding if you re reading this now professor it wasn t me and tied with his stethoscope to a radiator that wasn t me either honestly a health and safety nightmare without a doubt a cantankerous senior surgeon found a stuffed moose s head on his examination couch covered by a sheet but left there by some minion he d been particularly vile to ok that was me an obvious infection control issue if ever there was one looking back now i don t know how we got away with any of it but no one got hurt and the job got always got done and with good humour ah happy days so although i wouldn t like to think that this sort of thing goes on with regularity and with the proviso that the patients would never suffer from it i expect a little light hearted fun on the night shift in the a and e department made a welcome change from being yelled at spat at punched vomited on bitten and stabbed and i feel sorry that those medics have got themselves into such trouble for it it s a shame they can t just have a stiff bollocking from matron as we used to if she ever caught us out rather than have this on their employment record for ever anyway must dash am taking hubby and the digital camera down to waitrose so that we can play the lying down game and he can take a pic of me flat out in the fruit and veg aisle amongst the pak choi i think or maybe the chanterelle mushrooms watch out for me on facebook if you don t know what parkour or free running is this must have been the most boring post you ve ever read would you mind looking it up on wikipedia thanks so much posted by swearing mother at 16 14 16 comments friday 14 august 2009 nhs in free for all poor old nhs a creaking giant born of good intentions the saviour of many the tormentor of some say what you will a service where everyone payed in to provide health care for all seemed to be a good idea at the time or was it according to critics both here and in america the national health service of great britain is a disgrace they say we are subjected to governmental control and tyranny in order to access basic health care for which they say we wait and wait for no good reason and what s more we have awful teeth nice how kind of them to mention it i ve worked in the nhs all my adult life and quite frankly despite all the negative press i m proud of what can be achieved although i m the first to agree it isn t all good news that much is obvious since 1969 i ve seen many changes many different incentives and initiatives relentlessly pursued only to be abdandoned and tried again years later with the same disappointing results i ve witnessed the rise and rise of superbugs the lowering of cleaning standards the out sourcing of basic services which are often substandard the ridiculous obsession with producing statistics rather than genuine improvements in patient care whole hospital departments exist merely to collect raw and sometimes inaccurate data mould it into the required good news format to be used in the never ending game of ping pong politics in which the nhs has become the continually battered ball point scoring results can be manipulated to order depending on who s asking the question and what they want the answer to convey legions of career focused hospital managers now spend their time in meetings about finances targets and cuts whereas at one time they used to know more about patients needs the local population the value of their staff sadly that s all in the past yes there s plenty to be negative about if we want to look and look and look for it but whilst we re having such a close look i d urge anyone who s at all interested in fair play and a balanced argument to take care not to ignore the tremendous good that is also achieved in the years i ve worked in the health service i ve seen kids who would never have previously survived into adulthood given transplant surgery which has provided them and their families with a future there are chronically ill people in the uk who are being kept alive by combinations of drugs therapy care all free at point of delivery what would happen to them if it wasn t for the nhs babies smaller than bags of sugar much smaller actually are now routinely cared for in amazingly expensive high tech units until they re big enough to go home when the nursing staff joyfully hand the parents a baby not a bill every day we can freely go to our gp s surgery or take part in some sort of health screening or be seen by a consultant without taking a credit card with us although change for the carpark would be handy but these treatments come at a cost and these costs come from our contributions and we who contribute do so on behalf of everyone i think we can be proud of that i ll not try to pretend that there isn t massive room for improvement in the nhs and admit that there are very very many cash strapped services which are not up to a good enough standard and yes our demands for health services outstrip the available supply because there simply isn t enough to do everything everyone wants so yes we sometimes have to wait and sadly yes some people have been very badly let down by the nhs for many different reasons but please don t forget the millions and millions of people who owe their health and wellbeing to it who have been treated successfully and well and are living proof that when the national health service is allowed to work it works it may be a long way from perfect but at least you can rest assured that the first question a patient is asked before treatment in a british a and e department is never going to be who will pay for me the sight of people in the us with no health insurance queueing up before dawn in order to see a doctor certainly vindicates our nhs warts and all and yes in this country you can get those treated for free too posted by swearing mother at 18 13 23 comments sunday 21 june 2009 new balls please well here we are in the middle of the year the sun s been shining wimbledon s well under way and at last we ve got a tennis player in with a chance of winning we ve had several bbqs already eaten more than enough strawberries and drunk far far too many jugs of pimms to be sensible when in charge of a barbecue at work there s a permanent aroma of fake tan in the office and we ve broken out the fans anyone would think we re having a summer at last all in the garden should be lovely well it would be but we haven t booked any holidays yet which probably accounts for the gently gnawing sense of anxiety that i m feeling right now it s the same every year if you ve been a reader since this blog began you ll know that i have trouble with holidays because i am a total wuss part of me wants to go everywhere do everything see the world and another part of me the fairly large dithery part unfortunately is scared shitless by taking the risk of going into the unknown even if it s only a few hours easyjet away i spend ages on the internet searching for the perfect location for us is there such a place i ask myself does it really exist get to the point of actually booking it and then and then nothing i just go off the idea because i read something dodgy about pick pockets in the area we re thinking of going to or someone tells me a horror story about the hotel we re booking or my husband makes a negative comment and or fails to look a interested b keen or c awake i slink off defeated read more travel magazines and worry that we re missing out on the big adventure which of course we are annoying isn t it what s to be done with me last year we threw caution to the wind went into the travel agent and willingly although unknowingly chucked away enough money to pay an mp s food bill on the holiday from hell i thought we were being spontaneous exciting and adventurous by booking at the last minute packing and leaving the uk all within three days when it actually turned out that we were just gullible idiots reeled in to fill a travel agent s quota and ended up somewhere which was totally the opposite of what we really wanted i asked you all for help in finding a good holiday venue somewhere not too touristy with nice restaurants lovely coastline friendly people you gave me your suggestions and what did i do i ignored them all and took a flyer thinking i was being really brave mistake big mistake this time i ll listen posted by swearing mother at 22 22 20 comments friday 5 june 2009 britain s got talons well it s been a gripping week our government s in melt down we ve got so cross with some of our less than honourable politicians that several of them have been forced out of office the prime minister could possibly be dusting off his suitcases and ordering the removal van for some time next week i guess and the vultures are circling over the houses of parliament barely waiting for the juiciest carcasses to draw th...