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Text of the page (random words):
e probably chuckling as they read it bat bait from hell the secret bait smelled like someone had deep fried roadkill in a port a potty it had guano female bat bits and who knows what else what it attracted was regret if you build it they won t come not only did no bats ever show up but the ones perky bought hit the florida sky like their tails were on fire and never looked back you know it s bad when an animal that sleeps upside down in caves says nah i got standards local laughter and legends folks took to calling the whole thing perky s folly and they weren t wrong some people even say the florida skunk ape our swampy version of bigfoot shook the tower one night and scared off the bats for good honestly i d believe it the accidental birdhouse years later ospreys took over the top of the tower bats wouldn t touch it but fish hawks apparently thought it was the penthouse suite meanwhile the tower sat in the middle of a mosquito swamp that s what we call dramatic irony folks what s left of this bat brained dream the tower stood there like a stubborn drunk uncle at a family reunion weathered slightly crooked and refusing to leave hurricanes came and went but the bat tower stayed standing almost out of spite until 2017 that s when hurricane irma finally took it down for good flattened it like a pancake but the legend lives on perky s bat tower still shows up in books blogs and barstool conversations as a shining example of what happens when optimism runs face first into reality it s a story of one man one bad idea and a tower full of guano scented dreams and that my friends is why you don t fight mosquitoes with bat voodoo and a bucket of stink from the brain of brett minor at 3 08 am 2 people said labels bats history poop wednesday may 21 2025 you can t scare me i ate fugu and yelled at a mountain two more bucket list items have officially been conquered and this time i had to leave the country risk death by dinner and wake up early on purpose to do it i just returned from japan where i successfully crossed off 82 eat fugu pufferfish 17 personally photograph mount fuji fugu me fugu you for the uninitiated fugu is the japanese delicacy that might be your last meal if the chef screws up it s prepared from a pufferfish that contains enough poison to turn your nervous system into a windows 95 shutdown sequence it is 1 200 times more lethal than cyanide and has enough tetrodotoxin to kill 30 men or 12 baby elephants and there is no known antidote if you get a bad batch not even an industrial drum of pepto will save you in japan only licensed chefs are allowed to prepare it because oops i left a speck of death on your plate isn t a great yelp review naturally i was in and yes i know the odds of dying from fugu are astronomically low these days but when you ve built your entire personality around crossing off strange bucket list items you don t pass on the opportunity to eat something that comes with a side of potential autopsy in case you are wondering here is what happens if the chef sneezes while preparing the dish tingling lips and face starts like mild novocaine you think how quirky no it s doom knocking numbness spreads lips then face fingers toes your body is clocking out while your brain is like wait what muscle paralysis begins arms and legs go limp you are now a floppy meat puppet loss of motor function can t stand can t lift your arm can t even flail for dramatic effect slurred or halted speech your mouth forgets how to be a mouth you try to say call an ambulance but it comes out as glorble blarp diaphragm paralysis breathing that was fun while it lasted your lungs are officially on strike heart rate drops your ticker is slowing like it just saw monday on the calendar complete paralysis you can t move can t blink you are essentially a conscious potato full awareness remains intact you feel everything you hear everything you know you re dying but your body s like sorry bro we re closed death by suffocation not dramatic choking just a slow silent fade as oxygen stops making the rounds while your still working brain mentally screams into the void fugu because nothing says fine dining like watching your own slow motion shutdown while everyone else is instagramming their appetizers i went to a legit spot in kyoto not some back alley sushi shack run by a guy named gary who once watched a youtube video on pufferfish i went to watanabeya 海鮮処 わたなべや this place had a certificate on the wall i think i don t know japanese a stone faced chef with terrifying knife skills and a menu written entirely in kanji so i assume it said eat at your own risk brett they did have an english menu but it only had about 12 things on it and none of it was fugu i had to ask the waitress if they had it she repeated my apparently butchered pronunciation about ten times just to make sure she wasn t about to serve me fermented horse liver hai hai fugu yes she gave me this she pointed at