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couple minutes before picking him up stopping to analyze the situation and determine whether baby really needs feeding or is just trying to settle himself this is like what i do already m starts crying at 6 a m i turn off the monitor and pause for five minutes also known as desperately try to cram in more sleep allowing him to self soothe and learn to cope with his own frustration obviously this isn t a cure all for babes with sleep problems but i would be curious to try this technique if we have kid 2 2 it provides lots of tips and tricks for getting your kid to eat stinky cheese and charred eggplant and whatever else you plonk on the table long story short no snacking and start offering the camembert early this was kind of enlightening for me because i feel like we were encouraged very early to plump our baby up as much as possible and that chubby healthy because of this i d been shoving food in m s mouth every hour all in hopes that he d be on track for his next weigh in at the doctor s office but also so that he d be full enough by evening to sleep 12 hours without any food or breastmilk now at almost 9 months old we re sticking to the every four hours rule and he seems just fine with it he s still not touching the eggplant and most of the food ends up on the floor but i m trying to be patient and adopt the whole european que sera ie lazy attitude here 3 the author basically calls for a crackdown on this weird trend of treating one s child as a colleague or collaborator asking them if they could please not bite daddy while he changes your diaper as if this is optional or attributing a temper tantrum to a child s energetic nature implying that it s out of anyone s ability to control i m all for giving kids options and involving them in decision making but i want m to understand that ultimately i m in charge here ed note obviously i reserve the right to drastically alter this stance when my kid is 2 years old and i ve turned into a pushover apparently the key to establishing authority is to employ the big eyes technique opening your eyes wide like an owl on crack and maybe even twitching one eyelid slightly while you shoot don t you even dare daggers from them loving daggers of course so has anyone else here read this book thoughts criticisms and are there any other parenting books that you d recommend ideally ones that have a sense of humour and can be flipped through during naps and other short bursts of freedom and for good measure here is my child behaving like a perfect well read french citizen posted in uncategorized 12 replies easy peasy lemon squeezy elimination communication posted on june 24 2014 by vanessa 14 well if there was any seminal life accomplishment that was going to convince me to start updating this blog again it was my kid taking a shit in the bathtub insert more sincere apologies here about neglecting this space and follow up with a few obnoxious humble braggy excuses relating to how little time there is when you have a baby etc etc so it turns out i have an 8 month old in this time i ve enjoyed many new life experiences it s rare that something 100 new and unfamiliar happens when you re in your mid thirties which is why it s so damn exciting to like grow a human in your uterus and give birth but changing diapers done before feeding another person done being woken up repeatedly throughout the night done buying stuff i don t really need on amazon done hence it was with great excitement when a total first happened recently max pooped in the bathtub fine it was pretty gross but also kind of hilarious and it gave me a brand new challenge ie cleaning poop out of the tub which i ve never had to do before even in my drunkest of college days i m going to spare you those details let s just cut to the following night when max was in the tub and i heard the telltale grunting it became our first attempt at elimination communication and was a complete success so here i present my easy peasy guide to accomplishing this in case you want some inspiration 1 make sure your baby knows what poo is do this by holding a soiled diaper in front of him and gesticulating to it as vanna white would explaining that this fine specimen he produced using the powers of his intestinal tract and a momentary burst of concentration is called simply poo slight variations in colour and tone may occur from day to day but generally speaking it s the same shit 2 feed your baby a large meal washed down with some breastfeeding or formula then insert baby into a warm bath wait 3 listen for pushing grunting noises and watch for physical straining of any kind and or a slight protrusion of the stomach 4 as soon as this happens hoist baby out of the tub and throw him on the toilet and clutch his dripping wet and probably getting cold torso and keep saying poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo over and over 5 when baby starts to poo say good job and kiss him on the forehead demonstrating affection while the turd is still technically on its way out may feel slightly awkward but get over it your baby is pooping in the toilet like a grown ass man screw diapers 6 take high res photo of poop in toilet with your fancy iphone 5 and send it to husband who is currently travelling and therefore will see this first thing in the morning before he s had breakfast mission accomplished you re welcome this was obviously inspired by mom spelled backwards recent how to guides which are much funnier posted in uncategorized 14 replies eight weeks in posted on december 4 2013 by vanessa 23 holy crapballs how do any of you new moms have time or hands to blog i ve opened up wordpress a dozen times and it s only now almost eight weeks after max s birth that i m able to do a quick update i was going to elaborate on his birth story but you know what forget it blah blah c sections are intense blah blah that s kinda the gist of it ok now before he wakes up and realizes he s pooped himself here are a few more current pics of the little man in the first 8 weeks post birth the two of us have walked through the park with other stroller moms and not been called out for being a fraud or even looked at funny breastfed in an art gallery attended fancy dinner parties at friends houses had brunch at a restaurant like an actual restaurant taken the suv stroller into rather tiny shops and cafés survived two weeks of daddy being away projectile shat on two of mommy s girlfriends um that was not me the babe has received mail addressed to him and i opened it which i guess was maybe illegal technically gotten a social security number and health card been hashtagged on social media taken lots of baths conquered a yeast infection what boys yes and peed on a variety of objects he s transitioned into cloth diapers has started smiling and cooing and staring at high contrast images then again he s also been known to stare at the blank wall next to the change table for minutes on end so who knows maybe he ll be a paste eater after all likes being in his wrap carrier the hairdryer running water stretching both arms up over his head upon waking from a nap excessive bouncing dislikes his adorable shark hat kisses sleeping in the bassinet classical music longest stretch of continual sleep to date 5 ish hours breastfeeding like a champ this kid will suck on anything pacifiers bottles nipples fingers and more just kidding not more questions on my mind i want to get on board with this sleep training stuff