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w guys and has decided that he likes both for different reasons for now he has chosen the label bisexual that may change with his life and experience i may end up with a daughter in law or a son in law both are wins for me as long as he is loved for now as long as he choses the label son and lets me carry the label of mother that s all that matters to me posted by melanie at 9 49 am 0 comments labels emotional rollercoasters finding my backbone gay kids parenthood thursday october 25 2012 crazy ideas crockpots and me ok so sometimes i think i am really a glutton for punishment no really i am my recent decision to go back to nursing school has me a little frantic i remember nursing school i remember how exhausted i was how much i cried how few hot meals my family ate during that time no joke at least 3 nights a week of peanut butter and jelly in an attempt to keep my life from falling apart after i start nursing school in january i have decided to attempt this crazy thing i have been seeing on the internet freezer cooking now this is not a a cooking blog but i thought who cares someone might enjoy it probably not but i m writing about it anyway haha the general concept is that you buy all the ingredients you need for several meals and spend the time to assemble them into ready to cook recipes like crockpot meals or casseroles then freeze them when you need to cook you just pull it out of the freezer and throw it in the oven or crockpot i really like the idea i m just not sure i am consistent enought to do it right i have been scouring the internet reading every blog i can find trying to learn from these other women who s houses are mostly clean and who s freezers are fully stocked with ready to go meals it sounds like a total scam but i m going to do it anyway have any of you tried this did it work it s a scam isn t it no don t tell me i want to be suprised i will be starting sometime in the next week or two but this is what i need warnings tips advice general moral boosters and booze not for the cooking just for me if any of you have tried it i need to hear from you if it didn t work i need to hear from you more do you have recipes that you know freeze well send them to me if i use of your recipes i will link back to you anyway be on the look out for that post in the next couple of weeks posted by melanie at 10 09 am 1 comments labels crazy ideas freezer cooking frugal homemaking menu planning the funny thing about making plans for the future well hello i promised myself i would attempt to check in on my blog once in awhile i miss it i miss my readers i miss having the time to write most of all i may have a little more time for the next couple months so maybe i can blog a little more than once a year haha i started my junior year for my psychology degree this year but i m just not feeling it anymore life has changed so much since i started so so much of my life is different i m not sure that i even recognize the person that i was in 2009 i am much less sure of who what i am now much less sure of my likes my wants my dreams i m not quite middle age but since i started so early with my adult life maybe that is exactly what is happening professionally i have hit a brick wall my current nursing license is pretty well un usable is that even a word in my area now as an lpn my job prospects are almost non existent now for one i live in a very rural area and attempting to commute to a large city where my job prospects would be better would mean i would have to make twice what i would ever be offered just to pay for the gas aside from that my hometown hospital is the last hospital maybe in the whole area to even hire lpn s i could just stay where i am but my hours have been cut to less than 24 hrs a week and still falling financially my hospital is dying as a lot of small rural hospitals are doing right now because of budget cuts and the change in the way the government is reimbursing through medicare medicaid it won t be long and my position will be dissolved all together i was actually reminded of that this week when a co worker was let go after 25 years of service just because of lack of funding so combined with lack of growth in my area of the industry and frustration at my current personal issues hubby and i have decided to put my psych degree on hold i will be leaving the workplace in january and returning to nursing school another 2 years of school yay don t get me wrong i am grateful to have the opportunity but i just don t feel like i am ever going to not be a student again i made up my mind to leave the nursing field 3 years ago i am not too thrilled about coming back into it this way but mommy s and daddy s have bills to pay 24 hours a week is not paying our bills right now losing my job completely is not going to help matters any either so i switch majors finish my nursing degree so that i can continue working while i finish my bachelor s in psych and go on to get my master s at this rate i should be out of school sometime around the year 2020 that sentance made me want to take a nap i almost cannot believe that 3 years have passed since i even made the decision to go to school in the first place that seems impossible but time does what needs to do it passes on the bright side at this rate i will be graduating with my master s in psychology after having also gotten my nursing degree by my 40th birthday all i can say is that i plan on having a hell of a party that year i do promise to blog about it posted by melanie at 8 48 am 2 comments labels family frustration i love my blog friday december 23 2011 i m still a hot mess i haven t written in a really long time a really long time i miss it i miss thinking about what i m going to write banging it out reading and re reading it changing it all up and writing it again it s not that i haven t had things to write about life goes on every single day the good and the bad i just haven t slowed down long enough to do it there isn t enough of me to go around anymore i am sitting alone on my couch the night before christmas eve listening to the sounds of my house dog bumping around in his crate my youngest son s sniffles must get him some medicine tomorrow my husband snoring in the next room etc i am surrounded by the people i love no matter what has happened in the day to day good or bad this is all that matters its been a year give or take since i wrote my last real post a lot has changed but then again maybe not so much i am almost halfway done with my degree in psychology i am still working at the doctor s office but as always keeping my eyes peeled in fact i have an interview next week for a potential start up office in the next town keep your fingers crossed for me it would mean more money but less free time as if i had any to start with and less time for school the largest change is in me i see so much more than i used to see in life in other people in myself the biggest change revolves around my oldest son the sweet one two of my last posts were dedicated to my youngest children i didn t get around to posting about my eldest son before i could post about him we had a nearly life altering event in our household it was brought to our attention that someone was bullying him it turned out to be several some ones most of the high school really someone had set up a fake facebook account in his name proclaiming himself to be homosexual having lewd conversations with other students propositioning