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1 hoppy easter and all that jazz april 29 2011 filed under uncategorized haveuseenmysanity 9 15pm04 easter was amazing really amazing no drama with the mil no uncomfortable silences as we all try to completely ignore the huge elephant in the room it was seriously and honestly the most calm and peaceful holiday our family has had in almost 7 years we usually get up mad dash through a quick and less than awesome breakfast we then spend the next hour screaming and yelling at all the crazies to hurry up and get dressed and ready did you brush your teeth no seriously i ve only been reminding you about this very needed daily task for 15 years no you cannot wear jeans with holes in them today it s a holiday damn it and we will look nice and smile then we all pack into the car everyone angry and completely irritated we drive to our first obligatory stop see holidays always suck in my eyes because my family doesn t live nearby they live in idaho and other far far away lands so every holiday birthday anniversary every everything is spent with my in laws not that i hate all of them or even dislike all of them i sincerely have alot of love for almost all of the hubs family but there are a couple that i just have had enough of one of which happens to be my very meddlesome intrusive and disrespectful mil awkward holidays are tough we all spend the day running to hell and back trying to make sure god forbid we don t miss anyone or fail to do what they want us to do on these holidays and all the while i am so desperately missing my own family not that my hubs family isn t my family too but you know how it is when you are with your own parents they get you they understand that you answering the door on christmas day in jammies and slippers just the norm they understand that when you offer them a strong drink at 9 00 am it s just the family norm my family just gets me and they even love me in spite of myself my in laws some love me in spite of myself others like the whole kick you when your down method of things got off subject sorry the point is this was the best holiday ever it was crazy 5 s 1st easter mr easter bunny got up at 6 00am and hid 60 candy filled eggs in our yard a dear family friend showed up with all kinds of awesome yummy goodness easter baskets doughnuts apple turnovers just a whole huge pile of yum the kids went outside and hunted for eggs in the pouring rain and it was amazing so amazing we came in and had breakfast when we wanted to food we wanted and then wait for it the hubs and i actually sat down together and watched a movie when the two wee ones napped and the older ones hung out together we literally sat in our jammies and watched an entire movie and then we got our lazy asses off the couch when we wanted to and got dressed and went to his dad s house for dinner ok so we didn t do anything super amazing or exciting but just being together being able to do what we wanted with our kids being able to sit and watch our kids actually enjoy a holiday not rushing to three or four different places trying to please everyone and in the end everyone still not being happy least of all us and our children got me to thinking why do holidays always have to be so crazy why can t we all just speak the truth and say no running to four different places on thanksgiving christmas easter mother s day father s day really and trully does not sound like something i want to do why when we get married is there always one side who never ever see s their family and one side that gets to control and manipulate every single holiday and important event in our lives this easter i said no hell to the no and you know what it was the best holiday ever calm and peace that is what i am striving to have in my life this year i am stepping on toes along the way but honestly i really don t care i want my kids to enjoy their holidays i want them to look back and have happy memories so if that means mommy has to step up and say hell no i am completely fine with that so hoppy easter a little late to you all comments 2 the green stuff that comes out of moms mouth april 22 2011 filed under uncategorized haveuseenmysanity 9 15pm04 the other day the hubs and i helped a good family friend move her furniture into storage we were left at the mercy of crazy 1 and crazy 2 to watch crazy 3 and crazy 5 for the afternoon while we moved before we left the hubs and i covered literally about every possible scenario for instance what do you do if crazy 3 decides to snack on dish detergent crazy 1 and crazy 2 both give the correct answer that they would call poison control immediately and then us so we could break a million traffic laws to get home we went over them not answering the door for anyone as we have had some really creepy telemarketers around our neighborhood lately btw if you are going to come to my door and ask me to donate to your cause if you are going to spin me some stupid sob story about growing up in the ghetto and how you desperately want to go to school yada yada yada do not come to my door reeking of weed and liquor seriously i will totally buy your story if you are clean cut and not slurring your words why because i am a total sucker for helping people that come to my door so the hubs and i seriously cover every emergency situation solution go over every possible emergency number and we leave we come back later and everything seems to have gone just perfect by perfect i mean the kids are all alive the house is still standing no one is bleeding or on fire hubs and i immediately realize that our kids rock and we are blessed and then two days later the hubs comes in the kitchen and asks hey were the boys out shooting their bb guns today i say uh no not today not this week why he says there are bb s everywhere there are bb s on crazy 5 s walker he goes in to talk to crazy 1 i call crazy 2 down to grill him like our whole devide and conquer thing yeah we do this because inevitably we will each get a different version of the story than we will bring both the offenders into the same room and perform the interrogation on them at the same time you know to see if their alibi s hold up or not the hubs comes back and says that crazy 1 and crazy 2 decided that it would be a great idea to shoot their guns on sunday while they were supposed to be watching crazy 3 and crazy 5 now our house rule has always been the same there are no shooting bb guns or airsoft guns in the backyard unless there is a parent at home kind of common sense wouldn t you think i begin to jam them up about how irresponsible they were you guys know better than to shoot your guns when we are not home you were supposed to be watching the little ones which means actually watching them what were the two little ones doing while you were shooting guns in the house by themselves what if they had gotten hurt you wouldn t have even heard them i am already angry and then as sweet and innocently and firm as can be crazy 2 says mom we didn t leave them in the house alone we brought them outside with us this is where swear to god green shit comes out of my mouth i look at crazy 2 and say so you mean to tell me that you and your brother thought it was a good idea to shoot your guns in the backyard with the two little ones out here all i get is a blank stare as if he is finally processing the error in his words i can almost hear the words running through his head shit shit shhhhiittttt needless to say both crazy 1 and