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Text of the page (random words):
li anythg is it really worht the sacrify do i wan to it doesnt seem the logical thing to do i think i dun wan to but how can i enjoy the best of both worlds are they realli conflicting no right you said they werent but somehow now it does right to you im sick of guessing more like tired tired of trying to figure out stuff tired of explaining myself like i said this 2 month had been shit work is piling up i quit my part time job emerge is nearing everythg is rushing rush here and there trying to squueze out every single drop of brain juice i have i need a lil more understanding concern happiness i haven been feeling really happy not one day since then i tried having happy food they say chocolate makes you happy no it only does when you are already happy it makes you feel happier but when the dark clouds seems to loom over you chocolate only makes you feel more lonely you have noone but yourself to share whats the point of eating choc if you are eating it alone i always seemed as if i have alot of friends but come to think of it how many can i realli share my prob with i had one had i dunno should i continue to share with her its seems her suggestions nv helped i mean i really like sharing with her and tot she is the only friend that knows and understands her words did matter at least to me but not to others since they didnt view her realli as a good friend or one that could give constructive suggestions they tot her suggestions were biased maybe they are or maybe the listeners themselves are too baised biased against her im a simple grl as i recognise myself to be if i were a plant i would probably be the easiest kind to take care of i dun need a lot of attention i dun need you there 24 7 i dun buy unnecessarily i take care of myself i take console in what i have i dun ask for more cuz i know being contented with what i have is also a form of happiness content the word i came to live with but the irony being there you nv know what you are missing out it also impedes progress so what now one problem after another it juz doesnt stops does it how do i handle all this im already up to my brink i dun need another problem so 2 choices solve it now dun care option 2 is tempting but nope im rational i think therefore trust me its juz another extra hurdle ive passed so many its juz another although without it life would be so much easier but since its here i juz get to get over it random thoughts in life feeling emo for no apparent reasons maybe cuz of what is said i start to think alot i dun even know what it is i juz know that the nxt wave is coming i have to prepare myself protect myself the beach im at has too much waves now i need to calm down i think if i ever look back at this entry i wouldnt know what im talking abt the past is nothing but fragments of memories i dun need bad memories i wanted to make this post private i dunno how so forget it if you are readin good for you you juz gt to kno mi better if you are not i dun wanna explain too its juz a random post one that i use to sort out my thoughts and feelings i dun need to share with anybody 2 28 2010 12 05 00 am monday december 28 2009 natasha studio jam vol 5 yeah finally made a step out out out of my comfort zone hehehez i dunno what gave me the guts to join natasha studio jam perhaps cuz my frenz are joining perhaps i wanted to try something different or perhaps i juz wanna challenge myself before the competition start i kept asking everybody else to join with me hurhur in the end still juz mi and weimeng but its ok cuz i finally tasted a battle omg hahaha so high and so exciting first round was good i was pretty steady got thru to top 8 during battle to top 4 i totally not listening i dunno why i kanjiong go out go out liao den lost it arghhhh no feel at all i can hear the song inside mi i cant feel it im juz doing my thing with the song playing no feel haizzzz but still good experience hehez so glad i got into top8 too its by point system so all contestants would have 1 min to feelstyle 8 with the highest scores goes into the knock out yup once im in i got knocked out lolx but when they mention the name thats gt into top8 that time i super duper shock dao i was the first called lah i din expect to get into top8 cuz the ppl there like all very string lor even the tie breaking ppl are all very strong if even they need to tie break kaoz i sure out so realli realli happy hahahah top 8 im proud k i would try for other competitions next time hehez hope somebody gt vid down cuz i really like to see how i did if i can find i ll share d 12 28 2009 01 30 00 pm monday december 21 2009 its been a while yes its been awhile since recital ended ive felt lost like theres no aim no nothing to work towards to everyday is just another day but im getting used to it i guessed all i needed was some time the happiest dinner on earth would still have to end but its the process that matters the chen jing 擁有 so im good