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n reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin like loading standard posted by atul sabnis posted on november 27 2025 posted under thoughts comments leave a comment be the market back to wordpress trying to post i say trying because it is not easy anymore default writing is some block editor a few hundred clicks later you get the classic editor it s not easy anymore same as music same as movies same as games perhaps i don t play games so i don t know but i know music i know movies once upon a time i used to buy cassettes or cds pay for them i used to buy dvds pay for them they were always available to me now no more i have to continue paying for access every month and a new thing has emerged even after paying for a short list i have to pay more to get rid of the advertisements we are willing to pay money but everyone wants 5p more apple brought two great products ipod classic and aperture and then they killed it people like us are not a market anymore it seems time to be the market share this email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr more print opens in new window print share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin like loading standard posted by atul sabnis posted on july 14 2025 posted under belief conversation emotion expression fear identity personals technology thoughts comments leave a comment a small pause in life s long commute a poster hung over my grandfather s deathbed it said you observe a lot by watching i saw that poster many times and read that caption by the cheetah s paw as many times made sense but my father understood it better than i did another of those thoughtful philosophical sixteen minute journeys through mumbai s local trains more confusion or maybe as much as before only the context seems to differ my teachers have been those who were and probably are more confused than i am and i am destined to enjoy this state of mind only in retrospect have i decided that i have nothing to learn from men who have or seem to have clarity of thought or is it that i reading too many books what am i pushing my body and soul towards what is my goal am i here to achieve the petty accomplishments that society demands am i supposed to be true to my self or wisely selfish what dictates my actions behaviours and moods why do i feel like a sugarcane going through a sugarcane juice machine can i conveniently blame it on systems my person searches for its remains i am a lost soul lost to the warped world of technology i would have been a poet an artist a teacher and perhaps a singer too but i chose that a dumb electronic machine guide my life and i lead myself to believe that i am shaping the future of this machine and all the lives that will interact with it and this acquired fanaticism is the excuse for everything this fatwa rules the roost over all aspects of my life and above all my self all this writing can be written off as a drunkard s gibberish but someday later i will regret that i did not follow my heart and what a poor heart it is it no more has any say it has retreated and quietened down perhaps in resignation to this undetermined ambition whose only basis is default 18 december 1999 handwritten locked up for years recently discovered epilogue what you just read is neither a rant nor a profound exploration of self it was an unknown pin on the map of my life you know where the pin is but you don t know where you are it s a mind learning how to be lost without panic there s hesitation a slow unease and something like holding hands with a question just for a moment carlos castaneda once called clarity the second enemy of a man of knowledge at that time i think i was lunging toward it seeking urgency in wisdom i won t argue with castaneda but i ve come to understand this clarity isn t something you seize it settles in quietly it builds a slow home in your heart almost twenty six years later i have no real regrets about the dumb electronic machine it gave me a life it paid the bills it gave me knowledge it showed me purpose it became my teacher it brought people into my world i never expected and in my own quiet satisfactory way i became the things i once feared i d never be a poet an artist a teacher an amateur historian singer not so much but i am no longer lost i may not always like where i am but now i know where the pin is and i know where i am i can move if and when i choose my heart is fuller than it was in 99 it s filled with love with loving friendships with warmth i never planned for the heart is still quiet but no longer resigned it knows how to change the default settings it took time but i ve learned what settings fit me best share this email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr more print opens in new window print share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin like loading standard posted by atul sabnis posted on january 22 2025 posted under alone art books concepts dream expression friends language life love meaning personals poetry thoughts comments 3 comments thin threads silky strands and fragile filaments और लिये जा और पीये जा this line kept looping like a litany in my head unable to find the escape velocity to complete the line i knew where it was from the poem i e and the tune of it was also intact softly echoing the soulful voice of manna dey but refused to escape the loop why this line was ringing without abandon i was not entirely aware perhaps a dream perhaps a memory or an imagined moment और लिये जा और पीये जा it had been a few minutes now and the inescapable repetition was now frustrating me i once knew the poem by heart and could sing it well enough too many mehfils had been adorned by reciting some the best verses of this poem what a moment it was to be introduced to this poem और लिये जा और पीये जा accepting grudgingly that my memory is not the same as it once was i leapt out of bed and got the book out searching for this lost fragment in the vast poem after skimming through a few stanzas there it was बने पुजारी प्रेमी साकी गंगाजल पावन हाला रहे फेरता अविरत गति से मधु के प्यालों की माला और लिये जा और पीये जा इसी मंत्र का जाप करे मैं शिव की प्रतिमा बन बैठूं मंदिर हो यह मधुशाला १९ the nineteenth stanza of madhushala by shri harivanshrai bachchan needless to say i was with the book for the next hour or so going through the entire poem falling in love with poetry once again and reliving every moment when a verse of this poem brought joy to all the listeners in a mehfil as i read through some of the verses i wondered if i had changed enough to find new meaning in these verses or if the world around me had changed enough for me to see these verses in a new light would it be a good time to reread the poem would there be meaning that is beyond the acquired one and distinct than the borrowed one when i was younger a wise old man had given me a direction to experience the poem i am definitely older now was i now wise enough to find my own direction through these verses was