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Text of the page (random words):
left ever some tiny pieces get caught and i get excited but they fake the talk and the walk the time i take and lengths of conversation i have usually uncover the true intentions of people the idea of let me say what he wants to hear so i can meet and fuck will not work with me i am always in analysis and cross checking what people say and do guys will always show their true colors when you give them enough time and opportunity myself included maya angelou even said when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time so all i use is a tool called time and my god given eyes i have no clue why i use these apps with such a low success rate i don t know why i keep coming back day after day after day after day i m like a broken record feeling helpless in an endless loop of insanity it s probably my crazy need of friendship that i ve craved since i was a small kid maybe i never felt fulfilled with who i had as my current friends maybe i crave attention who knows i even had the paid subscriptions to grindr and scruff so what i ve decided to do is not renew my paid subscriptions it makes it easier to not scroll aimlessly through the grid with all the ads that pop up after ever other profile are annoying and i do not have endless profiles to search through also i will set a goal of one more friend to make and then to remove myself completely i swear it s like a drug and a bad habit i have no idea how i even allowed this type of thing to consume my everyday life for multiple times and occurrences throughout the day simply amazing so i may be looking for a hobby soon i will definitely need something to fill all the time i spend swiping through bodies on my phone i desire to be grid free and able to refocus my attention to something that matters more we ll see what happens over time just keep wondering posted by fuzzy 1 thoughts january 30 2022 enter authur i am currently 36 years old i started having sex when i was 18 years old my first mind blowing sex was when i was 19 i allowed myself to relax and become one with a man the pleasure i allowed myself to experience was unlike anything i could even accurately describe we had several sex episodes over the corse of 6 hours how i didn t want to leave i mean they kitchen bathroom bedroom a few different places on several floors i don t have the words to allow you to paint the picture i m painting craziness fast forward to 28 years old and i experienced my first orgasm from sheer pleasure the one thing i couldn t attribute to the best sex ever happened at one of my own sex parties yes the hodown hooked me up it was unexpected from a guy i would have never really had sex with his dick looked good and the tv glare shined in a perfect way and i felt froggy so i leaped in just a few mins later this man managed to make me feel so hot and wet and sexy and all of these feelings of greatness traveled to my dick and i filled my chest with nut while my arms were pinned against the wall i may have even got some on my face as i m remembering lol it was my second most memorable experience enter author author is a man who i met in 2018 or 2019 who i met and was very interested in dating i had a great time with him and it was not great timing on his end for several reasons it left me sorta paralyzed and helpless when he decided to sever communications it was sex and it was great and i wanted more i was shot down it was like a good high you wanted to experience over and over again then you re told that the drug isn t available anymore now you re in withdrawal smh fast forward jan 2022 our paths crossed again this time there are two factors that are differently unique the first was sex was what was supposed to happen what ended up happening was an experience combining the first two experiences mentioned above mind blowing sex and a orgasm to seal the deal this time because of my tendency to always ask questions and discover why things are the way they are i can say there was this comfort level between us that enabled us to elevate the sexual experience to a spiritual level that type of connection was one for my book rated as top notch the second factor enters in when he feels that same connection and accepts it we had a talk about what happened years before and how i felt and what was going on in his life and it would not have worked out for us in many aspects all to say good things to good people in the good time we re supposed to receive them here s the scary part i have a boyfriend and he has a boyfriend we agreed to remain friends there was a connection there that neither of us wished to cut off if it was just a friendship that could flourish that would be what would happen if there s more then we can add more we ve even hung out my bf and him and on my end there s no secrets the hope is the sun moon and stars align and we can all be life friends it s a tall ask for such a new friendship but that s how deep this connection is i m just amazed this even happened and i can talked about it i can t wait to add a chapter onto this author series just keep wondering posted by fuzzy 0 thoughts january 23 2022 1 year already i can t believe it s been a year since i found some time to write to you all about myself and life and all of that 2021 was quite the eventful year i lost my father in july i got a promotion in october i either discovered that i have anxiety issues or developed them sometime after july i went ring shopping with my boyfriend i managed to have my first family dinner with all of my siblings at one time my income changed i decided that i am going to go back to school with intent on finishing so much happened the funny part in 2022 things are happening quickly as well i believe that writing here more often might be an option to help me release some of my emotions feelings and provide an opportunity for me to begin to find some kind of peace panic attacks increased heart rate and dealing with everyday things worry me and well i must start to feel better they say talk about your problems and get them out in the open they say express yourself well lets give it a go there s been some developments in my emotional life some are pretty racy and others may be concerning to some probably myself first i ll bring the blogosphere along for every step of the ride and hopefully grab some feedback in the process if not it s cool writing is quite enough for me here here for 2022 and all the many surprises there will be to come just keep wondering posted by fuzzy 0 thoughts january 26 2021 2 years later i can t believe that it s been 2 whole years since i ve thought to visit the place that gave me a freedom i needed i suppose a catch up is in order and what a perfect time than 2 years exactly from my last post let me tell you it s gonna be a good one last i wrote i was in this place with a man named robert to be more specific there was an entanglement between two men who lived on two different coasts of this grand ol united states what made it complicated was how the ordeal started who the entanglement involved the disillusion had by some and failed communications by all not to be messy because i ve grown up a lil but i just want to move past it and wish that other involved parties would heal and reconcile to give a non descript summary i met a guy who i wanted to date and our timing wasn t right years went by and then distance became an issue but the timing seemed to be better that it was or quite possibly could ever