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Text of the page (random words):
ards on that line never mind that sex is a fundamental instinct that is actually quite difficult to tame in spite of all those things i expect you to see things the way i do and live like i do simply because my way is right and your way is wrong this is not realistic conservatives can t get over the sex part from the beginning all the way to the end of the line contraception you shouldn t have sex pregnant you shouldn t have had sex can t get a well paying job because you want to stay with your kids you shouldn t have had sex can t get an education because you re raising kids you shouldn t have had sex can t support your kids you shouldn t have had sex everything comes back to that to the point that they balk at simple compassionate no brainer ways to help people and improve our society because in their mind that would be rewarding wrong sex and sex should have consequences dammit as if kids aren t consequence enough and it s so important that those consequences be applied that rather than help people and thereby risk someone getting away with it we will punish not just them but their kids and their kids kids on down the line so what s my point here it is vote for things that will make everyone s lives better without worrying whether you re somehow supporting other people having sex you think they shouldn t have it s illogical and controlling to let that be any part of your evaluation process those people didn t have sex because of you and they won t stop having sex because of you they don t know you or care about you and neither you nor government policy enter into their decision making process when they re deciding whether or not to have sex so promote access to contraception to child care to job training and education to stable housing for kids to medical and psychological treatment for all citizens to equality before the law trust me everyone wins when those things happen this is usually where someone brings up poor girls or couples making babies because they want more government benefits i don t know anyone personally who has done this but i m betting it happens there is every type of dubious choice you can imagine happening out there in the world but the question is whether that is a significant numbers of people and i m betting it s not most young women i know really want to succeed on their own in general it would take a lot of benefits to make baby benefits a better life than single without benefits and the second question is about cost benefit if we could increase the average education level and earning power of our citizens across the board then it wouldn t matter there would be fewer girls who felt the need to do that and economic benefits would far outpace the cost of the girls who still did posted by rob 2 39 00 pm 0 comments wednesday october 30 2013 stuff you learn by 50 deb and i put together the thing below initially as a solicited birthday gift for a nephew then we thought we should also offer it to our own kids since you know parenthood or whatever we re pretty confident they ll ignore most of it but you never know anyway for what it s worth some stuff we ve learned from other people during the first 5 decades of our lives some of my friends or family may recognize their own quotes or ideas or conversations here thank you for sharing those with me i also invite people who read this to share their own ideas about how to lead a happy and fulfilling life what would you add to the below updated 5 00pm 10 30 2013 a little kindness goes a long way someone once said there are three rules for life the first is to be kind the second is to be kind the third is to be kind there s a quote that s attributed to a lot of different people most often plato or ian maclaren that goes be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle being kind is within the grasp of all of us even if we can t do anything else we can be kind to make others lives easier it s not about you when it comes to difficult interactions remind yourself of that most things that happen most things people say most things in the universe are not about you even when someone explicitly says it s about you it s still usually not about you it s almost always about them and their history their prejudices their pain deb has her teachers put a jar of qtips on their desks to remind them qtip quit taking it personally leave negative people and events behind we have all come through chapters of our lives involving dysfunctional structures or people who were insecure overly competitive unknowingly ignorant or minimally empathetic there are many people who operate that way all their lives but there are thousands more who don t try to surround yourself with people who are builders thinkers doers helpers and avoid negative people as much as possible from dave barry if a person is nice to you but rude to the waiter they are not a nice person teach yourself to assume positive intent once they get past childhood most people seldom actually try to mess things up or to hurt you or themselves when someone seems to have made things inconvenient for you learn to ask what was your good intention in doing this there is great power in being positive it opens doors it promotes health it strengthens relationships it makes you happier to some people it comes naturally other have to learn it either way it s worth making positivity your standard approach learn to empathize empathy is one of the keys to good relationships of all kinds always tell yourself the truth this can be really hard to do because the truth can be uncomfortable or frightening or require us to make changes the truth may cause discord or difficulty with family or friends when things happen in our lives our brain immediately begins the job of constructing a story around what just happened to explain it to ourselves the problem is that our brain likes to make us the hero of all those stories so if we or someone we love has made a mistake or behaved in a way that s less than honorable our brain tries to frame the events in a way that they or we don t seem so bad learn to recognize this going on and try to see things clearly without revising history to make ourselves or others look better if we don t admit our shortcomings we won t ever be better than we are right now if you can find a friend who will tell you the honest truth about yourself when you ask even if they know you might not like the answer that is a valuable thing to have make decisions according to the coldest harshest view of reality you can take it sounds easy but it isn t examples i m good at x but i suck at y i wronged my friend this person i have invested in is not going to treat me the way i deserve to be treated i feel angry i am embarrassed i don t want to get married yet i love someone who doesn t love me back i made a bad decision the more sensible choice is the one i don t like etc make room to forgive we re all a work in progress and this is not only about other people don t forget to forgive yourself the world needs a lot less judgment and a lot more grace be authentic don t make a habit of saying things you don t really mean or pretending to be someone you re not don t make excuses don t make a special spotless version of yourself for others be kind be courteous be gentle but within that be authentic being honest with others about your feelings your fears and in some cases even your mistakes is disarming and makes you someone