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Text of the page (random words):
g frustrated and disappointed in my ability to really articulate my experience as kind as she is it was difficult for me to listen to her share how it took her five years to get to a better place after the death of her very loved sister who died perhaps in the last decade next time i may ask her about the time line but i know her sister was older a senior the words from this blog spoke to me about the feelings i also experience bereaved parents grief does not demand pity it requests acknowledgement grief is not simply a feeling it is a deep indescribable anguish of the soul that permeates our entire being it exists whenever there is trauma and loss i do not say this to diminish anyone s grief in the loss of a beloved pet a mate etc however there is no grief that compares with the loss of a child you do not get over it you do not move on from it you only move forward with it the excruciating pain becomes a lifelong companion bereaved parents are not wallowing in self pity a part of their soul has been violently torn from them yes they go on and find a manner of functioning that may appear to the outsider as if they have gotten over it but let me be frank no they have not appearances can be deceiving any unexpected view original post 674 more words posted in death of adult chil 1 comment every day is mother s day posted on may 12 2017 by dw i have been silent for a very long time many thoughts have been whirling in my head and as i approach another mother s day without you julia i wanted to write something i haven t but this post from another mother spoke to me and i am sharing it because i think it s very true every day is mother s day just not the flowers and presents kind of mother s day ofmenandmountains my mother used to say every day is mother s day as a child i never knew what to make of that i am loath to admit i thought she meant that we were supposed to put her up on a pedestal bring her flowers and candy every day maybe we should have she never explained herself she would have a look that my young eyes could not discern and later with repetition of the phrase i came to ignore it there were things i made for my mother that i wanted to give her they were met with mixed reactions i had my feelings hurt there were things that i gave my mother because i thought she expected them and when she would gush over them it felt hollow i wonder how many times i have done that to my own children my view original post 410 more words posted in death of adult chil leave a comment what they don t ask about posted on december 9 2016 by dw here i am at another holiday season and someone actually gave me a kind word by saying it must be hard this time of year because of julia about how julia would not be coming home for the holidays and that must make it hard my reply was it s difficult all of the time but the holiday time is a different kind of difficult she agreed and we settled on the word different then we talked about her new relationship and how happy she seems she went home to her new boyfriend and the ability to call her daughter even though it s long distance i went home thinking about how i wish i could explain that yes the holidays are hard as my daughter would have come home but the rest of the year is equally hard do people really believe that i only think about julia during thanksgiving or the christmas chanukah season or other special holidays how do i tell people that i think of her every day the truth is that no one asks so i don t tell anyone how much i miss her clearly some people think about how it might be difficult for a grieving parent at the holiday season some people actually acknowledge our daughter s absence most don t it really is as if she had never existed i can understand that kind of thinking from those who never knew her or didn t know her well but it s hardest from family and close friends sometimes i wish i could just say i d like you to try not talking to your son or daughter for a whole year try not calling texting emailing using facebook twitter or sending a letter or card try it and then get back to me then try it again for another year ask me if the holidays are hard after you ve lived through one two or three years of your child s silence it s not the special days it s the ordinary days where julia is missing from her life and mine as grateful as i am to have had her as my daughter for 29 years i just plain miss her i miss her in all the ordinary ways that was her life and mine i wish i could tell people it s the ordinary they will miss most it s the ordinary and simple days that people don t ask about posted in coping with the death of a child death of a child death of adult chil grieving the loss of a child 1 comment three years tomorrow posted on march 14 2016 by dw march 14 2016 dear beautiful daughter how much i miss you every time i read this poem my heart breaks open and i cry how much i wish i could live up to this poem and i will try i am trying but it still seems impossible that you aren t here and that i am forced to live out the rest of my days without you without your laughter without your thoughtful kindness without you right now i don t care how many people see how much i still hurt to have you die i cover it up pretty well for most people although even i know i m not the same i m know there are those who whisper she s not the same since her daughter died and they don t even see the painful parts when i am alone and can actually allow myself to feel what i feel all i can say is let them talk let them have their thoughts and if they ever have to walk this walk i will remember how brutally devastating your death has been for me and i will be kind there are several who know what your death has meant to me and i value those brave souls who really have been my companions but there is no moving on there is no getting over this i carry you with me and will carry you with me with all this immense sorrow until the day i die because you are also my joy you are my joy my jewel my jules love mom posted in death of adult chil leave a comment thanksgiving 2015 posted on november 29 2015 by dw grief turns out to be a place none of us know until we reach it we anticipate we know that someone close to us could die but we do not look beyond the few days or weeks that immediately follow such an imagined death we misconstrue the nature of even those few days or weeks we might expect if the death is sudden to feel shock we do not expect the shock to be obliterative dislocating to both body and mind we might expect that we will be prostrate inconsolable crazy with loss we do not expect to be literally crazy cool customers who believe that their husband is about to return and need his shoes in the version of grief we imagine the model will be healing a certain forward movement will prevail the worst days will be the earliest days we imagine that the moment to most severely test us will be the funeral after which this hypothetical healing will take place when we anticipate the funeral we wonder about failing to get through it rise to the occasion exhibit the strength that invariably gets mentioned as the correct response to death we anticipate needing to steel ourselves the for the moment will i be able to greet people will i be able to leave the scene will i be able even to get dressed that day we have no way of knowing that this will not be the issue we have no way of knowing that the funeral