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eww thoughts appear home 30 before 30 35 before 35 about thoughts appear tag archives eww october 7 2016 moment of truth no i don t actually want to be a vampire by thoughtsappear i told my husband he s never allowed to go business travel ever again ever because something always happens while he s gone that i am not equipped to deal with don t want to handle first the boys clogged a toilet another trip another toilet then the basement flooded a foot or so of water that s not even the worst okay technically it was the worst because stuff was ruined and it was expensive to fix the worst was a flippin bat in our bedroom in the around 5 am i wish i had reacted like this but no i reacted like this please just don t get in my hair i screamed i m don t want to be a vampire anymore a whisper scream because scout s room is right across the room from ours and waking the baby is never an option and ran out of the room i did pause to pull scout s bedroom door shut read motherly instinct to save the baby in my panic i did have some coherent thoughts such as vampires don t like light so turn on all the lights maybe the bat is bill compton and i can reason with him isn t a bat just a mouse with wings maybe esme kitty will catch it the answer is no my lazy cat will not catch it black cats don t catch other evil creatures because they re on the same team call dad yes that s right even women in their mid 30s need their dads sometimes then the bat flew into the living room i couldn t wait for my dad and i had to take matters into my own hands with a few mission impossible esque somersaults i made it to the front and back doors and opened them after 5 minutes of taking cover from a bat that didn t like ceiling fans and more whispering screaming from me the bat finally made it outside 13 comments tags animal eww humor life movies one hot vampire posted in ewww september 4 2014 i knew it even babies hate pumpkins by thoughtsappear it s that time of year pumpkin flavor has returned nooooooooooooooooooo have you seen the 16 reasons you should never reenact pinterest photos there s a special section on pumpkins ick and babies awwww never will i ever put scout in a pumpkin here s why these poor poor babies not one of them looks happy they re all crying except for the third one from the top but i think that s only because he was put in last and he s still a little dazed or he has an escape plan so remember this picture the next time you see a pumpkin just say no 21 comments tags baby eww halloween humor life pumpkins are gross posted in baby june 3 2014 my dog ate your bird oops by thoughtsappear last week i blogged about the downside to being a stay at home mom which is killing bugs yourself instead of having your husband do it there is another downside dealing with birds ozzy pups caught a bird in our backyard it was only a matter of time before this happened he s fast jumps high and our neighbors feed all the birds and squirrels constantly so they re fat and slow ozzy may have killed a squirrel last summer but because i didn t actually see it happen i just tell myself the squirrel fell from a tree the fall killed it and ozzy just found him a wounded bleeding bird was in my backyard i swear the bird looked exactly like this book and all i should have celebrated and chalked up a point for me in the war against birds but instead i felt bad for it so what did i do i called kiefer so he could come home and kill it to put it out of its misery not because i hate birds he refused so i gave the bird some water and kept ozzy inside to save the bird from further torment two hours later the bird flew away i m not sure how because i m pretty sure there were more feathers in the yard than on the bird three hours later my car was covered in bird poo coincidence i think not 14 comments tags birds are evil eww humor life ozzy sahm battles posted in animals may 27 2014 stay at home mom battles bugs and wins by thoughtsappear scout is just over 3 months old and i love staying home to take care of her and soak up as much of her cuteness as possible but being at home also stinks here s why bugs i hate bugs all of them and last week they teamed up on me never have i ever been stung by a bee so i m especially scared of them because i am terrified by the unknown i mean look at childbirth i d never been through that before and that was awful i m sure bee stings are equally as awful so the bee is buzzing around the kitchen window i wish the bee looked this friendly i decided to grab some paper towels to wrap around my hand to protect it so i could reach next to the bee to unlatch and open the window one problem there was a spider on the paper towels seriously seriously a bee and a spider at the same time life is so unfair i ve read scary stores to tell in the dark and i know what happens when spiders bite you this so i had a choice to make bee sting or spider bite i decided to take on the bee sans paper towel shield luckily the bee flew out the window without a stinging incident then i ripped off the paper towel and dropped it in the trash and took it outside but that s the downside to being a stay at home mom you have to risk your life to take care of the creepy crawlies yourself 28 comments tags books eww humor life scout posted in animals may 14 2014 self flushing toilets a woman s worst enemy by thoughtsappear i recently decided not to return to work so i can stay home with scout now that s she s smiling sans gas i don t want to miss one second of her cuteness i ll miss my coworkers but one thing i will not miss is the work restroom specifically the self flushing toilets i don t really understand self flushing toilets are people so lazy they really can t be bothered to flush a toilet just to be clear you just press down so an engineer decided to take out his anger at nonflushing people on all of us the engineer said you know what would be funny if the toilet flushed randomly giving people everywhere wet bottoms the toilets at my work flush without warning and they flush with such force that water sprays up all over the toilet seat if you re lucky and all over your behind if you re unlucky while i was pregnant it was even worse i d run to the bathroom heaving with morning sickness and while i was leaning over the toilet it would flush so i d have to jump up mid gag to avoid a face full of toilet water thank goodness i only had morning sickness the first trimester in the third trimester there d have been no jumping up oooooooor maybe self flushing toilets aren t because of lazy people maybe it has something to do with germs some genius said people touch the toilet handle with dirty hands so let s have it flush automatically if that s the case why doesn t the stall door open automatically imagine the trouble that would cause bathroom stall doors opening randomly midpee it would be chaos but a wet tushie that s so much better favorite comment from last post those were the days now people look at you funny when you bring your 9 year old into the comfy chair breastfeeding room haters pegoleg 20 comments tags baby eww faucet butt humor life scout posted in ewww older entries email subscription enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email email address sign me up join 14 2k other subscribers twitter updates tweets by thoughtsyappear facebook recent posts moment of truth no i don t actually want to be a vampire fried green tomatoes the secret to time travel the safest way to wish someone a happy s mother s day choosy dogs choose jif blogher 30 before 30 35 before 35 animal baby blarney blog blog crushes books boo radley brother cabana boy cancer cat causes chocolate christmas cookies crack cruise cupcakes did you just call me fat eww family fashion fitness food future husband greece halloween how i met your mother how to humor ice cream kiefer sutherland letters life love man vs cat marriage mars and venus mephistopheles miscarriage money movies movies teach us music netflix nyc ozzy people i want to punch in the face pete pod people pop tarts princess puddin pumpkins are gross quotes rants relationships ring scout sex snow special forces sports travel turbo slut tv vodka why i gain 5 pounds every winter wolf writing yogi castle chronicles you can buy my friendship with ice cream zombie blogroll jen e sais quoi accidental stepmom alone with cats blurt bluzdude clay baboons clay morgan cocktails at tiffany s confessions of cornfed girl does this make my blog look fat fear no weebles fix it or deal go jules go goodbye whoopie pie hippie cahier aka the hipster hoody hoo late to the party misty s laws nikitaland pearls and prose simply solo the aluminum foiled my plans the cheeky bride the flying chalupa the unabridged girl thy polarlife todd pack s messy desk tomorrow is another day subscribe to rss blog at wordpress com subscribe subscribed thoughts appear join 14 221 other subscribers sign me up already have a wordpress com 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