two items this fugu this fugu and left me there to decide my fate using my handy dandy google translate camera i saw that one was grilled and one was hot pot now i like hot pot but i just wanted to eat the death fish not a soup that had toxic fish in it i placed my order along with a couple of beers to get mentally prepared for this i was psyched but then the waitress came back to make it worse wait i have to cook the grim reaper fish myself was it good sure but also not not rubbery honestly it tasted like tilapia that went to college and got a philosophy degree not bad but you re mostly eating it to say you ate it like escargot or airport sushi the highlight wasn t the taste it was the drama every bite came with just enough existential spice to make me rethink my life choices and it was worth every paranoid chew mount fuji now featuring me in the frame the second item on the list was much less dangerous but way more majestic mount fuji has been on my bucket list since i first learned what a bucket list was i ve seen a million photos of it but i wanted one that i took something that said i was there i aimed my cheap tourist camera at greatness and i didn t drop it in a koi pond now if you re planning to see mount fuji here s something the brochures don t tell you she s a diva fuji hides behind clouds like she s contractually obligated to only appear for national geographic photographers or people who didn t fly across the world just for her when i first saw it after getting off the bus i snapped a quick shot do you see it yeah me neither but it was there i swear i saw it many many times over the next few days but the best shot was the evening of the next day there she was towering symmetrical snow capped and absolutely perfect it looked like someone reached into a painting and hit print i stood there for a good 20 minutes snapping photos just in case she changed her mind and disappeared again like some geologically massive ghost so that s two more off the list i ve eaten a potential death fish like a daring contestant on fear factor sushi edition i ve personally photographed one of the most iconic mountains on earth without having to google why is it cloudy at mount fuji that brings me to a total of 14 completed bucket list items out of 171 and i m not stopping now stay tuned because eventually i m going to run with the bulls bathe in a volcano or build a robot that teaches itself to yodel no promises on the order you can see the complete list here from the brain of brett minor at 10 14 am 4 people said labels adventure challenge death fear food goals japan restaurant travel vacation thursday may 1 2025 cold feet severed heads and lobster pots the chilling realities of cryonics gone wrong so you ve decided you want to cheat death good for you while the rest of us are rotting in the dirt like commoners you ll be off in a nitrogen powered nap pod waiting for the future to invent a cure for being really really dead enter cryonics the totally not a scam industry that promises your grandkids can defrost you like a salisbury steak and have brunch with your thawed corpse in 2173 sorry pop pop we ran out of frozen peas but before you sign away your life s savings and your brain pan let s take a moment to appreciate what happens when cryonics goes exactly as well as you think it would when run by tv repairmen monkey wrench wielding interns and feuding russian divorcees 1 the chatsworth catastrophe nine popsicles and a tv repairman back in the groovy 1970s a guy named robert nelson whose qualifications included not being a scientist decided to start freezing dead people he stuffed nine corpses into a crypt in chatsworth california and left them there like unlabeled leftovers then the money ran out the liquid nitrogen ran out and shocker the bodies also ran out of structural integrity when the vault was opened years later what they found wasn t the future of immortality it was the walking dead crock pot edition maggot buffet meltdown city if you ve ever left a bag of shrimp in your trunk for a week you re halfway to understanding the smell and yes he got sued and yes he lost and no he never paid a dime but hey the dream lives on just not the people read it and weep 2 the frozen head homicide dora kent and the great coroner showdown in 1987 sweet little dora kent was on her way out so naturally the folks at alcor did the logical thing waited until she died and then chopped off her head except the coroner smelled something fishy and it wasn t just the head in a bucket toxicology reports showed sedatives in her system the coroner accused alcor of euthanizing her early to get that brain nice and fresh a swat style raid ensued they tried to seize her head for autopsy alcor responded by hiding it like it was the hope diamond you know it s bad when a legal document has to use the phrase custody of the cranium eventually charges were dropped mostly because the prosecution realized that thawing the head would technically kill her again and that s just bad