people although one person set it up the password got passed around so that a large chunk of the high school was taking turns being my son posting things on facebook like they were coming from him etc pictures that were taken on school campus were posted of him like he was posting them himself some of them he even posed for because someone said hey get in on this picture with us he thought he was being included in the group he wasn t 3 months after we left homeschooling for a private christian education we were broadsided by this it was only brought to our attention because the principal found the website he routinely checks up on the kids this way and was concerned enough to call me in for a meeting you see he believed that it was my son s real facebook page and he wanted to make me aware of his indiscretions needless to say when i left the office he was very aware of the true situation and vowed to investigate i did what i know was the right thing to do i went home and i told my son what the other kids had done part of me wanted to hide it from him and let him go on thinking that these people were his friends but i knew in my heart of hearts that it would be wrong that he deserved to know what kind of friends he had the next thing i did was call a friend of mine who happens to work for law enforcement and asked about the legality of the situation unfortunately in alabama there are not or were not at the time any specific laws against cyberbullying per se other than them threatening him or making a profit from his name they didn t do either there wasn t anything really that could be done i was devastated for him i watched as the reality of his world sank in i watched as the blood ran from his face i watched as his whole 15 yr old life crumbled down around is ears it may not sound like a lot for some but for a 15 yr old boy to have rumors of this magnitude spread about you is tantamount to social execution not only did these kids friend kids from 4 area high schools their friends sent friend requests to their friends and so on until more than 200 kids in our immediate area were either witnessing this behavior or were participating in it many didn t know that it wasn t really him saying these things and it wasn t just boys participating you probably think what i thought before this happened boys bully boys and girls bully girls wrong there were just as many girls participating as there were boys i think that was the part that nearly killed my son it wasn t just that the girls might think he was gay but they were actually participating in the rumor mongering posing as him propositioning gay sex to other students such a blow to your sexuality would be hard for an adult but for a young boy well i probably don t even have to tell you after i told him what i knew we sat together for a little while he talked and then he cried and then he talked some more i remember thinking to myself this is why kids commit suicide they really think that life is over for them because their way of life really is over how do you come back from this i lay on his bed with him and just let him be angry but mostly what we did was cry it was like the death of something the last of his childhood slithering away from us as the cold hard edge of adulthood jammed itself into our lives without welcome i wished with all my heart that i could shoulder this pain for him but i couldn t i asked him if he wanted to go back to school and he said no not yet but then he said something that made my blood run cold and stopped my heart in its tracks he said i don t even want to wake up tomorrow now i know that adolescents are full to the brim of melodrama its their currency but i could hear in his voice that he really felt that way and all i could envision was that mother who found her daughter hanging in her closet after being bullied on the internet i have never been so scared in my life everything in my world stopped turning right then and i knew that i had to do whatever was in my power to make sure that didn t happen he was so distraught and i was so scared that he would slip away from reality and harm himself during the night that the first night i just lay in his room with him and let him cry my poor husband slept alone it was valentine s day i had to take several days off of work because i just didn t trust him enough to leave him alone yet let alone leave him in charge of his brothers while i worked the principal agreed with me and allowed him to finish his work at home that week meanwhile the group of kids who had done this was rounded up and summarily chewed out by the principal who gave an assembly about the dangers of bullying the next day and then this group of kids was given saturday school where they had to scrub floors and walls and bathrooms etc as their punishment don t get me wrong at least the school tried to do something but it just didn t seem fair to me that my son is barely functioning and this group of kids who maliciously destroyed his outlook on life and turned him into this fragile creature who doesn t even want to exist these kids are given chores for their crime i was bitter i suppose i still am i discretely went to my boss and told her what was happening and why i needed the time off she hooked me up a local child psychologist and within the week he began counseling for his grief he only went to about 6 sessions before he backed out but i have faith that when he is ready to deal with it fully we will return because of this event for a time wasn t sure of his sexual orientation i think he looks at himself and asks do they see something in me that i don t see am i gay how do i know not that i was particularly ready to have these discussions but i have had many discussions on the topic with him i can say that before this event i was pretty sure that i had a strong conviction about sexual orientation and how it related to my faith now not so much i know what i think in my head but i just can t reconcile that to my son my child my baby whom i carried in my body and whom i would die defending i don t believe the same things i used to because i was able to look at it from a different perspective i can say this anyone who carries hatred in their hearts for people of different orientations have never faced loving one before i can guarantee you that i have urged my son not to label himself right now from a mom s point of view it doesn t matter right now anyway because i do not want any experimentation with anyone of any sex we do believe in saving ourselves and that doesn t change no matter what our preferences it was a dark time for me and my husband particularly my husband no matter what we know now that our love for our child doesn t change it scares me thinking of his future now but my love doesn t change i see the feminine marks on my son that the world has tried to enlarge and turn into something it may not be but i don t care i don t care that here in the south boys are supposed to play sports and fool around with their girlfriends i don t care that boys in the south aren t supposed to spend all of their time reading and writing stories and painting like my son does i don t care that he s not like the other boys god didn t create him to be like everyone else and i make sure he knows it everyday it has been nearly a year since the original incident my son did return to school because he didn t want to let them beat him he does still occasionally face some ridicule at school but he tries not to let ...