everything else shld go back to normal thanks to you for understanding sometimes ppl juz like to dig their own graves find trouble for themselves im one of them i dunno its like so obvious whats the choice alr why am i still like wavering i sooo have no determination den keep doubting myself why stop fooling ard with me ahhhh sis wedding in a few days its time to get pretty and dolled up its time to get busy really admire those who planned their wedding on their own omg its so time and energy consuming looking at my sis haha sometimes i also dunno how to like help lolx so useless but im happy for her after this its time for spain hope she enjoys herself oh and me too im going genting ahaha my first time there woohoo its gonna be great 12 21 2009 10 54 00 am tuesday december 15 2009 end of recital 09 its been 2 days since oschool recital 09 ended its been 2 days when i last felt realli high and happy thanks to oschool esp hua and hei that i got this chance to be performing on stage showing the world what im capable of and enjoying it what can i say dancing is my everything i may not be good but who says you have to be good to enjoy doing it hehezz because of recital i got to know many great dancers and even greater friends i truely treasure every moment i have with them every practice every session every night out juz seemed especially enjoyable cuz of their company im broke but becuz i wanna spend more time with them im willing to take cab home im tired but becuz i wanna be with them more im willing to stay out late i stay super far but becuz i wanna learn so much more from them travelling is not a problem at all i juz wanna thank all of them for the great memories every single one of them is dope to me i love them juz like the way they love me 1 thanks weiqi for acompanying me all this while and being such a great fren without you i would have felt so lost 2 thanks huixian for all the entertainment you are seriously a cheerful and cute grl oh wols as well lols 3 thanks yingxin for the classic hair twirling and laughters haha happy memoriess 4 thanks jeannie for believing in me and sharing ur dance knowledge the cypher was fun and it sort of made us closer hehez thanks 5 thanks fion for being such a sweet grl for braiding my hair during recital and trusting me to teach you the choreo when you missed lessons lolx i dun even know if ive taught the right thing 6 thanks jeremy for teaching me all that i kno be it dance or life youve been a great teacher sometimes i feel like you know so much more den me even thou im supposed to be older wasted my few years of life haha thanks for sharing those inspirational vids they are realli some motivation 7 thanks luqman for being laughter to the crew hahaha you and ur pork jokes never fails to bring that laughter on my face lols and your classic dui lor dui lor you all chinese die hahaha funny lah and not forgeting you were the first who taught me something since i joined recital you taught mi body wave i still rmb during the first meetup and theres only you mi and jeremy lolx thanks nigga man 8 thanks chaozhong for all the cold jokes sometimes realli quite erm lame till i bui ta han huh nevertheless at least some form of entertainment lolx nxt time dun say too chim wan if not huixian would go huh what haha thanks for the tshirt too ahaha too many people telling mi its dope liao 9 thanks jiarui for encouraging me in my freestyle actualli i quite no confident that day during that cypher it was my first and i super scare in front of so many of you pro ppl haha but thanks for encouraging me and ur advises 10 thanks weimeng for treating me really like ur dajie haha trusting me to give you advices even thou i felt i din help much hehez sometimes i find you realli cute will hug on to ur bag when you hungry and tired haha and dun shy k we would go celebrate your bday on 20th feb see i really rmb 11 thanks winson for teaching me what is perseverance i realli admire your hardwork carry on learning and one day you would be dope 12 thanks jonas for putting in so much effort till you faint haha pls take care of ur health not sleeping is not healthy not eating is not healthy above everything else health is the most impt take care alrights 13 thanks xuehui for the ultimate dope choreo without you there would not be heihua thanks for letting us look so good on stage ive learnt much thru this recital and definitely would not forget this special memory and we haven go for heihua dinner yet 14 thanks xiaohei for being my idol haha because of you i wanna be a so much better dancer inspired by you thanks for the choreo thanks for the advises i love you 12 15 2009 10 34 00 pm thursday december 03 2009 recital drawing near its less than 2 weeks to recital and we are so not ready we really need to train like pia all the way now i dun wan any regrets go go fightin i know all of us can do it we juz needa focuz more thinking back juz a month or so haha feeling kan jiong abt the audition finally got thru den excited with being