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see the more i realize i seem to always be one layer away from weeping mornings this morning god woke me at 3 27am a bit random or maybe not it is in him that i find my solace there are times that i do not know what to say so i just soak i got to praying and repentance was on my heart i know most of us think this as a negative word as if we have done something wrong and we may have but it such a love word because it gives us the opportunity to make a different decision and choose him in whatever area he highlights as i was talking with the lord these words came out of me that just gave me the sweetest release god i repent for choosing myself over you oftentimes we go down a checklist of things to repent for but truthfully this one may be at the root of them all god we repent for choosing ourselves over you so before your day gets busy and other noises creep in i ask you to think about and acknowledge where you have chosen yourself your ideas your preferences etc over god and repent may those words bless you like they blessed me blessings always jc share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest more email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading 4 comments posted by jc on march 28 2020 in daily inspiration prayer tags corona virus forgive god heal love morning pandemic pray prayer quarantine repent repentance seek solitude worship the butterfly effect 18 may my favorite visitor are you in the midst of a transformation how challenging has it been isn t it interesting that when you believe you ve gotten a grasp on something god comes in and rearranges things specifically you we can get comfortable parenting a certain way teaching a certain way ministering a certain way executing at work a certain way and still need to transform into a better version of ourselves for some of us though it is not merely a better version of ourselves it s a complete overhaul of ourselves hence the name of this post as a young girl i was always fascinated with animals and nature my father obliged this curiosity and made all kinds of homemade trappings so that i could watch animals grow i would have little tadpoles and watch them progress as their tails shrunk and their legs grew to frogs watch birds sit on their eggs until they hatched watch ducklings follow their mother around and over time change their down feathers and color to look just like her but my favorite experience would always be the butterfly we would place the caterpillar in a breathable jar with twigs and leaves to eat i would excitedly check everyday to see what would happen i did not necessarily know the exact timing of the growth progression but one day the caterpillar was gone and a pupa chrysalis was hanging from one of the twigs it was brown and hard and i had absolutely no clue what was happening inside i kept checking every day and one morning in the jar would be a butterfly a beautiful butterfly i never knew what type of butterfly would come out of a particular caterpillar i just knew that the butterfly was always so beautiful as i reminisce on this i realize what fascinated and still fascinates me the most is the process the beginning and the end are so unalike and a butterfly can never be a caterpillar again god is desiring to change us but we are arguing in the process last year was a year of seeking for me i was unsatisfied and i was seeking god with fervor not exactly sure what i needed somewhere in that year my pastor told me that i was changed as is his habit he is usually further down the road in god s vision for us before we have caught up so i heard him but i did not necessarily believe it i asked the lord and he said i was a butterfly i had a gazillion questions what do you mean what do butterflies do how do butterflies know what to do how do they know what to eat and what eats them what does this mean etc then butterflies started showing up all over my yard screen door and door steps at the end of my seek my instruction came study the holy spirit i did and i am he has been the best teacher of what being a butterfly means for me and can i say everyday is a lesson oftentimes a new one but occasionally a recap of one that i missed he is the best and he is the advantage we have in any transformation i just want to encourage you to embrace the process even if you don t understand or see what it could be it is always beautiful on the other side what the caterpillar calls the end of the world the master calls the butterfly richard bach blessings always jc share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest more email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading leave a comment posted by jc on may 18 2019 in daily inspiration worship tags beautiful butterflies butterfly change god holy spirit love obedience pupa transformation haunting words 02 jan words bear fruit it is sooo good to be back writing again happy new year this blog post has been in my belly for a few weeks now i literally couldn t shake it off a few weeks ago my team investigated a case where a lady committed suicide it initially drew my attention because she was older and those aren t so common with older females but the words on the note she left stayed with me she left a note to the effect saying as a young girl i was told i would not amount to anything and those words have haunted me my entire life my heart broke for that little girl it broke for that seed that was planted and been watered over the years that was never plucked up and destroyed the mouth is a powerful tool and who ever said sticks and stones may hurt my bones but words can t hurt me lied the focal point for my church this month is discipline my mouth and it is a great focus to incorporate even as we start 2019 proverbs 18 is loaded with wisdom on how we should and should not use our mouth my favorite is proverbs 18 21 death and life are in the power of the tongue and those who love it will eat its fruits so whatever we say bears fruit what about when we say i was just joking there is no provision for careless words it all bears fruit some of our self talk is damaging and i know we say things innocently or perhaps ignorantly not knowing its spiritual impact i suck at math girl i m not good with money he s so bad you re a little trouble maker i m so behind i ll never catch up proverbs 18 20 went so far as to say that words satisfy the soul the right words on a person s lips brings satisfaction it is not only what you say but how you say what you say there are many wounded men and women little boys and girls all around us and as believers we need to speak life to things that glorify god and death to things that don t bring him glory my final thought is a prayer for us to not just see the flaws in each other but see destiny and purpose in each other that we will declare life over each other may god give you soothing words today even in times of anger amen what are your thoughts on this topic and are there