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look different and mj is about 30 pounds heavier and 4 inches taller than aj here are some recent photos of aj mj the second photo really shows the difference in size between them photos removed on 1 27 2018 if you are a regular reader email me through the email address in my profile happy birthday my loves and many more posted by s at 10 34 am no comments friday october 13 2017 do genes matter even though taking down the original photos changes this post i removed the original photos on 11 2 2017 in the interest of not having photos of my son displayed indefinitely on the internet and replaced them with the photo you see now which doesn t clearly show his whole face these recent photos of my son mj and me were taken during our annual family photo session the second photo was taken when we didn t know that the photographer was shooting i love them because i think that they really show the love and strong bond between us side note aj was in a mood during our session and refused to pose for any photos with me although someone studying these photos would search in vain for a physical resemblance between the two of us mj looks very similar to my mil as a child despite this lack of similarity in looks i think that anyone would recognize that these are photos of a mother and son i am still active in a group for parents via egg donation and a fair number of members of the group are either ttc with de or still pregnant understandably many of those folks wonder about how their children will feel about being de conceived some also wonder if they will feel the same toward their de conceived child as they would toward a child conceived with their own eggs i happened to read one of those posts expressing doubt around the same time that i received these photos from our photographer i suppose individual experiences may vary and of course i have no basis for comparison having no children who were conceived with my own eggs but i don t think there is a way that i could love my sons more or vice versa had they been conceived with my own eggs in fact in a weird way i think that the fact that i share no genes with my sons frees me to know them without preconceived notions about how they will be like me so at least for me no genes do not matter in my relationship with my sons posted by s at 9 36 am no comments saturday august 19 2017 the days are long but the years are short with my sons starting kindergarten and after seeing photos over the past two weeks of so many children of my friends who are going off to college or starting high school i was thinking tonight that i should really be cherishing this time with my sons they still tell me that they love me multiple times a day love to give me hugs and kisses tell me i m the best mommy in the world and say that the weekend days are their favorite days because they get to spend all day with mommy and daddy it won t be long before they are embarrassed by me and prefer the company of their friends to that of their parents before they start thinking i am uncool or can t possibly understand them instead of thinking that i know everything and coming to me with all their questions before they take a bigger step along the path of the inevitable separation from me i need to remember that i won t always have alex wanting to blow me 30 kisses before i leave his room at bedtime and that they won t always be getting up asking for one more hug even on the nights when i am tired and long for them to sleep so that i can have a quiet moment with my husband or go to sleep myself i need to dig deep and give them the best i have to give because there will come a day not too far distant when they won t want so much of me and that will be harder in a way than being wanted all the time posted by s at 10 47 pm no comments friday december 16 2016 anyone out there it has been nearly a year since my last post here although i wrote in my last post about whether i should abandon the blog or continue to post here i don t know that i necessarily made a conscious decision to completely quit the blog it was more that it had begun to feel like one more task that i couldn t quite stay on top of and that i felt i had moved far from my original reason for beginning to write here infertility there have been a handful of occasions during the past year when i have had thoughts that i would have liked to share with someone but those thoughts didn t seem appropriate for this space they were either musings about current events the challenges of motherhood or other topics that have nothing to do with infertility and while i know that plenty of other infertility bloggers write about these topics and i have too on occasion i just didn t feel right doing so i consider my infertility resolved i am nearing 46 years of age and we do not intend to have more children for several good reasons i have talked with my sons in a rudimentary way about the means of their conception and they get it as much as two not quite 5 year olds can our sons are doing great they will be 5 next month and they bring us so much joy and frustration at times their personalities are night and day different and they don t even look like twins these days being their mom is fun most of the time photos removed as of 12 31 2016 i know several of my former followers have found me on fac ebo ok where i post photos of my sons engaged in various activities on a pretty regular basis if you are reading this post and would like to connect email me at the email address in my profile posted by s at 3 31 pm 9 comments tuesday december 29 2015 2015 recap in looking back over 2015 i see that this post is only my 37th of the year that s less than a post a week and the lowest yearly total i ve had since starting this blog back in 2009 i sometimes think that i should just shut this blog down entirely as i seem to post here only sporadically and the posts i do share are hardly a true or at least complete reflection of my life or my feelings in looking back at my posts over the past year it appears that i only occasionally post about my sons and or motherhood and most often just post random updates about what is going on in my life plus the reason i started the blog infertility is no longer an issue in my life i have been a mother to my sons for nearly four years and for a variety of reasons we do not intend to have any more children i will be 45 on my next birthday so while i am technically probably still infertile i am far from being in the trenches anymore so as i recap 2015 i am giving some consideration to whether i should even continue to post here most of the time this blog just feels like one more thing i can t keep up with these days 1 what did you do in 2015 that you d never done before i rode the polar express with my sons 2 did you keep your new year s resolutions and will you make more for next year i didn t make any new year s resolutions for 2015 and don t intend to make any for next year i ve come to believe that for me all resolutions do is set me up to fail 3 did anyone close to you give birth hmm not anyone close to me but a couple of friends had babies and a couple more are due next month 4 did anyone close to you die no 5 what countries did you visit none 6 what would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015 same answer as the last two years i need to exercise more so i can have more energy and better health 7 what dates from 2015 will remain etched upon your memory and why no particular