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y show before i am fast asleep and there s no chance i m making it up for colbert report here s where i need to insert my praise for the invention of the dvr or tivo whatever you call it how did we as a society survive without it for so long b has been great very supportive except he hasn t cracked a single pregnancy or baby book but he is there for me emotionally and has taken the burden of cleaning the apartment and keeping me sane and that right now is more important that keeping with the reading of the books on deck he s been a true gem and partner in every way and i think he s going to be an amazing father and i can t wait to give him that the other day b was talking with a co worker and he said something about seeing a movie but that every time we try to go i bail b c i m pregnant and too tired and the co worker was like what you didn t tell me and got annoyed upset at him in a jokey way and b made a funny observation how when you re the dad to be and you are expecting but you re not physically pregnant it s an odd thing with co workers as much as he wanted to go shouting through the halls that he is going to be a daddy it doesn t work that way and very few of his co workers know his boss and direct reports know but not the rest of his crew i guess when you re the guy and not physically pregnant it s weird to bring it up with people but then people get mad when you don t tell them and they find out and this co worker was like your wife is over 7 months what and he didn t know how to react so we decided as a joke that we are going to start a line of t shirts for expectant fathers with cute messages or create buttons that daddies to be can wear to announce their expectant good news to the outside world expectant dads have a right to get excited to i guess the question is how do they express it if it can t be physical manifestations in their body unless they gain sympathy weight technically i m still due june 25 but everyone who sees me tells me i should plan on going early b c i m enormous it s all belly but it s a huge belly and most people think i m due in like 2 weeks not 8 so we ll see what happens i can handle the stupid comments i get from people mostly men who ask me if i m carrying twins and when i say no who ask me if i m sure well duh i ve had about a hundred ultrasounds so i thick i d know by now if there were two little people in there as for the baby s movement i have barely felt much i think it s partially due to having an anterior placenta which affects the positioning of the baby but also maybe it s because i have a mellow person in there i was expecting to feel kicks like punchy ones that would jut out of my stomach but that hasn t happened and may not happen for me i feel movement but it feels more like flutters or bubbles than it does like kicks sometimes these flutters are in what feels like my butt at times it s a weird feeling and sometimes when the baby is fluttering around in there it really tickles but i love it at 32 weeks some days i feel like time is flying by and other days it passes so slowly i want it to be june already but then i think about how much i still need to do and i panic we have to clean out the room that will be the nursery and re arrange our apt and b made me fun of me b c he said it s so clear that i m nesting right now and he s not he s such a guy he just thinks everything will magically happen and fall into place and there s no need to stress about it and i m female therefore crazy and manic about wanting things done a certain way and on time but i m also super superstitious so there s only so much i will allow us t do ahead of time hence we don t know the baby s sex and won t bring anything into the house until there s an actual baby this is also probably tied to me eastern european jewish roots which don t allow me to prep for a baby until there s an actual baby just don t tell my mom i broke this rule already because i saw a really cute onesie that i got for a friend as a baby gift and had to have one for myself as well so it s tucked away in the recesses of my closet as for the baby all is well so far at the last ultrasound 2 weeks ago the baby measured 3lbs 4 oz right on track for 30 weeks at the time the baby is breech which likely means i m heading for c section land to get the baby to turn i have tried to lean against an ironing board for a few minutes a day old wives tale advice from a friend and it did nothing to turn the baby at 28 weeks he or she was transverse but at 30 weeks back to being breech i go back to my ob tomorrow but i can tell the baby is still breech b c the only flutters i feel are very low did i mention we don t know the sex and are holding out for the surprise but our gut tells us it s a boy obviously we d be thrilled in either case as long as he or she was healthy and mommy got to keep her uterus in tact i m not thrilled at the thought of a c section only b c i fear it will put me back in the scarring situation i know nothing has been proven to explain why some women scar from uterine procedures and others don t but i know my own body and i think i just have a propensity to bruise easily so i am really hoping for a vaginal birth albeit medicated my plan is to hold out as long as possible before i get the epidural so i can say i experienced childbirth not that i think a c section or even an epidural is a cop out quite the contrary but i m really looking forward to trying it out on my own before there is medical intervention i can t even believe i m saying this because i m the world s biggest wimp but i really want to try i m also hoping this isn t my only chance at having children so anything i can do to keep my uterus in tact appeals to me but of course i know plenty of women who have had c sections and some friends even prefer it so if that has to happen i m ok with it i have to be friends have asked if i plan on nursing i don t know how anyone can plan on these things it seems like it s less up to me and mostly up to the baby if they take to it or nor the easy answer is yes i do plan on nursing or at least trying my mom said nursing was very easy for her with both me and my brother and she did it for a long time but then again this was russia in the 60s and 70s and there was no formula as an option today they make it sound like nursing is so counter intuitive and it has me prepared for the worst i have a feeling i will have an abundance of milk despite being on the smaller bobby side as my prolactin levels were really high before i got pregnant i was actually on meds pre pregnancy to try to control my prolactin levels as sometimes it can lead to infertility so i have a feeling my supply will be good i just hope my baby takes to it and it s easy and comfortable the c section also doesn t thrill me because i m concerned it might make it harder to nurse but hearing from others who were able to nurse after a c sect reassures me that it might all turn out ok i m hoping to nurse for at least 6 months exclusively and then we ll see how it goes depending on whether i go back to work or not i work in an office where there are cameras everywhere so nursing or actually pumping in the office is not going to work out for me i m trying to take it easy at work as much as possible think i m only going to work for the next 4 weeks which gets me to 36 weeks and then i ll take an early maternity leave or maybe my doctor can insist i go on bed rest and that would appease my non baby friendly