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Text of the page (random words):
e movement also makes your joints hurt this would imply that there s an optimal amount of movement that allows your joints to not hurt this is a lie via root 89 546 notes 1 51pm march 20 2026 semutamusic flikkerij i will do anything but work on my essay apparently via root 89 922 notes 1 47pm march 20 2026 ministarfruit alt alt i love this text post so i drew it via root 98 434 notes 1 46pm march 20 2026 orcboxer it s meee i m your guardian angel hiiiiii okay so in about six months you re gonna die of starvation and if i don t protect you i will get fired and that is no good ️ hahaaa so i looked into causes of starvation and it turns out your death is totally preventable uh oh there s more than enough food to sustain you without interfering with anyone else s survival but you re not allowed to have it whaaat ️ apparently your death is premeditated by thousands of things called shareholders so i ve been killing people via root 202 150 notes 1 45pm march 20 2026 lastczarnian spoopy miakitty itdidntscandoesthatmeanitsfree the funniest version of this is when you work in a haunted house i was super bored one night bc we were really slow and the animatronic that served as my cue had broken without my knowing so i didn t get an alert that someone was coming i was in the hallway singing peanut butter jelly time at the top of my lungs and jumping up and down in the hallway the guy in the next hallway over was singing it with me i don t know what he was doing but knowing him it was equally goofy so imagine being a teenager girl and her teenage boyfriend coming down a dark and spooky hallway filled with fog and finding a small demonic looking thing jumping like a madman shouting peanut butter jelly time at the top of its lungs with the voice of a twelve year old boy and hearing a deep booming voice repeating it back that sounds scarier than most things i ve experienced in a haunted house to be totally honest pfff stories via root 165 301 notes 1 44pm march 20 2026 tinyyellowflowers blog tinyyellowflowers blog during lockdown i worked on two projects one was a ditch that needed to be cleared out of tules and cattails but turtles lived there so i d follow the excavator scooping out the vegetation and make sure no turtles were trapped in it and if they were freeing them and putting them in a safe part of the ditch it s extremely muddy sticky work hold on i have a photo of one of the guys alt no one is having a good time the other project was going to destroy rare salamander habitat and so we had to buy some appropriate habitat but every mitigation bank was sold out i found a guy selling future mitigation bank credits through the powers of making a lot of phone calls and then through the power of polite requests got our wildlife agency rep to sign off on this plan except you can t say i gave seven figures to a guy who promises to someday make habitat that guy could abscond you also can t be like i supes promise to pay for mitigation after the project because we could not pay out we were for various reasons disinclined to delay the project the wildlife agency rep bless her she really held my hand through this whole process was like how about you put the money in escrow great a plan so i call an escrow company which was not an organization used to being cold called much less by someone standing next to an excavator covered in mud i was trying to provide only the information needed to enable success and not go on a five ten minute rant on salamander life cycles also i was deeply out of my depth hi i was wondering if you could hold money in an escrow account for a longer period well in some circumstances we can hold it for up to 90 days but we d need to know the circumstances ah i need someone to hold it for up to two years do you know of any companies who d be able to help me what what is happening with the house that this is necessary oh uh it s not a house per se it s a rare salamander mitigation bank it needs to be built the salamanders need a custom house no no no no no uh they need a pond we re paying someone to make a pond but they need time to make the pond hence the escrow account so who could so like a lizard house they are amphibians let me transfer you to my supervisor after a pause a different person comes on the line but also unfortunately at this moment the excavator operator fishes a turtle out of the ditch hi sorry one second i need to put down the phone to help a turtle interlude thank you so much for waiting i m back can you talk to me about escrow options what was happening with the turtle oh it was trapped in some cattails but i got it out sorry for putting down the phone you need both hands to grab them because they bite i need an escrow account to hold funds for up to two years for a house for lizards are you a zoo ah salamanders actually and a mitigation bank not a house i actually work for x organization what is a mitigation bank the critical