date stands out 8 what was your biggest achievement of the year i seem to have finally found a job where my skills and abilities are appreciated and compensated financially that s a first for me 9 what was your biggest failure i m not sure i feel like i am failing at something nearly every day 10 did you suffer illness or injury yes i was hospitalized in late april early march due to sepsis and have also had several less serious illnesses throughout the year including some nasty colds a gi virus bronchitis and an eye infection 11 what was the best thing you bought adele s new cd 25 12 where did most of your money go once again to child care expenses almost as much as to our mortgage 13 what did you get really excited about taking the boys to the polar express 14 what song will always remind you of 2015 bad blood which mj calls the fighting song 15 compared to this time last year are you happier or sadder about the same thinner or fatter ever so slightly thinner richer or poorer slightly richer thanks to a raise and an unexpected bonus 16 what do you wish you d done more of slept 17 what do you wish you d done less of procrastinating 18 how did you spend christmas at home with my family husband kids mother and inlaws 19 what was your favorite tv program i don t have one 20 what were your favorite books of the year the life changing magic of tidying up spoiler it didn t change my life the girl on the train the giver surprisingly i had never read it and bel canto 21 what was your favorite music from this year adele s new cd 22 what was your favorite film of the year hmm probably spy 23 what did you do on your birthday and how old were you husband took me out to dinner and inadvertently spoiled my evening i blogged about this here i turned 44 24 what one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying a two week spa retreat 25 how would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2015 basic 26 what kept you sane chatting with other mothers of small children who work outside the home it s nice to know that there are other friends dealing with the same challenges as i am 27 tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2015 i can t do it all it s foolish to even try posted by s at 10 58 am 4 comments tuesday december 22 2015 happy holidays photos removed as of 12 28 2015 if you missed the post and would like to see them email me at the address in my profile this year s holiday card throwback to two years ago our biggest failed visit to santa posted by s at 1 42 pm 1 comment wednesday december 2 2015 i think i m ahead i m so far behind at present i think i m ahead work has been exceptionally busy for the past 6 weeks or so with no end in sight add in my sons and the holidays and i am feeling quite swamped here are the main things going on in my life of late apart from work traveled to mi ami be ach for work and got one glorious night of uninterrupted sleep in a hotel right on the beach had a good thanksgiving with my mother and my inlaws i only prepared one minor side dish celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary the saturday after than ksgiv ing aj insisted we put up our ch rist mas tree on monday so now it s on display took the boys to a local reptile sanctuary over thanksgiving weekend and they loved it mj held a king snake and aj actually licked a green anaconda after petting him for a while taking the boys on the po lar ex press this coming saturday a dear friend is pregnant with her third and i m attending a sprinkle lunch in her honor saturday before we leave for the northern part of the state have done some shopping for the boys presents but none for anyone else at least i have an idea of what i ll buy sent out my holiday cards i used to love doing a family ch ris tmas letter but i simply don t have the time these days so folks just get a photo card from us have been working on organizing my digital photos in anticipation of printing them all i crazily signed up for the embrace your phone course which targets this issue in early november started the 21 day fix on monday and so far so good long overdue to eat more healthfully and exercise more regularly i need to do something to have more energy if i make it to february 1 with my sanity intact i will be very grateful posted by s at 12 16 pm 1 comment older posts home subscribe to posts atom about me s we started trying to conceive our first child in april 2008 i am now 45 my husband who i call mm here is now 43 our infertility has been unexplained and the only explanation our local re ever offered for our inability to conceive was old eggs we did a de ivf cycle in june 2011 and it worked our twin boys were born in january 2012 just past 34 weeks view my complete profile welcome during our time trying to become parents i wrote here about my thoughts and feelings related to dealing with infertility and its treatment eventually about my pregnancy with our twin boys i now write sporadically about parenthood after infertility and whatever else runs through my mind thanks for visiting if you are a parent via egg donation or considering using donor eggs i highly recommend the non profit organization parents via egg donation as a resource for you i love hearing from my readers through comments or emails and invite you to email me at the address in my profile if you don t wish to leave a public comment the content on these pages including text and images are the sole property of the author unless otherwise noted all rights reserved all materials are protected under the united states and international copyright laws and treaties which provide substantial penalties for infringement the use of any images or other materials included herein in whole or part for any purpose including but not limited to reproduction storage manipulation digital or otherwise is expressly prohibited without the written permission of the author that said if you want to use it or link to it just ask xml namespace blog archive 2018 1 january 1 my sons are 6 2017 2 october 1 august 1 2016 1 december 1 2015 37 december 3 november 1 october 5 september 4 august 1 july 3 june 2 may 2 april 2 march 4 february 2 january 8 2014 55 december 6 november 5 october 4 september 5 august 2 july 3 june 4 may 7 april 2 march 4 february 6 january 7 2013 54 december 4 november 1 october 2 september 2 august 5 july 2 june 5 may 3 april 2 march 10 february 8 january 10 2012 108 december 6 november 32 october 18 september 4 august 11 july 5 june 6 may 9 april 6 march 1 february 4 january 6 2011 147 december 10 november 9 october 6 september 8 august 8 july 12 june 26 may 25 april 18 march 12 february 7 january 6 2010 184 december 4 november 3 october 24 september 31 august 21 july 22 june 22 may 23 april 15 march 10 february 7 january 2 2009 160 december 4 november 16 october 19 september 7 august 20 july 14 june 20 may 14 april 23 march 23 still in the trenches the unfair struggle say what you need to say 12 years ago bottoms off and on the table i hate christmas 14 years ago fellow twin moms andmom alternate universe 1 year ago i m polycystic inside one baby and two hands 9 years ago a little hope almost 4 months 10 years ago hiya 10 years ago somewhere only we know summertime blues and an update 10 years ago best when used by plus three protected peach and mac on the verge of 2 years old 11 years ago better full than empty a bird in the hand 11 years ago all i ever wished for september cycle start or not 12 years ago eggs in a basketcase in case you want t...