be the horrible part is there was another involved guy who made me jealous enough to deeply pursue robert he was caught in the middle and well there were hurt feelings we are still together until this day while i would change some things i did to get here i would leave it just the way it was if it meant i wouldn t be where i am today while i believe he ll never read this if he does love ya i m still at chili s i hate being here but i feel as though after putting 10 years into a company i may as well stay that s if my job wasn t a pain in my back literally that leads me to some more grown up things i m looking for a new job that is less physical and will give me the same luxiourous cash as i currently get or more unfortunately at my age my options are limited due to my education and experience i ve dug my own hole good thing for me it s not a deep one uber eats has become a great side job before the pandemic and has proven to be a great 1st job so far as finances go if you put in the time you will make the money it s easy to give time to drive around delivering peoples food i get to catch up on podcasts listen to music and have some alone time if i want need the fabulous part is i m great at it and i m a diamond level driver i guess i forgot to mention that i get to go to school for free and not just for a associates level degree i ll be getting a undergrad degree in nutrition something i ve been wanting to do for the last 12 years and ive tried twice to do so and well i haven t succeeded this time i will strategically plan this out and i will finish this is the chance i need to change my story into something i will be proud of something i can say i did something i can say i finished it s my chance to give myself a good set up and i believe i have enough of life s wisdom so i can make better choices concerning my future so i m going for it and well another chapter is about to begin not yet though i m still typing i am good for having a car with some issues name an issue i m sure i ve had it i paid off another car in 2020 and i was sooooo proud of myself i had some pretty pricy repairs done on this car and it was grim at one point if i was going to recover from the repair bill let alone pay it off it got done though and i had the title to a car i had no clue i was going to be trading in just a handful of months yeah i said it i had another major issue and that was the straw that made the camel slip lol it didn t take me long to get into a new car as i was saving up for a new one anyway i wasn t able to get the car i wanted but i got a car that made me happy and well its another volkswagen i can t get enough of the gti it was the first car i ever wanted i had one in midnight club my friend had one in high school and i wanted one then when i finally experienced the fun that was vw gti i don t think i could ever not own one i m hooked and gti is my crack i can t get enough it s what i wanted and its what i got the 2017 autobahn gti in dark grey i ve officially named it shadow after the hedgehog from sonic we will be on many adventures together as i made sure to double up on my warranty this one wont be catching me off guard nope wisdom i made a decision in 2020 that i was going to be a better adult and start to care more about my yheallth and finances i ve paid off some bills collections and a car off i ve started the process of getting my teeth fixed and just began round two of that yesterday my back has been greatly bothering me and i found out about some herniations i have in my back so i started dealing with that covid has hindered me from getting treatments but i m going to reduce my own excuses for 2021 my feet also suck and i m in process of fixing that problem as well my wellness mind body and soul is what i m focused on this year i want to be happy all around and well treat it like a spoiler if you want but there s gonna be some moves made this year that make good for a happy fuzzy no tea concerning that today i guess you ll need to come back to find out what i can say is i plan on doing some traveling and quarantining when it s safer to do so who s to say what else is in store speaking of happiness hodown s are on an indefinate pause it s too risky so much out there and sickness running about it s better that i don t the indefinate part comes from the happiness i have attained from not dealing with the horned up men who have no regard for effort given sho no respect and have the audacity to look at me funny when someone doesn t want them anyway that s a whole other topic the immediate benefit that i have seen is that i ve been able to see my apartment and finally start to feel like its my home i m not sure if you might understand but everyone has items they hold dear to them everyone has a life and possessions be it small or large i am no exception its rough to live some where and throw a party where lurky fingers and prying nosy eyes are scouring your home looking for opportunity on a weekly basis hell sometimes multiple times per week putting your life away day after day securing belongings anywhere you can to keep them is exhausting and started to wear on me after letting my life out oof the closet i m relieved i don t need to put it back it s an awesome feeling and i am not in any rush to revisit that past covid 19 may have indeed killed the hodown fear not fuzzy is still around and my imaginary thoughts ponderances and stories will live on if anything it ll be back later on bigger and better than ever just not in my living space i think i will end this post with this thought i m playing house and building a future with someone who wants a future with me where will this go what does this mean for fuzzy why must fuzzy keep us in suspense so many questions and so very lil time until the next time just keep wondering posted by fuzzy 2 thoughts january 26 2019 rob called me to say good night i definitely got no sleep last night all i could think about was how i could let myself become so involved with someone who is thousands of miles away how could i let myself get mixed up into this messy shit and feel this magnitude about it its a super smh moment and m definitely not proud about it i took a shift on my day off to occupy some of my time that was just empty space wondering the most and thinking the worst before i went in i tried to sort out some delivery foolishness with dhl and usps i ordered a contactless card reader i think that s what it s called and square inc sent it via dhl to usps i was sent to be delivered this past tuesday and records show that it was actually delivered problem is i don t have my package after calling number after number with dhl i was finally referred to usps to follow up with them i sat on hold and was transferred to several departments and finally reached an automated recording telling me that i needed to file some sorta form online or at a local post office branch to go forward and expect to wait the minimum of 3 business days that did not fly well with me at all then i tried to call square back on my way to work and they wanted some stupid number that didn t have time to pull over and record and enter into their automated system so i was super pissed that you need some stupid number to get past some automated tele prompt recording to speak to a live representative so i clock into work and the bs happened immediately there was a call out and they greeted me at the door with do you wanna work tonight that s gonna be a super hard no one 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