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i almost knocked over a huge flower centerpiece in the lobby ca june 2004 published april 17 2011 lifestyle leave a comment but that doesn t stop me from hovering all around the place like an apparition i m in bohol travelling alone all the time has leveled my head it has proven that the bottom line is we have to fend for our own hide ormoc i was down with the flu but it was too late to cancel so all red in the face i lug the training manuals the binder of transparencies as heavy as concrete blocks and that gargantuan overhead projector into a tricycle yes tricycle some cities don t enjoy the luxurious volume of taxicabs that manila and cebu take for granted the tricycle jolts as it negotiates a pothole and hurls the bag of manuals and transparencies into the busy road i yell hunong sa to the unknowing driver pounce dangerously into the street play patintero with a swarm of oncoming vehicles retrieve my precious cargo and sprint like mad back to the tricycle minutes later i try to figure out how to set up the ohp i carried from the medieval ages when i finally get it poised and ready i hit the switch no light i visualize pushing it off the pedestal dumaguete feb 14 valentine s night i was hungry like hell i walk the whole boulevard stretch i must have seemed like joseph in bethlehem moving from house to house asking kindly for lodging and getting refused over and over again sorry ma am fully booked ang restaurant i hate valentine s night as lovers out on the most hackneyed date of the year shoot pathetic glances at me they think awww kaluoy niya wa siya y date i wish they all choke on their carbonara miles later of walking back and forth i end up in the same restobar i usually haunt no more spaces at the tables so i to squeeze into the bar and i mean squeeze i ve never seen so many foreigners within a few square meters of me before i don t look up as i eat my fries and pasta i ignore the waitresses rushing past me as i drink my beer this place is busier than an anthill a foreigner tries to strike a conversation i pretend not to hear i was hungry like hell same place i m not hungry anymore but i m bored like hell randall a h marketing officer and i have finished our respective obligations by lunch now we have four hours to burn before the boat ride back to cebu we check out of the hotel at twelve noon and take our lunch now what i buy me a pack of luckies and a bottle of bubble solution we find a shady spot where we could sit along the boulevard by the sea just to see if it works i try to blow smoke into bubbles you know what it does work and it s so wonderful watching those smoke bubbles float listlessly and pop in the air releasing isolated puffs of lucky strike menthol randall laughs at me because he thinks it s ridiculous later on we re still bored we drink two rounds of stong beer at shakey s and it was still 2 30 pm i propose a bet as to what sort of movie will be shown on the vessel he says war movie i say superhero winner gets a bag of popcorn just married starring ashton kutcher and brittany murphy so we split the popcorn bill bogo cebu the satellite office is still under construction so we had to book a place for a seminar this one we got is a function room by day discobar by night naturally our closest neighbors are videoke joints i talk about risk factors and underwriting guidelines while an amateur belts aaallll byyeee myyyeeesseh ee elfff so the proprietor a rotund british guy who seems genuinely concerned hands me a microphone so i could be heard above the poor wailing woman just as i speak through the mic some guy from the other side of the street sings oh baby baby my baby baby so i sing with him really i did new habit old habit gone habit published march 27 2011 books lifestyle leave a comment tags books chuck palahniuk haruki murakami james wilcox non fiction plain and normal wesley gibson what i talk about when i talk about running you are here new habit running since i decided one day some weeks ago that i will start running every day there hasn t been a day when i didn t run ok counting the treadmill too on rainy days cut me some slack it s monsoon season here alright i exaggerated i honestly never missed on regular days but i can t run on days when i extend shift unless i pull a superwoman routine and decide i can still run despite the 12 hour work schedule maybe i can but i won t gone habit smoking because i realized at the start that i couldn t even sustain running 2 minutes without losing my breath i am that pathetic i quit smoking i m not a health nut i just thought i should give myself a chance to run 5k straight then get back to smoking if i still feel like it old habit reading that is the old habit that i seem to have left behind there are strange explanations here that i can t seem to form into words but just know that this running and quitting smoking made me want to read as much as i used to and in these past weeks i finished reading the following which is a very good pace for me a very good pace indeed please consider that i haven t picked up a single book to read in the past 9 months put one foot in front of the other repeat ad nauseum published march 11 2011 lifestyle leave a comment i don t know why i m forcing myself to write when i don t feel like writing i think it s because i have this new notion that i could get that mojo back if i just keep at it so no matter how blah i feel i must write something plus i resolved this year to log my days in some form of journal why not this blog this is the same feeling i get running i don t know why i m forcing myself to run even when i don t feel like running the other day as i dragged myself to the bathroom to change into my trainers my mind scurried from one excuse to the next trying to find ways to make me sit it out for the day but i realized with some mental pain that if i find excuses then i would find excuses later and that would just lead me to eventually quit because i m a quitter but not this time oh but i did quit smoking so i m a quitter in that sense i m not saying that with pride i m saying that it got in the way of breathing regularly when i reach points of exhaustion i am not a health activist i finish a whole can of pik nik after i exercise i know there are people who do fitness training yet maintain the habit of smoking i m not one of those blessed individuals i am one who gets winded out of my skull going back to writing i still haven t come across anything that could inspire me when i feel well uninspired some people offered their own preferences maybe i should try some out myself this blogger said running sometimes takes him there too let s see where it takes me going back to running i still haven t figured out a way to get rid of the laziness that sweeps over me just before i pound the streets but there was one day when i decided to channel richard simmons i can t recall why him of all exercise video people i simply guessed that the thought of him would keep me entertained enough to forget the time so with richard simmons as my existential guide i clipped the streets on a balmy afternoon birds trilling in the trees blossoms peeking through shrubbery most likely a campy smile on my face as i waved at tourists on their yellow and pink vespas for hire when i ran past a gentleman the father and a young lady the daughter crossing a street the gentleman lets out this trite jogging witticism you must be running late to which i beamed and cheerfully responded