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is there no sin in it ethics empiricism and auxiliary verbs is there no sin in it ethics empiricism and auxiliary verbs on gay marriage in ny with 19 comments i know very few people will read this it s been months since i last posted and lord knows i haven t written a word about politics since forever i ve been surprised by how disappointed i am in my state since yesterday and i m not sure where else i have to say these things my state senator eric adams declared his support for gay marriage comparing it to the supreme court decision to declare bans on interracial marriage unconstitutional the language used in opposition to interracial marriage and homosexual marriage he argues is the same a hysterical plea not to support an abomination in the eyes of god senator adams appeals to the absurdity that just over 40 years ago his child would not have been able to marry children of some of his white republican colleagues absurd but interracial relationships are still uncommon in many families they re absolutely taboo i cannot know whether the absurdity of the situation adams describes struck his colleagues the way it struck me coming from a white southern family in which the first question asked about any new boyfriend or girlfriend is is s he white i used to think it was a joke because everyone laughed at it the joke i didn t realize at the time was that no one in my family would dare date a non white person not with the intention of marriage it might be legal but that doesn t mean it was possible when a cousin of mine wanted to act out in high school the first thing she did was get a black boyfriend of course she wasn t going to marry him she insisted she just wanted to piss her dad off it did the legalization of gay marriage no more solves the problem of homophobia than loving v virginia ended racism treating people like human beings under the law does not mean their parents will treat them like human beings it will still be legal for parents to tell their kids that gay people go to hell or to kick them out of the house when they come out parents will continue to raise their gay kids to hate themselves and to raise their straight kids to hate others jokes made to humiliate queer people will still be told and will still get laughs trans people will still get beat up for walking down the street queer couples will still worry about who s watching if they hold hands or kiss on the street or in a park there will be young people who can no more imagine being openly gay than they can imagine sprouting wings there will still be straight marriages made in the hopes of controlling gay desire parents will still encourage their children to lie to them or leave out details of their lives phone conversations will still end with a child whispering i m in love to a dial tone we ll always feel as keenly as ever the certainty that our parents would rather not know us than know us for who we are gay marriage won t change any of this when it happens and it will certainly happen if you re afraid of losing your right to be homophobic or your church s right to be homophobic take comfort in the example of the persistence of racism you will always have the right to teach your children that some people aren t really people even if those people are your children or in love with your children it s never too late to deny your children the love and acceptance they so badly want from you the legalization of gay marriage won t mean you can t run for office on a homophobic platform just as plenty of anti miscegenists have run on racist platforms since loving the legalization of gay marriage won t prevent you from picketing weddings and harassing couples as plenty of anti abortionists have picketed clinics since roe bring your kids so they can really get to know who you are and what you stand for what matters most to you maybe you ll get to watch them follow in your footsteps or maybe once they decide who they are and what they stand for they ll already know what you think of them from the example of loving there is one way in which it is possible that gay marriage will change america beyond the couples themselves who would like to marry listen to the way adams takes for granted that laws against interracial marriage were absurd can you believe it america used to prohibit these marriages the government gradually stopped doing the legwork for racism if you want to raise your kids to be racist now you have to do it yourself it takes effort they re getting messages in the media occasionally and at school sometimes that being a racist is not cool so you ve got to be clear with them about what matters most to you you have to come out as a racist and believe in what you stand for the government is not going to carry that water anymore after gay marriage becomes legal across the us there will come a time when non straight americans will shake their heads and say can you believe it america used to prohibit gay marriage they ll still come from families that turn on them and from religions that shun them they ll still be made fun of harassed attacked and picketed but at least they ll know that their government is no longer responsible for setting the example that they are less than human homophobes will no longer be able to defer to the authority of the state but will have to do their own harassment all by themselves i d love to end this post by saying that even though racism still exists it s less than before i do hope and think that s true but what really matters is that racism is less acceptable than before racist jokes are still made but they re more private you can t assume the other white guy at work is going to laugh at your darky joke so you save it for your wife or maybe you realize that even though you re racist you don t want to see your kids grow up to hate and fear people and i hope this is happening with homophobia i know it s not easy or even realistic for people to change such deeply held beliefs but i look forward to the day when a guy saves that fag joke for his wife or when a mother who believes gays go to hell tells her daughter she will love her no matter what written by a white bear december 3 2009 at 4 42 pm posted in childhood dating distress family new york politics sex a break with 14 comments hi friends thanks so much for all the lovely comments on the preceding posts y all are incredibly sweet i m going to be taking things down for a little while as dissertation writing and job applying is taking up all of my energy right now and i ve had little time for writing and reading as well as you deserve i ll be back i promise i just need to get a lot of stuff done very quickly written by a white bear september 20 2009 at 2 05 pm posted in blogging work writing about on auxiliary verbs and this blog contact e mail a white bear recent comments como importar produt on a break blessed holy socks on on gay marriage in ny danthelawyer on on gay marriage in ny caesaigh on on gay marriage in 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