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description=What are you doing over there? Queerly, we re trying to make a baby. Can t you tell?;

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Text of the page (random words):
given the magnet her doll s pacifier for the ride moose now gives really good hugs with a nice squeeze around the neck she also likes to stick her fingers up your nose so it s a bit of a dice toss our big girl is moving up to the toddler room at daycare next week we were able to get a spot at the school directly across the street same daycare different location which is going to make life much easier she s been doing transition visits and she is enthralled older kids different toys a playground it s the big time she s recently mastered both drinking from an open cup and sleeping on the little daycare cot instead of in her crib so she s all set i get teary every time i think about leaving her infant room teachers behind she loves them and so do lauren and i i could not even remotely be managing my stressful job situation if i didn t feel 100 amazing about where moose is every day i d forgotten how much this age is about imitation moose can spend long periods trying on all of our mittens and hats clomping around in our shoes cooking in her play kitchen and blowing on the hot food talking on anything she finds that might be a phone sweeping the floor etc what her teeth are arriving in such an odd order our doctor well that s weird she got the front four that most kids get first skipped the following eight teeth and went straight to the top molars then one on the top left then one halfway back on the bottom right go figure based on how swollen her gums are at the moment i suspect there s a whole mouthful brewing moose still loves music and dancing her current favourite thing to do is shake her finger at those naughty bed jumping monkeys she loves books she reads them to herself throughout the day and brings them to us to read she has clear favourites and seems to dig through the pile to find specific ones i love watching her read lift the flap books because she shouts oh every single time she lifts a flap we are definitely into clear toddler territory behaviourally moose does a great dissolve into tears and crumple face first onto the floor when things don t work out the way she planned it must be so hard to be little i m sure that there s more there are so many little things that i want to remember about this age the first year really crawled by sorry future moose if you re reading this but toddlerhood is a ton of fun and it seems so fleeting posted in uncategorized leave a comment we re still here posted on february 23 2016 by tamarainwriting i m not sure why i haven t been blogging well the not enough hours in the day thing is part of it working and parenting and trying to do laundry once in awhile takes up a lot of life s moments the other part of it is harder to explain i ve been really struggling with my mood over the last few months and i find it both exhausting and a little shameful professionally i say all the time that mental health should not have such a stigma attached that we don t judge anyone for seeking treatment for other medical conditions personally it s harder in this space especially where i should feel totally free to write about whatever i want to i walk away from drafted posts in the middle instead of trying to tease out the strands of my muddled thoughts i have a great circle of bereaved mom friends and i wonder sometimes if this is common to us as a group no one feels totally free to talk about feeling sad when we have our beautiful healthy rainbow babies conceived in a place of loss gestated in a place of anxiety wanted loved and so treasured we forget that we re allowed to feel love and gratitude at the same time as sadness we re mostly supposed to be happy now i think and the funny part is i don t actually think my current difficulty with anxiety and depression actually has much to do with either of my children pregnancy loss or parenting i ve got some medical stuff happening that has led to pretty severe deficiencies in iron and b12 and i m in a difficult situation at work short story my current placement is not a great fit and it s extremely stressful there are plenty of reasons why i m not feeling like myself and none of them are a personal failing i m not sure why it s so hard to write about at any rate i don t want to deny myself this space writing is good for me and documenting this awesome toddler ful stage of life is good for me too re the toddler she s awesome i ll do a separate post but aside from her obvious intention to win the award for baby to get the most ear infections in a 6 month period we re loving this age moose is almost 17 months old runs everywhere gets into everything copies everything that lauren and i do and generally lives her life to the fullest and sleeps through the night too alleluia rainbow baby is a commonly used term for a baby born after a lost sibling i actually struggle a lot with the term although i think i m the only one because i have difficulty with using a label that defines moose by ezra s death it worries me that she might get the idea that she was born to make me feel happy again she was born to be her own wacky little self however it s the term people use and i don t really have another one posted in uncategorized 2 comments one year posted on october 31 2015 by tamarainwriting good lord i ve been working on this post for nearly a month we did survive what we are now referring to as toothmageddon and i m choosing to resolutely believe that 4 is the perfect number of teeth and she s done that level of baby angst demon possession just does not seem sustainable so in one year news our baby is suddenly not such a baby anymore birthday porch portrait i know that technically she s still an infant and have the child care fees to prove it but she s morphed from a squawky little bean into a determined mobile mischievous mini toddler for moose s birthday we all got the stomach flu thanks daycare the poor little thing it was the sickest she s been in her life 102 degree fever being hydrated with 2ml at a time of pedialyte in a syringe the whole deal she was so pathetically cuddly it broke my heart also i don t know that i ve ever done that much laundry in a 48 hour period poor baby she recovered in time for a small birthday party where i think the highlight of her life so far was being given a cupcake she had no idea what to do with it at first but once she tried it she was totally on board cookie monster cupcake duck face the leap in development at this age is really incredible she s always shocking us with what she knows how to do much of the credit goes to her amazing teachers at daycare thanks to them she will suddenly do things that it wouldn t even occur to us to try last week i realized that she knows how to use a fork what i m dying to know is how they get the babies to eat from plates and bowls without throwing them on the floor we re still working on that one let s do a one year rundown moose starting walking right after her birthday and almost immediately realized that if she picks up the pace she can get away she s shockingly fast climbing is also a sudden hit she s a daredevil no cupboard or drawer is safe she empties everything that isn t locked these are now hers it keeps her out of the toilet sigh she talks constantly her teachers comment on it all the time she s one of the chattiest babies i ve ever seen we re slowly starting to be able to pick some english out of