boss that i need to be out for medical reasons and hopefully the baby will cook a bit longer ideally to 37 weeks if possible we went to register this weekend and holy crap is that a daunting process it made me feel so inadequate like i m so unprepared to be a mom i had no idea what half of the stuff in the store was or what it s main use is it makes me wonder how we have evolved as a people before there were nipple brushes and boppy pillows and sitting stools and stuff and how am i supposed to know what type of sling or carrier is best for me i have no idea or strollers i feel like i ll be stigmatized if i buy the really expensive stroller but if i buy the cheapy one which seems just as good will my baby be judged by the other mommies and kids at the playground and will that cheapy stroller end up costing b and i and our child thousands of dollars in therapy it s all so overwhelming but then there s another part of me that is overwhelmed in a good way all the baby stuff is so cute and my eyes widen and i feel like i want it all and will have to win the lottery to afford it all not to mention move to a bigger residence which also requires winning the lottery the baby business is such a racket i thought the fertility docs had it made now i m thinking the folks who invent all these products are the real money making geniuses that s the general update i hope to be able to post more frequently in the weeks to come and i really hope i get to share the god news of a safe arrival and a good delivery of the little one i m starting to get really excited as is b but of course there s a part of us that still has a hard time excepting this is for real i don t think we ll fully believe it until someone hands us this baby and says enjoy posted by ella 1 48 pm 6 comments friday february 09 2007 half baked baby its so crazy that i m at 20 weeks this week as one of my friends said to me my baby is now half baked i think that just sounds funny i had my 20 week check up at the ob on tuesday they didn t do an u s but confirmed there was a ticker still beating away in there via doppler so i am a little more assured now that i ve made it halfway through my pregnancy i would feel better if i had any movement but hopefully that will come soon enough i was hoping that despite the anterior placenta i had been diagnosed with earlier i would still feel some activity but i guess not i m still pretty much enjoying a symptom free pregnancy with a few glitches my ob mentioned to me this week that my blood pressure was really low at my appt it was 90 40 i ve never had it that low before i usually have normal pressure and most times its actually slightly elevated a dr s appt s b c i have dr s appt related anxiety so i was concerned and can t shake it i went to dr google and started reading all these scary studies about how low blood pressure leads to stillbirth my ob said it s nothing to worry about it might have to do with the way i m retaining water i don t feel dizzy or light headed or anything like that just tired from not getting a good night s sleep my only pregnancy related symptom complaint i ve been getting leg crams nonstop whether i sleep on my left or right side and i get up about 5 times night to stretch and flex my toes also i finally gained some weight i am now 7lbs above my base weight and it s a 4 lbs gain in 4 weeks so i feel a bit better i think all of my actual weight will just come on in the end i do have this huge belly and i am really enjoying it people say i look skinnier than i ve looked in a long time just with this basketball in the middle of me one of my friends actually said to me last night that i am a cute pregnant person which is very sweet and makes me feel good i m big enough now to be obviously pregnant looking and last week someone looked me up and down on the subway and offered me their seat and this is with my heavy winter coat on b c it s damn freezing in ny b took pictures of my belly this week and we sent them to my parents they were laughing hysterically they live in florida and aren t getting the joy of seeing me pregnant in person so this picture was their first taste of their daughter looking obviously pregnant it was very cute they called me immediately after receiving the picture to laugh and say how happy this makes them i m hoping they are able to come to visit in april for passover and they can rub the buddha belly in person i have to say if i make it through this pregnancy process with a healthy baby in tow i can honestly say i m enjoying being pregnant my ob also said that at this point she considers me a pretty low risk pregnancy which i guess is good truthfully i would still rather be high risk b c i feel like they would be watching me more carefully but she said at this point my having ashermans is a non factor in my pregnancy assuming i don t have placenta issues i have my big anatomy scan next week so i am looking forward to that i know they will re check my cervix and hopefully check the placenta and try to rule out placenta accreta although it might be too soon for that in some respects i can t believe how quickly time is flying by but then every day also seems incredibly long i m also having all these mixed emotions knowing that if our first pregnancy had worked out id be celebrating my kid s first birthday this weekend as much as i try to remove this thought from my head it s hard because i get these constant reminders in the mail about ways to decorate for the first birthday party stages of food my baby should be on etc word to the wise don t sign up for babycenter or if you do don t give then your mailing address i have tried to throw these things away without evening opening the envelope i would have thought being pregnant would make all of these sad emotions go away but really they still linger everyone says by 20 weeks you should feel comfortable and secure in the pregnancy and i m just not there yet i ve heard one too many horror stories and know of people who have had late term losses i m too antsy to shop for anything baby related or look into pediatricians or really commit to anything because i don t want to jinx this but then i stat to worry that this will make me a poor unprepared parent i guess i m having a hard time balancing my superstitious side with my rational sense of what i need to do in advance while i have the time and energy someone recently asked me if i ve had any cravings while pregnant the easy answer is no i haven t had any cravings at all the only thing i crave is security and a positive outlook and that seems well beyond my reach i hope by the third trimester the fears will subside and i ll feel more confident that things will work out for us i really hope this feeling kicks in soon pun intended posted by ella 12 21 pm 9 comments wednesday january 17 2007 17 weeks and counting happy belated new year everyone i have been so remiss about posting lately and just can t get around to composing my thoughts i ve had so much on my mind but every time i sit down to type i get distracted with work stuff at work and home stuff at home ah excuses excuses i m 17 weeks as of yesterday and still pregnant i had my last u s at the high risk group three weeks ago it went well the u s tech was kinda new and wasn t sure what she was really measuring she said she was told to do an anatomy and cervical length measurement but it was too early for an anatomy and she didn t know how to do the cervical measurement she did do 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