despite my shortness of breath running late for fitness i will no longer channel richard simmons wait i think i still want to with disco tank top candy stripe shorts and bunched up socks maybe this will make me want to write too people who baffle me no 2 published march 10 2011 relating thinking leave a comment these days when i ask women how old they are the most frequent answer i get is not in the form of a number they often give me this cheesy smile that i have grown to loathe and say guess in a kind of playful tone that makes me want to knock my own head into a brick wall guess what what are they making me guess for when people ask me how old i am i automatically blurt out my age whether they think i look younger or older than my age is a non issue really i am not offended when someone says i look older as neither am i proud when someone says i look younger it s plainly and simply not a big deal to me not that i don t care about appearance i am admittedly quite vain but for some reason age or should i say a particularly lower age has never been something i try to aspire to but since i have learned in various annoying ways that women get offended when you think they look older than they really are whenever someone asks me to guess her age i deduct 5 from my actual estimate that s to preserve my ass like this one who looked 43 to me she goes guess i say 38 tee hee hee i m already 42 she says with a schoolgirl lift of the right shoulder i think well you look already 43 sometimes people really do baffle me disappearing in a cloud of dust published march 9 2011 lifestyle leave a comment so i did start running and i was faithful to the program it s not much but for one normally unfit and lazy and bound to the couch i m doing a good enough job i sweat about a bucket but that would be the humidity and exhaustion combined the next day it was the rain and exhaustion combined that s right i didn t let up even if the weather was getting the other runners down i stick to the footpath slushing a little through puddles sometimes on the wet grass just where the gutter meets the street make my way to one of the five star resorts whose driveway forms a kind of cul de sac at the gate of one of the exclusive subdivisions the other day i suddenly had this big slab of self awareness drop on top of me like the proverbial anvil in the midst of a good pace i suddenly wondered how i look like running are my shoulders square is my neck drawn is my back arched wait is my butt sticking out then i abruptly switched to a brisk walk because i got quite bothered by the idea of the sight of me running a few steps on a grandmother and her small grandson got ahead of me so i picked up the pace again feeling a little ashamed that two such persons were outwalking me as i slacken by the pedestrian lane to let a utility pick up through the intersection the driver decelerates shouts you go on can t get in the way of your running so i smile an out of breath smile and flash him a thumbs up as i run across his path when the rain advanced to a strength you won t call a drizzle anymore i was about five yards from the nearest shed i considered for a moment taking shelter until the rain passed but i had such fierce loyalty to the program i didn t want to ruin the time i was going for so i ran past the shed where the tourists followed me with a collective puzzled gaze what is this asian lady doing naturally that only served to increase my self awareness and i wish i could crawl into a hole in the tree yesterday the weather decided to do the exact opposite it was 31 degrees the time i knocked off with that heat even changing into my trainers in the bathroom cubicle felt like an ordeal and i began to imagine people looking at me thinking i must be crazy i warded off the thought i must just be insecure about senseless things finished the training and jumped into our pick up all sweaty and tanned from the back seat my husband s friend asked in amazement man how could you run in this heat then i became paranoid again i am obviously thinking like a self conscious pubescent who thinks the world gives a damn about what i m doing when in fact they couldn t care less people who baffle me no 1 published march 5 2011 thinking leave a comment there s a pinay here a gp looks over 50 who recently moved back after a rather unsuccessful stint in a developed country unsuccessful meaning she didn t get a pr i ve never seen her before i wouldn t have a clue how she looks like and frankly i m not one of those who will feign interest for the sake of fellowship for some reason unknown to the likes of me she thinks i am obliged to come up to her be chatty with her and all that unnecessary friendliness just because we are both pinays in a foreign land so i wonder am i obliged in a small get together that i didn t attend she goes up to another pinay and says i don t even say hi to her and when she ran into me i avoided her motherfucker i don t even know her i wouldn t recognize her fuckface if it smashed into me one day last week one of my colleagues pointed her out to me from a considerable distance eventually after that i came up to where she was having lunch with another pinay and introduced myself then like a crazy weirdo she gives me this haughty look and said yes i told insert name here that you don t say hi to me and that you avoided me when i ran into you to which i said motherfucker i don t know you and i don t know your face how could i have avoided you no i didn t really say that my mind said it i said with a smirk and with all the respectful sarcasm i could muster sorry about that but how could i have said hi to you or avoid you when i wouldn t have recognized you i didn t know how you looked like until insert name here pointed you out today i must have scoffed because after that she wouldn t even address me in the mini conversation and couldn t manage to look into my eyes sometimes people baffle me i have to run published march 5 2011 lifestyle leave a comment six days ago i started running on the treadmill but running nevertheless i started with alternating 90 seconds brisk walking and 60 seconds running until the timer says 30 minutes then i step off the machine and walk across the garden before stretching on our terrace then the other day i started alternating 90 seconds walking and 90 seconds running within the same time frame though i cheated one day when i just had to get on and off to watch the replay of american idol but i kept marching in place while watching doesn t compensate really but at least i try this may not sound impressive but if you know me and my lifestyle this is a vast improvement i who can barely sustain running over 60 seconds straight without losing my breath and splitting my sides about 15 pounds heavier ago decided to run and on the tradmill too one thing i used to be repulsed by because i just thought it s unspeakably boring this may also sound as if i m following the crowd literally in the philippines of runners who have taken it upon themselves to tread the open pavements because well everybody else is doing it i am not a hipster snob but i do take efforts to stay away from things that everybody else is doing so kill me so why on earth did i start doing it because i m in a foreign country and that strangely motivated me to run today if it doesn t rain when i knock off from work i m going to actually run outside guess where i m at work of course published february 27 2011 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