optics seriously this happened 3 ted williams baseball legend freezer burn casualty you d think if anyone could get the deluxe treatment it d be the boston red sox ted freakin williams instead alcor popped his head off like a bottle cap and dropped it in a lobster pot yes really according to a whistleblower his brain cracked like a sidewalk in winter and an employee took batting practice on his head with a monkey wrench just to lighten the mood his family fought over whether he wanted this in the first place his son said yes his daughter said no alcor said we already put the head in storage sooooo whether you loved him for his batting average or just really enjoy sports themed decapitations the story will stick with you especially the part about brain fractures see the horror 4 mary robbins granny s head vs her kids mary robbins signed up to have her head frozen which already makes family holidays weird but after she died her kids said she changed her mind alcor said yeah no signed contract they showed up to the funeral parlor to collect her noggin while the family screamed bloody murder a judge agreed with alcor her head went off to join the frozen gang leaving behind a family that now has to argue over who gets to put flowers on the neckless gravestone legal tug of war over a frozen granny head 5 whileon chay the ponzi scheme that froze his wife whileon chay didn t just commit financial fraud he committed romantic financial fraud he stole 5 million from investors and used part of it to cryogenically preserve his dead wife because nothing says eternal love like felony embezzlement he fled the country when the feds closed in his wife is still on ice paid for by duped retirees who thought they were investing in gold turns out the only thing gold plated was the tank holding mrs chay s brain money well stolen 6 dr laurence pilgeram don t lose your head over legal loopholes dr pilgeram paid for whole body cryonics he wanted to wake up someday with all his limbs presumably to flip the bird at mortality but when he died and his body was found too late alcor went for plan b remove the head cremate the body and mail the ashes to his son his son sued hard claimed alcor violated the contract and decapitated daddy against his wishes he wanted the head back alcor said nope the head is ours now imagine this you open a box expecting flowers and find your dad s torso in dust form if that s not grounds for therapy i don t know what is dad s head mailed ashes and a lawsuit 7 js the teenager who froze her way into the law books at 14 js was dying of cancer and wanted to be cryopreserved her dad said no the court said shut up dad and gave full control to the mother the father was worried he d be stuck footing the bill but the judge clarified that he wouldn t be charged for the braincicle nice gesture the grandparents scraped together the cash and now js is chilling in michigan somewhere there s a teenager s head in a vat of nitrogen waiting for someone to invent time travel medicine and yes a judge actually ruled this was fine frozen teen breaks legal ice 8 russia s frozen body heist cryo gone spy in the most metal breakup ever russian cryonics founders danila medvedev and valeriya udalova got divorced and turned the fallout into a frozen corpse custody war udalova showed up at the facility with bolt cutters and a u haul stole several frozen bodies and brains and spilled liquid nitrogen all over the parking lot like it was a mario kart power up police stopped her truck dewars clanking brains jostling and they still had to argue in court over who legally owns the dead because apparently you can fight over your ex s brain hoard seriously russia so yeah cryonics not just a science fiction fantasy it s also a deeply disturbing legally complicated sometimes criminal occasionally headless mess of a hope still want to freeze your grandma make sure her head s got tsa clearance and no one in the family has a wrench gift cards now available at wal mart and cvs from the brain of brett minor at 11 33 am 4 people said labels cold death doctor family health medicine wednesday april 30 2025 hermione granger is actually matilda wormwood and i will die on this hill look i m not saying that j k rowling and roald dahl conspired together in a secret underground british author bunker to craft the ultimate magical girl origin story but i m also not not saying that because once you actually look at the evidence and i mean really look at it like a conspiracy theorist squinting at red string on a corkboard while chugging a capri sun the only logical conclusion is that matilda wormwood didn t fade quietly into bookish obscurity she just packed up her psychic lunchbox and became hermione granger yes that hermione hogwarts hermione time turner hermione it s levi o sa not levio sa hermione same person different haircut exhibit a magic check childhood trauma double check matilda wormwood a child so gifted she was basically born clutching a copy of war and peace develops the abili...