itself will be anodyne a kind of narcotic regression in which we are wrapped in the care of others and the gravity and meaning of the occasion nor can we know ahead of the fact and here lies the heart of the difference between grief as we imagine it and grief as it is the unending absence that follows the void the very opposite of meaning the relentless succession of moments during which we will confront the experience of meaninglessness itself joan didion the year of magical thinking dear julia this was our third thanksgiving without you oh how i missed the anticipation of your coming home or your dad and i coming to your house i missed your presence your voice your laugh your very being the all of you i missed hearing the adventures you had been up to or were planning i wish someone would just say i bet you miss her yes i would answer i sure do i sure do i disagree with didion s last sentence in the quote above oh i agree with her description of the void as there is an ugly huge void without you i agree with how she leads into the phrase the long succession of moments but it seems to me the long succession of moments only becomes meaningless when no one mentions your name when no one remembers you when no one acknowledges you or the love that exists between us our love didn t die the others the silent ones who turn away from the raw truth that you are always in my heart and in your dad s your sister s and brother s hearts every day those others are the ones that make it meaningless i don t like living without you i don t like that you died but what you gave me as your mother and what i hopefully gave you as my daughter has more meaning and more sense than anything anyone can describe i miss you i will always miss you posted in coping with the death of a child death of a child death of adult chil grieving the loss of a child tagged death of adult child grief grieving loss of an adult child 1 comment how to fix it posted on november 20 2015 by dw thank you emma for posting this video of megan on your site it is so refreshing i am so tired of people who want to comfort me with a spiritual bypass pass over my grief by pointing to some religious cliche that makes them feel better or cover me with the cloak of invisibility so they don t have to witness me struggle with the pain i feel about my daughter i have needed people to be with me in my grief to sit with me in the mud a few have been there for me all this way and i value those compassionate and courageous souls more than they will ever know thank you posted in death of adult chil leave a comment the paradox of healing posted on october 11 2015 by dw reblogged from neverforgetandrew com perry grosser s post touched me just as this poem touched him thank you perry for letting me share it i have to say though that the hardest thing for me in this world is putting our pain and sorrow into a pocket or a cubbie it just won t fit the paradox of healing the paradox of healing is that it is both holding on and letting go we hold on to memories and we let them go we hold on to feelings and we let them go we hold on to an old way of being because the self we still are resides there and we let go to a new way of being so the self can live on poem by molly fumia through our dear friend emily i read this poem and it touches me so deeply it is so meaningful we all want to and need to heal we all want to keep moving forward with our lives even after the loss of our children but we don t want to forget them and we want them to be there as we forward with our lives we want to keep them in our hearts and in our minds but we don t want our memories and love of our children to debilitate us stifle us and stop us in our paths we want people to know that there is a permanent hole in our hearts one that will never heal or get better even with time but we also want to love others and be open to love with our entire unconditional heart when we smile and laugh some people seem to think we are better but we are not when we sell our home and move on to another home people say it is good that we are leaving those memories behind but we are not when we have another child people think the new child replaces the love and pain we have for our lost child but it does not we are like a broken statue or torn painting they can be glued and fixed retouched and repainted fixed to the point of looking new but it is still broken and damaged no matter what you do no matter how hard you try it will still be in need of repair and will forever be damaged healing from a wound or an injury is something that can be measured healing from a car acc ident or from a fall can be quantified measured and tracked that type of healing is a trip it has a beginning and hopefully an end it can be short or very long but there is an end in sight and a person can achieve healing after it you can go back to who you were and put it behind you but the tragedy that we have endured the loss of a child is not a trip it is a journey a journey that we will be on for the rest of our lives struggling with for the rest of our lives there is no end there is no cure there is no mile marker 0 at the end of the road that we wish to see one day it is an endless journey of grief of course the grief lessens over time we cry less we open up more we learn to live with our loss but we never heal the road that we are on has no happy ending no happy ever after it doesn t end during the never ending healing process we have our memories and our feelings some of them fade over time some of them we learn to cherish more and re tell them as often as we can but we also make room for more memories newer memories newer feelings we try not to push out the old but we have to make room for the new we don t want to forget we don t want to move on but we learn that we cannot live if we cannot make room for love and for new memories in our lives that is the paradox that we live with every hour every day every month every year what can we remember and what can we chose to forget or do we choose not to forget anything and just make more room in our lives for the new those who do not make room for the new will never heal unfortunately those who stop living the day their child died have died as well we want to move on in our children s honor and to honor their memories that is what they would have wanted we need to honor their lives cherish their memories and put our pain and sorrow into a pocket or a cubbie that we know is always there but that does not stop us from living the lives our children could not that is the paradox of healing posted in death of adult chil leave a comment lillies in july posted on july 30 2015 by dw julia i think of you every day i miss you terribly and there is no way to even try to describe the void that your absence has created in my life and heart two weeks ago the lilies that you gave me years ago bloomed this year as they started producing their blooms i thought about all the gifts you ve given me throughout your life not material gifts but you who you were and who you grew up to be you were always an explorer even at an early age we still like to tell the story of how you climbed out of your crib walked out the front door and down our little lane at less than 2 years of age who knew what you were thinking but you were curious your older sister and brother were watching you when your sister and brother discovered you missing they were frantic and raced out to look for you you were off on an adventure thank goodness a kind...