question oh when you re building something and need to impact some rare species habitat you can pay someone to make new rare species habitat huh but this habitat is incomplete it doesn t have a pond so my organization won t pay until aaaaaaaaa excuse me sorry i fell into a ditch my organization needs there to be a pond there before they pay for the property so one path forward is an escrow account are you ok yes absolutely what s the cost of this bank two million dollars the tenor of the conversation became markedly warmer at this point ok if you get my your contact information then i ll email you some options and then we can discuss do you have time now unfortunately i do not have email access right this second also i need to get out of the ditch could we put a pin in this conversation and circle back tomorrow of course i look forward to working with your organization thank you so much good luck with the ditch and turtles thank you have a great day the equipment operator for this project had the following traits you look at him and can guess accurate information on the history of the last ten generations of his family ireland virginia tennessee oklahoma california he is 24 until 1 5 months ago he worked skimming the muck off the top of a sewage pool with an excavator for 12 hours a day six days a week he was paid 50 cents above minimum wage overtime now he works 8 hours a day 5 days a week and makes twice as much money in fact he s volunteered for 20 30 hours of overtime in the previous month and discovered during our time working together that he got that money in a separate check and that wasn t like a weird paycheck quirk where sometimes mid month you find that you ve been relegated to a lower but still better salary the paychecks are always on time here yes amazing let me text the wife he has a 3 year old and a 2 year old and one on the way the material improvements to his income mean that he s working less getting more sleep and somehow smoking less and drinking less caffeine and alcohol his fights with his wife staying at home doing family child care have dwindled to insignificance everyone at the new job loves him because there s nothing you can ask him to do that s worse than spending 12 hours skimming sewage and his attitude is amazing he s really very good with an excavator having spent seventy hours a week operating one for four years anyway at some point i m on the phone with the wildlife agency and he takes a personal call and then lights up a cigarette when i finish he says one time i went crawdad fishing not too far from here with my brother my dad and my granddad we caught a bunch and my brother and i were trying to put them in the creel without getting pinched hopping around my dad thought it was funny but my granddad called us sissies his hands were like horn the calluses were so thick and the crawdads didn t bother him at all my dad pointed this out that we didn t have fifty years of callus yet and so we re being careful if granddad wanted to do something equivalent said my dad he could put a crawdad on his nose so he did it was the only time i ever saw the old man cry and when he tried to rip it off he ripped the claw off the crawdad too so we had to crush the claw with pliers to get it free his nose was swollen up for a week ha i said uh i m glad your dad had your back there and your granddad sounds like a character he was a hard man to love said the operator there was a pause he finished his cigarette my dad called and said since i m working down here now we should take my boys crawdading it ll be just like old times he said do we want it to be just like old times i said of course he said tell him you d rather skip the part where he insults your kids and puts a crawdad on his nose until they re in kindergarten he has to remember right maybe maybe he will if you remind him it s normal though to not take your toddlers crawdadding yes well back at it he said and climbed back into the cab stories via root 17 904 notes 1 40pm march 20 2026 wellsbering imagine your ex who you haven t seen in a decade since he stole your car shows up at your house in the car the one he stole from you it looks like shit your ex asks you to fix the broken car then he tells you that the hot girl with him and his buddy the one that helped him steal the car is his new girlfriend she is a member of the royal family and she looks capable of murdering you and your ex with rage alone you try to say hi she does not say hi no one admits it out loud but you get the feeling that they re all running from the cops and they all want to hide out in your house this is what happened to lando calrissian in the empire strikes back star wars via root 20 649 notes 1 37pm march 20 2026 teaboot teaboot i m not christian i don t go to church anymore and my pastor died but when he was alive i d sometimes go to his sermons and i remember one time he said it feels good to hate but we know that it isn t allowed so when we re told that we re allowed to hate someone we