words that you still remember to this day blessings jc share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest more email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading 2 comments posted by jc on january 2 2019 in daily inspiration tags death destiny fruit god haunting words love proverbs proverbs 18 provers 18 21 purpose suicide word words death 01 aug deny yourself dying sucks clearly i m not talking about a physical death even though that would be pretty cool since i am writing this but i am talking about the many spiritual deaths we must take each and every day mainly death to pride below is an excerpt from my very first blog post from four years ago four months ago i went on a minister s retreat with my church blessed harvest institute to the blue ridge mountains the name of the retreat was the ridgecrest conference center it was nestled in the mountains and exuded serenity we arrived at about 10pm or so on a thursday night and then had our first session at 2am on friday morning at the first session we were each asked what has our ministry cost us so far my answer was nothing i didn t feel as if i had lost or really given up anything for ministry at that point we took part in some more sessions and activities at the end of that friday night right before we went to dinner we were each offered a stack of turned down words and asked to pull one i pulled the word death i wasn t alarmed about my word because i am a homicide detective and i deal with death on a consistent basis i actually thought my word would pertain to something about work however we were told not to assume we knew what the word meant and to be open as we sat at dinner god whispered in my ear that the word death did not pertain to my job it was about me huh he said i needed to die to me self had to die now he couldn t use me the way he wanted to because of me i didn t realize that i had become my own stumbling block i had become complacent and didn t realize it selfishness had crept in disguised as me me wanting ministry to be comfortable me not wanting to be rejected me not wanting to be inconvenienced me not trusting him me concerned about what others thought me wanting my desires met me me me death to me when we are offended or as we put it bothered with someone something or some situation we hardly take the time to take a step back and see what we are contributing to the situation and even when we do we typically find a way to justify the stance or actions we ve taken what happens when that thought flashes or someone says you could have handled that a different way it s not about you why don t you apologize it doesn t matter who did what first stop rehearsing it because you are keeping it alive it s not worth it forgive it s been a while since i wrote literally a year to the day much has changed god has blessed our family with a new baby girl and i am truly walking in his favor this morning he reminded me of this word because it wasn t just relevant on that retreat four years ago it will be a constant process in my life and as i draw closer to him he will continually show me the things that have to die for me to be in his presence today i want to boldly tell you that it s not worth your soul to be unforgiving there is no need to live in strife and tension we must address situations quickly before they start festering and then stinking it s not worth your peace we can have peace at home peace at work peace at church peace wherever we go because most of all we can have peace on the inside so i share my word with you death what do you have to die to be honest have a blessed day blessings jc share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest more email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading 6 comments posted by jc on august 1 2017 in daily inspiration forgiveness tags death die dying forgive forgiveness god love ministry pride the other side of complaining 01 aug it s a choice what s not going right with you at the moment have you noticed how natural it is to always see the negative in every situation i didn t really realize how bad it was until a few months ago when i actually heard myself one whole day at work as i drove home that day i was just amazed at all the things i complained about this person didn t do this this person didn t do that my boss doesn t keep up with stuff how did i get assigned to do this it is so hot outside it is so cold in the office blah blah blah i mean it seemed like i had dedicated the whole day to complaining we complain about what s going wrong in our life and our relationships about our spouse and our children our family and friends our job our bodies and some of us have a constant gripe about things that we have experienced in the past seeing the whole world through the speckled glasses of that complaint not to minimize any grievance but no one is worth years of committing ourselves to a negative mindset if we took a day just to listen to ourselves at our choice of words which in turn shows our choice of perspective we will be amazed at how our attitude is hindering our altitude about 2 months ago i started a gratitude journal that i journal in every day my prayer was that god helped me to make gratitude my default setting i had to force myself to go against that natural grain of seeing the negative and finding that spark of positivity in every single thing i asked god to help me get to the other side of complaining to see the positive and hear the positive to choose to live in a state of gratitude that s the other side of complaining give every situation a second look and find the gratitude spot my prayer for you today is that in the midst of any disappointment and delay remember that no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly that god is faithful even when we are not that gratitude turns what we have into enough blessings always jc share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest more email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading 4 comments posted by jc on august 1 2016 in daily inspiration prayer tags complaining complaint god grateful gratitude happiness journal joy love peace perspective thanks thanksgiving the epitome of a stepdaddy 05 jul moving up to high school excuse me scott are you married no good cause my mommy needs a husband this was the conversation nine years ago when my now husband came to my house to have dinner with me and my daughter for the first time the ground could have opened up and swallowed me whole and all i could muster to say was i did not tell her to say that katana was only five years old at the time and i managed not to choke on my homemade macaroni and cheese broccoli and fried chicken i still remember the exact meal i was a single mom at the time having gone through a divorce from her biological father i was dealing with all the emotions that comes with i did not want a failed marriage i did not want to be a single mother didn t want to be a stereotype but i had...