people will trust everyone finds their own standard for honesty but i try to only lie if there is a higher ethical issue at stake two examples 1 no officer there are no jews hiding in my attic saving people from being murdered is more important than being truthful to an evil person 2 yes aunt tillie the scarf you knitted me is lovely kindness is more important than absolute truth about my scarf related feelings in all other situations i try to tell the truth be intentional don t just let things happen many people float along letting things take whatever course they will and then complain about the results sometimes this is out of laziness but usually it s out of fear fear of failure fear of embarrassment fear of the unknown etc make conscious decisions and then live with the results of your choices there are causes and effects learn to be cause in the matter of your life comparison is the thief of joy don t compare yourself or your life with others they are them and you are you life isn t a competition life is to be enjoyed not evaluated we are wired to judge everything to respond to every situation with either yipe or goody often it s better to just say wow or hmmm instead to learn to enjoy what is without comparing it to something else or against some imaginary standard there are a few things that require diligence and vigilance and discernment figure out the few things that are really important and take a stand on those for the rest try to learn to reach for good things but then let life be what it is without having to evaluate and judge every experience every event of your life most of life is in the grays the more you insist on black and white especially from other people the unhappier you ll be 90 of your day to day happiness will be determined by who you choose to make your life with choose your partner carefully pick somebody who makes you happy don t settle remember that two pounds of nice is better than 10 pounds of pretty find someone who is kind who is generous and knows how to laugh at themselves don t invest time in a fixer upper basically people don t change in a relationship that is almost never do people change basic personality traits and if they do change it s only if when and because they decide to learn to love unconditionally for the most part setting expectations for other people is a waste of time if you can t live with and love how someone is then be with someone else don t try to change another person into what you d like them to be it s annoying and it doesn t work rather than telling someone they ought to or should or must do or be something tell them i feel x when you do y if the person can t or won t stop doing y decide whether or not you can live with it if you can then accept it and shut up about it if you can t then find someone else love is a verb from the movie a guy thing when it comes to love how you say you feel doesn t matter to anyone but you the only thing that counts is how you treat the people you say you love you are the recognized expert on how to treat you if you cringe and blush and act embarrassed about every error you make others will follow your lead and make a big deal of your mistakes if you accept that you are flawed and make mistakes just like everyone else and can still like and accept yourself and laugh off your minor blunders then others will follow suit don t gossip you don t have to tell everything you know we all like to be the person with a juicy story but most of what you hear about other people is heavily flavored with bs anyway don t pass that stuff on let it die with you it s an honorable thing to be a friend that people can trust with their confidences don t get too bogged down with others opinions about you it is useful to be socially well calibrated to get along with others to understand society s rules and customs to not make others uncomfortable but humans are pretty free with their opinions and often people give a lot of advice about other people s lives that they re not necessarily qualified to give the opinion of people you respect counts but don t define yourself solely by other people s approval try to be the kind of person you admire as someone said what others think of me is none of my business plato is quoted as saying when men speak ill of thee live so as nobody may believe them feelings are usually more important to our brains than facts are we have reason and logic but deep down we are emotional beings we do most things because of how they make us feel or how we ve been trained and then our brain makes up a logical reason for our decision a split second afterward this process happens so fast we don t even recognize it generally we believe we ve decided everything based on logic learn to identify and own your feelings don t make important decisions when you re excessively emotional learn to make decisions based on both facts and feelings some feelings some thoughts are not our friend learn to recognize those accept them and then leave them behind if you feel something don t try to tell yourself you don t if you don t like how you feel you can change it through prayer affirmations or through changing your circumstances but pretending to yourself that you don t feel it is not healthy not everything that makes us angry or sad is bad and not everything that makes us feel good is good for us study a little psychology learn about ego defense mechanisms it will help you understand yourself and other people better self discipline is hard but useful teach yourself good habits and remember that habit is an excellent servant but a poor master we re born selfish there are huge rewards in learning to be more other directed learn to be flexible to adjust most unhappiness and anger comes from the gap between our agenda expectations and actual reality reach for your dreams but if not achieving them immediately makes you unhappy you re doing it wrong sometimes you need to ground your immediate expectations in reality hope for the best prepare for the worst we re wired to need a purpose to do something we feel matters if you find yourself drifting unhappy or bored purpose usually what s missing the quick fix is to go help somebody besides being a good thing to do it strengthens our feeling that we re worthy to be in the world long term you have to figure out what you want who you want to be and be working toward that be appreciative if you re healthy if you re relatively normal looking if you have a loving family if you live in a peaceful and wealthy country remember that you did nothing to earn those things they weren t something you chose or a natural extension of who you are as a person it was all a gift a bonus remember to be grateful for that life is trade offs for everything we want everything we get there are other things we have to give up learn to recognize the little price tag hanging off of everything we want and make decisions you ll still be happy about tomorrow be mindful of how you treat your body what you put in your mind be a life long learner school ends at age 18 but that s when real learning is just beginning the amount that you don t know yet and you don t even know that you don t know it yet is staggering a nobel prize winner said his mother used to ask him what good question did you ask today don t be afraid to ask questions when you pretend to know things you don t know you pass up an opportunity to learn remember that often what people call a conclusion is just where they got tired of thinking if you are truly a life...