early is this really a thing to be anal about or should i let the kid figure out his own rhythm when do i start and what books do i need to read can they be short books comment below and help a momma out i know we re far away from introducing solids but how do i do that do you still start with rice cereal what s this about introducing one new thing every few days can t i just blend together a sandwich diaper rash how do you prevent it other than frequent nappy changes and zinc cream and naked time read disaster waiting to happen hello ok that is all for now at least i have to go check in on some of you ladies stupid stork burnt toast especially who ve had some miraculous successes in your ivf journeys so damn exciting posted in uncategorized 23 replies introducing posted on october 20 2013 by vanessa 40 this kid always full of surprises i ll cut to the chase we had our beautiful baby boy his name is max and everyone is healthy and elated but of course my dearest babe had to keep us on our toes right up until delivery as you all know i was scheduled to have a c section with my amazing ob on wednesday well on the sunday before canadian thanksgiving i was woken up at 7 a m with a crazy ass painful contraction it lasted a couple minutes then passed and i thought to myself man i hope that was just a one off thing cause it would really be a shame to miss out on turkey dinner tonight i rolled over in bed felt the little guy move which reassured me and then my water broke i was all pee lots of pee fuck fuck definitely not pee ran to the bathroom cleaned myself up woke my husband called triage finished packing my bag and bolted to the hospital in 8 minutes flat once there it was determined that i was 1 cm dilated and also that there was meconium in the water this coupled with the fact that i was now having contractions quite frequently all led to a c section happening about three hours later with an ob who looked to be about 19 years old the c section really deserves its own separate post for a routine procedure it s an insane experience that i just did not anticipate from the massive operating room to being strapped jesus style on a cross shaped table to a robust team of at least 10 doctors and nurses and other specialists to the side effects of shaking uncontrollably dry heaving weeping and feeling totally unprepared to actually meet my baby scared shitless that i wouldn t love him at first sight aaaaaanyway it all went smoothly otherwise spent two nights in the recovery ward with a fantastic team of caregivers that made me get all warm and fuzzy about canadian healthcare breastfeeding has blessedly been a cinch right from the get go i m healing pretty quickly and weirdly i could have been that annoying woman who s able to walk out of the hospital in skinny jeans my stomach is actually flatter than it was before i got pregnant the nurse said five minutes after they stitched me up you re bikini ready and i have no idea how or why but hey i ll take it as an aside now that i think back on it i should have known that our kid would arrive on the 13th regardless of when we scheduled the c section for it s kind of our lucky number with hubby s birthday falling on sept 13th our wedding on aug 13th and max first making his presence known with two pink lines on a pregnancy test on feb 13th as for it coinciding with thanksgiving well it s only appropriate i can t think of anything to be more thankful for than a healthy baby boy in my arms will update again soon but for now am trying to use every spare minute to sleep there are so many of you who are at such critical times in your ivf cycles or pregnancies and i m desperate to get back to reading blogging but for now i gotta max out posted in uncategorized 40 replies c section booked posted on october 11 2013 by vanessa 24 well it seems mine to command infertile first mom and two adults one child all came the closest to guessing when i d deliver you all put in bets for somewhere between 38 and 39 weeks my ob has decided that i may as well go ahead with this c section next wednesday oct 16 when i ll be 39 weeks exactly so assuming nothing problematic happens before then you can all mark your calendars because i am that important in all of your lives i should point out too that while oct 16 may seem like a rather boring day on which to be born it turns out that junior will forever share his birthday with wait for it national feral cat day this year s theme architects of change with five days to go until knock on wood spit everywhere i have an actual baby in my arms i can t help but reflect on how insane it is that we re finally here that i m living a life that includes a big round belly a bassinet in our bedroom conversations about diapering prenatal classes and so forth it s a world i truly wasn t sure i d ever get to inhabit and while i have at times gotten carried away with it and other times been blasé about it i have never ever taken it for granted when i was in triage recently having my blood drawn the nurse was stressed and distracted and started talking to a doctor while she was jabbing my arm she realized that she d fucked it up and that i d be left with a nasty bruise she was right as evidenced by this poor quality photo i shrugged and said don t worry about it then she started tsk ing and apologizing and warning me that it was going to get worse and could be quite sore and so forth in the end i was like girl i can guarantee that whatever the heck happens to my arm is nothing compared to the shit i ve been through to get to this point in my pregnancy i would happily start each day falling down a flight of stairs and getting covered in bruises if it meant i could be and stay pregnant ok i may not have said these exact words nor referred to the nurse as girl but you get the gist i think every woman who s gone through the torture of infertility would have the exact same reaction as i did upon being told that something might leave a bruise like seriously whatevs anyway oct 16 is fast approaching and before i get sucked into a vortex of bahhh look at my baby omg life is amazeballs i d like to pause for a moment and say a humble thanks to all of you bloggy friends for being here with me through this journey from the grossness of neon blue estrace leaking out of my lady bits to the challenge of seeing how fast i could administer my own shots then to the sheer elation of seeing those two pink lines which remains the highlight of my entire pregnancy frankly and then the panic of not quite doubling betas a bleeding episode that led to me cackling euphorically on the bathroom floor when i realized it was coming from my bum hole and then further worry over echogenic bowel and the possibility that our fetus had cystic fibrosis and then finally to now when we re about to bring what appears to be a perfectly average perfectly healthy 7 pound boy into the world it means a lot to have this support even when it s just a little comment here or there from a stranger on the interwebs oscar acceptance speech over so stay tuned next week for exciting news and if you have any tips when it comes to c section recovery feel free to share i vaguely remember some of you talking about milk of magnesia or something to help prevent constipation and the importance of getting up and walking rather than lying in bed the whole time can y all remind me posted in uncategorized 24 replies god bless drugs posted on october 7 2013 by vanessa 22 i named this blog yeah science because i am constan...