there meaning in these verses that i had experienced and not expressed for all the evenings that we celebrated this poem with alcohol alcohol is the thick thread that holds this poem together what about the thin threads the silky strands the fragile filaments of philosophy emotion love death and life that have accumulated yet remained unexpressed how do i start this adventure where do i begin i read the full poem that was a start hopefully my life s memory isn t as faded as my memory of the lines of the poem we ll see share this email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr more print opens in new window print share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin like loading standard posted by atul sabnis posted on june 16 2024 posted under abstract conversation dream expression meaning thoughts time comments leave a comment the precious threshold there is that precious moment between wakefulness and sleep it s like walking through a gate and your feet are on either side of the threshold one foot coming the other going we don t pay much attention when we walk through doors and gates but this moment between being awake and falling asleep is magical for that very brief moment you are both awake and asleep you could go forward or you could go back and it doesn t matter you may experience these moments more than once in that one night and anything can happen in this moment this moment is a seed of a dream if you fall asleep of a story if you stay awake and one such night i went back and ended up being awake it s usually a vision that seed that moment lying awake in bed staring at the ceiling i regretted not being able to dream where that vison would have taken me so i teased that vision why vision why did you appear magically out of nowhere the vision didn t have anything to say i teased it further maybe you are this maybe you are that and with each tease i was awake moving further away from that gateway to sleep i was answering on behalf of the vision and it didn t seem to mind it seemed to happily hear my questions and agree with my answers the vision was turning to a story the seed was natural the growth wasn t a dream is easier it doesn t have to rely on imagination it doesn t have the constraints of reality or logic a story on the other hand is constructed within these constraints a story is remembered and can then be written a dream fades away a few fascinating fragments remain there must be a place just like that precious moment between wakefulness and sleep where stories and dreams can become one share this email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr more print opens in new window print share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin like loading standard posted by atul sabnis posted on february 29 2024 posted under thoughts comments 2 comments we forget but we remember yet another year yet another meeting with friends from yore the planning was as crazy and as dynamic as it could have ever been invited almost fifty friends and ten turned up even after the coercing and cajoling i know a bad result but what was important that those of us who said we d make it made it and what a whirlwind of a reunion it was we spoke of cancelling friends when we met which has been a pet peeve of mine and with due respect and acknowledgement of everyone s concerns and circumstances we lay to rest all the absences it s a good thing that we had these conversations the night before we began our grand weekend our destination was the wonderful mt abu in state of rajasthan and we took our own sweet time to get there but i can t let this post become a travelogue maybe it is maybe not some reunions are just an evening dinner party quite a few formal in nature but not for us the essence of a reunion for us has been reliving memories more so reminding us all of what we have forgotten along the way it is about laughter that hurts and causes knots in our stomachs memory has it s own fickle attitude and it doesn t deal an even hand to all of us and a three and a half decades of a life of struggle journeys travel pain experiences and such doesn t help if you want to hold on to memories every experience demands a share of our mind and some old memory has to make way for a new one and this is what reunions have taught me no memory is lost forever it just becomes inaccessible over time our present weighs down on our past pushing those memories down and so you have friends who somehow have cracked the accessibility algorithm and can access memories that have been pushed down deeper over more than three decades not all of us remember everything we all have a few pieces of the jigsaw some of our friends have more pieces as these memory master wizard friends raised our memories from the depths i d like to call them memory benders i felt like a student in my first day of school the same school where i had spent two years everything he reminded me of made sense but i could not remember it could not remember all of it like a visual there were only fragments and yet i could not deny the essence of it i felt it deep down quiet in my corner i wondered if it was just me but as i watched the animated conversation around the table there were notes of exclamations yes i remember it wasn t a pure crystal clear image from the deep recesses of the mind the pushed memory was raising a hand me me it seemed to feebly cry out this seemed the story with all of us and from my corner i was able to see the smile on everyone s face when we could access if not the memory the essence of the memory a very wise uncle of mine once wrote a letter to my parents after the death of an elder he said god s greatest gift to humans is the ability to forget yes it is a double edged sword the gift works well when there is pain all around but the gift does not discriminate it makes you forget all over time but god has a plan b he gave us friends who remind and rescue only the good and happy memories and makes us smile and laugh till our stomach hurts share this email a link to a friend opens in new window email share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr more print opens in new window print share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin like loading standard posted by atul sabnis posted on january 27 2024 posted under emotion gadgets life media music personals thoughts value comments leave a comment losing music it was sometime in 2016 i was on a late night flight back home i landed took a rickshaw back home and was shuffling things in my backpack to organise it rest of the journey was uneventful twenty four hours later i realised my ipod classic was not with me had i forgotten it in the aircraft in the rickshaw i couldn t recall and not knowing where to start searching for it even if i could was the end of it and life has never been the same again i loved itunes and my ipod classic for the features mostly for the fantastic organisation of music it allowed imo there hasn t been better navigation of music since the wheel s...