the mix most of the time she sounds exactly like a sim so far we know she can say dog doug cat kit and i m fairly certain she says look yook as well moose has a temper it s simultaneously hilarious and terrifying i didn t expect tantrums quite so soon but if there is something she wants that she can t have she throws herself on the floor and yells if you try to offer her an alternate item she will either smack it out of your hand or take it and throw it the other night she had a complete meltdown in the high chair because lauren wouldn t let her have beer i am grateful to be raising an independent thinker but i anticipate some trying times ahead so far distraction is our friend i suspect it will also help when moose has more words she often seems to get frustrated if it s not clear what she wants she continues to love daycare it makes me so happy she has definite relationships with the babies in her class and she s thrilled to see her teachers every morning we are very very lucky music continues to be one of her favourite things she got some instruments for her birthday and she plays with them frequently what always surprises me is that she does it correctly she knows to hold drumsticks and xylophone mallets differently makes sure she has them right side up can play the tambourine and the castanets and will shake a maraca to the beat of music it s quite something she still eats everything and has put together that we sometimes have things that we don t share with her she does not approve she is now totally weaned i replaced daytime nursing with whole milk bottles before i went back to work and right around her birthday she started refusing morning and night nursing i was surprised but it worked out well because it happened gradually and my supply had a chance to drop slowly moose has a sense of humour she seems to understand when something is silly and will do silly things herself to make us laugh she is really into imitating us now and loves to help of course this usually means things like taking the clothes back out of the washer as i put them in but we still want to encourage her and it s pretty cute sweeping i m sure that there s more but this post is late enough coming soon halloween pictures posted in uncategorized 2 comments send help posted on october 22 2015 by tamarainwriting i promise there is a one year post in the works we have a one year old who walks even said one year old was toothless until right around her birthday and is now cutting her fourth tooth in about two weeks we are sleepless nonsense spouting defeated messes i don t think that moose has slept for more than two hours in a row in the last week it gets better right posted in uncategorized 4 comments this working all day thing posted on september 18 2015 by tamarainwriting i totally forgot to do an 11 month update lately i ve been lucky if i remember to use shampoo and conditioner in the right order the changes to our routine have been a huge huge adjustment a quick rundown moose is rocking daycare i went back to get her after two hours on the first day expecting a confused and overtired baby who had missed her morning nap and she was asleep her teachers are magical creatures who get 10 babies to eat well and take naps are often singing and dancing with the kids when i come in and moose absolutely loves them and her tiny baby friends i m not sure that i have the words to convey how relieved and happy i am to feel so good about where she is we are so so lucky i wish that i liked my new job as much as moose likes school there s not much to say about it i knew it wasn t a great fit and i took it anyway i can be at daycare by about 4 15 every day and that makes it worth being unhappy but it s been a hard pill to swallow i ve been spoiled by 5 years of working in a fantastic autism classroom and implementing my own social skills and behaviour programming and now i m working in a very different classroom one on one with a student following someone else s program and disagreeing with much of what is happening i felt ready to move on in some ways i don t think i ever really got over feeling so unsupported at school after ezra died but it s still professionally frustrating i ll live i had forgotten how exhausting it is to come out to large groups of new people i find it easiest to do it before anyone has time to develop a mental picture of me as a heterosexual people seem oddly thrown when you correct them later so there s a lot of using the term my wife as often as possible and watching them fumble it s not a big deal but it s tiring not for the first time it strikes me that coming out as a bereaved parent is not dissimilar it s best to do it early but it s a real conversation stopper this needs its own post and i m going to try to find the words soon but i m really struggling with the world right now there has been an awful lot of tragedy of late and too many dead kids i m tearing up even as i think about writing about it but it s percolating and i ll try i ll do a one year post soon her birthday is in two weeks but in a nutshell moose is awesome she is a still toothless nearly walking mischievous dancing chatty little ball of energy i did at least remember to take a photo i wondered when she would realize that the chair rocks posted in uncategorized 4 comments ten months posted on august 16 2015 by tamarainwriting ten months with all the emotion of the last couple of weeks i nearly forgot to do this month s update which would be a shame because we re having an incredible burst of development over here we have mobility so much mobility as predicted when moose started to crawl it was full speed ahead her crawling style is absolutely hilarious it s a cross between a baby chimpanzee and the hunchback of notre dame she keeps one foot planted on the floor and uses it to push the other knee forward within three days she added pulling up cruising furniture and standing unsupported for short periods to her repertoire and now nothing is safe she tests our apparently lackluster attempts to baby proof constantly i didn t realize how tall she is baby rampage cognitive development has leaped forward as well moose is clapping nodding yes when asked a question even if the question is are you a walrus moose looking towards an object if you point to it and dancing oh the dancing it s so funny arm waving and deep knee bends moose is suddenly quite excited by the world around her and often shows that she s impressed by something with clenched waving fists and a strange intense grunt that means look at that dogs in particular are a hit these days we took a weekend trip to montreal and while we were there we took moose to the biodome seeing live animals up close blew her mind it actually seemed like too much excitement for one small person to contain her amazed face our trip to montreal also marked moose s first train ride she approved fortunately for everyone once she was done exclaiming over everything she saw out the window not to mention the folding tray table she fell asleep and was out the better part of the way home first train ride asleep on the train in other exciting news though it is nearly impossible for me to wrap my mind around moose is going to start daycare soon the daycare situation in toronto and particularly in our neighbourhood is absolutely infuriating there are not nearly enough vacancies for infants in licensed centres and the competition is intense what s awful is that the waiting lists are pretty much useless child care centres are much more likely to have a spot for you if you make a pain of yourself d...