crazy 2 have lost their guns indefinately and i don t think we will be trusting them to babysit for quite awhile comments 1 swear to god i m gonna start eating dinner with the dog february 16 2011 filed under uncategorized haveuseenmysanity 9 15am02 there s nothing like busting ass all day running to the store actually starting dinner in the afternoon the minute crazy 1 and crazy 2 come home it s the great dinner discussion makes me freakin insane crazy 1 2 hi mom what s for dinner i had a great day thanks for asking really mom spaghetti crazy 2 it s not that spaghetti with the sausage in it is it mom yup same spaghetti i always make crazy 2 oh but it s the oh with the ughhhhhh at the end of it crazy 1 sweet love your spaghetti mom makes silent air pumps jersey shore crew would be proud crazy 2 can t you make the spaghetti different mom really dude do you think this is a cafeteria long pause crazy 2 weellllll at school our cafeteria gives us two options for lunch everyday mom that s awesome start having dinner there sidenote bree our beloved little terrier gave her some dry ass kibble crap costs alot but smells like crap ate her food with not a single complaint think i m gonna start eating dinner with the dog she would have been more than happy to eat my spaghetti comments 1 along comes a rainbow february 11 2011 filed under uncategorized haveuseenmysanity 9 15pm02 happy birthday owen chase pearson love and hugs to the pearson family from the crawford family comments 1 cowgirl up december 4 2010 filed under uncategorized haveuseenmysanity 9 15pm12 i was reading a fellow blm s blog last night and it got me to thinking about friends friends to me are like the ocean they come into our lives calmly at times and then other times they just come crashing in on the rocks of our soul of our hearts and when they leave our lives they leave behind miscellaneous debris and remnants some of the items left behind are beautiful like a shell some not so much i feel each friend comes into our life at just the right time and probably leaves at just the right time i can count on one hand the true friends that i have i have tons of acquaintances but very few friends there just aren t too many people in this world that i will let into my space my life it takes alot for me to trust and when i do you re forever a part of my life part of my soul when you hurt me when you betray me i ll give you a few more chances to bitch slap me upside the head i guess you could say but when i am done i am done i walk away and never once look back losing ethan well i lost alot of people whom i thought were my friends i also lost some very close family relationships but i also walked away with some new amazing friendships i am grateful for those friendships not sure what the point of this post is other than to tell my dear friends you know who you are that i love you i cherish you i am grateful for your willingness to stick by my side no matter what wave comes crashing in on our worlds i hold you close to me the rest who just weren t strong enough who couldn t be my friend when the shit hit the fan you re but a wave that left slimy seaweed all along the coastline and the next wave will clear that shit out will wash it away to those of you reading this who has a friend facing tough times don t worry about saying the right thing don t worry about making a fool of yourself don t worry about calling too much hell show up with a bottle of rum and just be there but do something cowgirl up friends you have no idea what a difference this will make in your friends life comments 2 on a cloud of balloons november 19 2010 filed under uncategorized haveuseenmysanity 9 15pm11 yesterday was your second birthday sweet boy we bought balloons for you they had a number two on them and they were so beautiful i know you would have loved them we all baked you a birthday cake it was a funfetti cake with chocolate frosting of course we all had to try the batter before we baked it had to make sure it was just right right as the sun began to set we all went out into the front yard to release your balloons silently we all said our i love you s and sent our balloons up to you we all stood watching until the last balloon could no longer be seen and then we all went in and gathered around your birthday cake we each made a birthday wish for you closed our eyes and blew your candles out i would have given anything to have held you yesterday to have kissed your chocolate covered face i held it together pretty well and as the evening ended crazy 3 asked us how you got to heaven we were quiet as we searched for the right answer for him he was thinking too i could tell then he smiled and his face lit up this is what he said i bet he flies the balloons up to the sky and then gets on an airplane we all laughed and then a few minutes later crazy 3 asked how did ethan get his bike up to heaven for crazy 3 the worst thing in life would be to not have a bike and i thought it was precious that the worst thing in his little mind was the thought that his little brother didn t have his bike up in heaven so as we were trying to come up with an answer to that question as well he says i bet his bike went to heaven with a bunch of balloons we all laughed again i struggled yesterday fought back the tears and fell apart a couple of times ending the night thinking that ethan had simply caught a ride up to heaven on a cloud of balloons with his bike sure did make me smile happy 2nd birthday baby boy we love you comments 2 this club november 13 2010 filed under uncategorized haveuseenmysanity 9 15am11 i became a part of a very private and elite club almost two years ago there are no initiations there are no club fees no weekly meetings per say no special talents one most possess to be a part of it there are no special songs no secret handshakes no special member qualifications the only thing that makes you a part of this club is that you have had a child die no one looks to become a part of this club no one even wants to be in it once they are in it when your in your in forever i lost my son ethan in 2008 i had no idea where to turn or where to go for comfort all i knew was that i was broken so very broken and alone i reached out to the world wide web never thinking for a second that i would find the comfort or understanding that i so desperately needed but i did i found so many things hope love understanding support comfort friendship it s hard to explain these things to someone who has never been through such a loss hard to explain how you can grow to love someone you only know through reading a blog hard to put into words how you can connect with a persons pain and sorrow hard to explain how you can become so intertwined with a family my husband and i came back from vacation today i went to check the mail completely prepared to be greeted by the usual bills and junk mail instead i was greeted with a key a key that told me that someone had sent us a package that package held so much more than the person who sent it can even imagine our son ethan would be turning two on november 18th no one speaks his name anymore he was here then gone no one will ever know the sadness that fills our hearts every holiday every birthday each milestone brings with it new pain and new struggles ethan would be riding his bike outside with crazy 3 he would be chasing his brothers down the hall and getting into their toys there is only a whisper of where he was where he should be but no one speaks hi...