get so excited that we forget we re supposed to love and if my humble atheist ass might borrow some church talk i d like to perhaps submit that anyhow sometimes on the day to day i feel disgust or revulsion and i have to ask myself is this a danger to anyone at all or am i just looking for something i m allowed to hate and a solid 98 100 times it s the latter so once again thank you pastor d oh damn that s good hate via root 135 300 notes 2 36pm february 3 2026 polarcell middlering my favorite genre of self portrait is cartoonists being bothered by their characters while trying to draw bill watterson calvin and hobbes 1986 hergé tintin 1947 tintin magazine jeff smith bone 1993 bone holiday special walt kelly pogo 1950 maclean s magazine and a bonus berkeley breathed bloom county for the reverse take this image of tove jansson about to murder the moomin characters via root 45 961 notes 2 35pm february 3 2026 biggest gaudiest poltergeist yeah makeup culture is shit yet i retain a slight appreciation for the fact that lips and sharpened claws stained bright and bloody red technically counts as conventionally attractive via root 2 703 notes 2 34pm february 3 2026 forbiddenchapel melania devourer of men via root 32 516 notes 2 33pm february 3 2026 feathersandblue thenightisland people trying to insist a fandom is tiny when it only has a few thousand works on ao3 meanwhile my current fandom is a sixteen book series and has several hundred fewer works than goncharov a movie that and i cannot stress this enough doesn t even exist measuring the size of fandoms based on their goncharov index this has been a useless text post you may now resume your normal programming rote has a goncharov index of 0 63 for perspective ofmd has an index of 26 5 spn s is 360 8 the cosmere is 2 26 for a fantasy book comparison i am very normal the goncharov index everyone via root 75 059 notes 2 31pm february 3 2026 hinekoakahi maximumsunshine jumpingjacktrash lichrelly darrenpillowscriss library seraph supreme leader stoat princesscolumbia whetstonefires damianwaynerocks animate mush coffeebuddha damianwaynerocks phantoms lair silverscreenx fefeman kitt the werefox explorerrowan damianwaynerocks ok but if bruce wayne somehow came upon zuko fresh out of banishment he would lose his mind black hair check bad parent s check trauma double check bruce how d you get your scar zuko my dad got mad at me for saying that killing people is wrong so he lit my face on fire and banished me bruce vibrating with excitement already pulling adoption papers from his utilility that s terrible how do you feel about capes zuko do you mind if i wear this blue demon mask bruce sniff tear in his eye not at all zuko fighting the joker j wan na kno w h ow i go t thes e sc ar s z rips off mask i don t give a fuck i m still stuck at the batman has adoption papers in his utility belt quick it s time to use the bat adoption papers bat option papers okay but you re missing the best part of this alfred and iroh complimenting each other on tea while they discuss their overly dramatic children iroh once i told zuko that he needs to work on his inter turmoil he screamed at me that he had no such inner turmoil and then proceeded to go to a cliff during a thunderstorm to scream at god to strike him with lightning alfred master bruce and i have that interaction at least three times per week absentlyabbie i see your alfred and iroh as tea bros and raise you alfred and iroh as tea rivals consider iroh you too must learn patience boiling the water ruins the delicate flavor of the white jade alfred oh i m dreadfully sorry for some reason i expected this tea to have tea in it later alfred aggressively laying out full tea service with milk lemon sugar and just to drive his point in jam iroh dying inside excellent addition hey bruce spent a lot of his bat study abroad in the far east and has kind of a weeb weapon collection so proposal what if bruce appreciates iroh s tea while zuko is enthusiastic about cream and sugar further fueling their dad figures passive aggressive rivalry you had me at zuko vs joker i was crying by the eastern vs western tea service wait a minute batman and zuko have the same arch nemesis mark hamill saw the last comment and my brain would not rest until it happened this post has everything this was an enjoyable ride i liked the scenery very much smooth suspension nice height several fascinating loops 10 10 would go again wow i m tired it took me a minute to figure out how vader has mark hamill nemesis when vader is live action and not animated i m going to bed now thebibliosphere via root 260 240 notes 2 30pm february 3 2026 jonnywaistcoat pseudomantis pseudomantis scientific fraud is the most baffling thing ever to me like do they think they re just going to make a huge breakthrough and no one will notice that it s fake by trying to replicate their results yeah actually i just discovered how to turn plastic into gold oh you want to know how i did it starts running away cutely via r...