accepted into hei s choreo everythg felt so yesterday woo im so glad i step out of the comfy lil club into the big big world to realised that you are so small but even more so to realised there s so much to learn it excites me seriously you would stop progressing once you think you are dope but if you keep a humble mind theres always more and more to learn the more you know the more you feel you dun actually know that much i felt that through recital i have grown both in dance and mentally of cuz friends i have made so many good fren thru this i wish the performance never come so we can juz keep continuing this lolx yes friends are oh so impt they make the whole thing more meaningful of cuz there are times where friends dun play a positive part in motivating you thats when you focus on dance dun let the few minority affect how you feel towards dance love dance not juz the people when you stand on stage people ultimately only sees you you represent urself if you choose to give up it would only reflect on you not ur fren so jiayou lets do this for the love of dance although quite sad that we missed the opening item title still jiayou we can make it thru wanna do a thank you list but i guess i shld do it like after recital right haha like more appropriate i love heihua 12 03 2009 01 22 00 am friday november 27 2009 was talking to dear just now on the phone realised humans actually do very similar stuff with very different feelings motives we can all write an essay with a same topic but the content plot setting everything would be so different of cuz no one would be wrong its juz what we want to achieve a top class student would be upset with himself for getting a grade b while a normal or lower stream student would pray and kneel to get a least a c neither of them are wrong right differing objectives to me dance is the same way people can dance leisurely competitively or commercially it shouldnt matter to anybody what that person wanna acheive right i mean if this guy juz wanna dance for fun den you can force him to go competitive meh or if this person wanna achieve something in dance can you say he is too ambitious its the same juz diff perspective we all love to dance if not why are we sweating buckets spending money wasting time i could hav put the time money into better use right of cuz sometimes it gets annoying to have lethegic ppl when you have aims and goals or have super enthu ppl keep pushing you when you juz wanna dance thats why find people who share the same with you first step to organistional behavior establish common goals when i dance i wan to achieve everything that i can and more its about moving forward about putting in everything you have to acheive the best if i dont put in all that i can now den wait till when when im 30 and loaded with work when im 40 and worrying abt family or when im 50 and stricken with poor health i already started late all the more i should put in double effort to achieve what i want and competition is a form of exam its to prove urself its like even if you dun win you get to know where you stand why study study study but have no exams its kinda meaningless you dunno if you really get it of cuz like i said there are ppl who enjoy pure moments of dance they have no need to prove to anybody but to me i wanna know where am i where i stand i wanna understand that and move on go further then where im standing because i love dance its juz like wanting to know ur bf better of you like sombody you dun juz stop at flirting right you would wanna know what he likes what he do ok bad analogy forgive me still remembering the start of danzation nobody wans to commit only po jernice and me but we were determined we wanna achieve something we even said that even if sim cant be part of it we would go ask every other tertiary sch go ask one by one if they can let us in their item there was the determination and im not losing it vid from jer that really gives meaning to dance its always dance before style dance for a reason 11 27 2009 01 37 00 am thursday november 19 2009 omg i just saw a super dope shoe super dope right and its wmns means no sizing error omggg so you see how excited i am but i know i not gg to get it hur cuz i juz bought an af1 white not that i regret that shoes is a must buy but juz if oni this wan comes with it hahahaa die im officially a shoe addict eh i think counted bah i like to see shoe and go gaga over them but no money to buy so i suffer like the after effects juz like drug addicts hahaa omgg still cant get over the shoes ok nono i need get heels spot this aldo black plain open toe heel i like hehez maybe wear for sis wedding but muz wait cuz aldo will have year end sale so perserverance christmas sales pls recital is coming so excited friends who are interested to come support pls buy tickets now they are selling fast can contact mi if you wan recital is on 13 dec 7pm juz hope that i have some supporters lah if not everybody go down stage meet their friends and family i ll be the on...