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cd 1 again skip to main skip to sidebar cd 1 again tuesday may 14 2019 hello and goodbye hello there i m not sure anyone is still out there reading blogs or many people still writing them either it s been 2 5 years since my last post in that time i turned 40 watched my step daughter leave for college and finished my journey of infertility by deciding to not pursue parenthood of another child that 1 step daughter was enough yet i left this blog here unfinished and without an end so this post it it the official end of this little blog of mine i m grateful for the support of the community i found through my struggle with infertility i ve found valuable friendships and learned my own strength the end while bittersweet in that we never had a child together is not sad at least it isn t sad in the way it seemed a decade ago before i found that being me without a baby was ok that i didn t need a baby to be whole thank you to everyone who ever stopped here and said hi or offered support when i was at my lowest so sure i was worthless because my uterus didn t work it meant more than i can ever convey here with just words i looked back and the anguish i read in old posts just hurts but it helped shape who i am now i m leaving all of the posts here for anyone who needs them someday someone else will maybe need to see that they are not alone even if it feels that way so with this i say goodbye to this blog and best wishes from me to you wherever you are please know that you are not alone even if we have never met i m thinking of you because i was once there too know that you are loved and you are enough no matter what i hope your own journey will bring you peace goodbye my friends love april posted by april at 12 33 pm 2 comments wednesday december 7 2016 love actually i m sitting here watching it again tonight for the first time i m noticing how dated a lot of it is the reference to 9 11 the vhs tape colin firth without gray hair but i still love the movie it s part of my christmas tradition every much as white christmas is tonight it s my refuge from the insanity of the season it s an oasis in the middle of tech week for nutcracker and all of the holiday prep i should be doing instead of watching a movie i wonder what happened to all of the couples after the movie ended did they have their happily ever afters or did their stories end in heartbreak and sadness and how much fun did rowan atkinson have with the gift wrap scene may you find a break if you can during this holiday season from our house to yours happy holidays posted by april at 6 30 pm no comments tuesday november 1 2016 looking forward j received her acceptance letter to her first choice college yesterday she is over the moon and looking forward to moving to the other side of the state and almost 6 hours away i m starting to think about what life is going to be like without her commitments during the week and weekends the problem is that i ve forgotten what it was like before my life was intertwined with hers i m not sure where i m heading next year i don t know if i want to go back to school and finish my degree or maybe find a new hobby maybe i ll look for a career change i know i have a whole world open to me but i m not sure of my place anymore somehow i ve become just j s step mom another of the moms sitting at dance class i used to do plays perform as part of an orchestra we would go out for dinner go see movies spend time with family it seems so long ago and just like yesterday all at the same time but without the parent label i m afraid of being nothing a remnant of myself how do i find myself again posted by april at 6 58 pm no comments tuesday august 16 2016 the beginning of the end today i registered j for dance for the last time in just under 2 weeks she starts her senior year she knows where she wants to go to college and what she wants to major in next year she is learning to drive and has her permit i m begging for the days to go slower for the year to not rush by so quickly i have no idea what i m going to do after she graduates some days i say i ll go back to school and finish my degree or maybe i ll change careers and become a disney travel agent after all i love disney what i don t want to do is become a sad person who is so lost they can t find who they are anymore i ve been there that was me during infertility so here s my challenge to myself i m going to start looking at what to do as an actual grown up i ll happily take suggestions i have a year left and then the nest will be empty it s time to start thinking of myself again posted by april at 7 02 pm no comments saturday april 23 2016 hi i feel as if i should say that i m not dead because i m not not really there s so much that i could and should fill you in on for the last three years but the reality is i ve walked away from the space i walked away from this blog we haven t adopted we haven t gotten pregnant in just over a year j will go off to college and then i ll be an empty nester at the ripe old age of 40 i m not sure where the next phase of life is going to take me i never thought i d not have children of my own i never pictured this as my life part of me wants to rant and rail at the heavens over the unfairness of it all but i know that doesn t help and won t change the reality that it didn t happen for us there was no magic fix not happy ending the truth is that i still mourn the children i ll never have the future i didn t get the one with the 2 3 perfect children and the house with the picket fence okay the house does have a picket fence but it doesn t have the children when i stepped away it was just supposed to be temporary i was only going to take a month or so off from posting instead it s stretched into almost 3 years now i find myself thinking of the next stage and how to move forward i m not taking this space down but i am going to repurpose it eventually i see a space sharing the adventures of a pair of young empty nesters a place where perhaps i can find myself again posted by april at 10 39 am 3 comments thursday june 13 2013 a reflection after almost 6 years on august 18th i married my best friend the day was beautiful the groom so very handsome in his tux in my opinion and i felt like a princess that s what everyone wants to hear in reality p and i weren t sure if we were going to be able to have our wedding outside as we planned that my dress would be at the shop for me to pick up after a few last minute alterations that the food at the reception would be edible and that our friend who volunteered to both do the videopraphy for our wedding and dj the reception would be able to make everything work out we did get to have our outdoor wedding and it was beautiful the day was gorgeous few decorations were needed and he did look handsome to me my dress was finished on time but barely i picked it up the day that we left to head to the wedding p tech directed our wedding and set up all of the sound equipment both at the ceremony site and at the reception hall the food was fabulous and even now we still get complements on it the cake was beautiful and tasty the video still hasn t arrived and never will because the footage was horrible the same thing with the djing at the reception if i had that to do over again i d micro manage and set out a play list for him to play however the end result was that we got married and have been happily married for almost 6 years despite the things that i can look back on and cringe over and the things i look back on and celebrate i wouldn t have wanted the day to go too much differently it was one of the best days of my life say i do to measure of love http tinyurl com measureofloveamazon posted by april at 12 10 pm no comments my wedding with the measure of love contest i wanted to show a picture of the day p and i got married this is actually from our entrance to the reception it will be 6 years this summer since we said i do say i do to measure of love http tinyurl com measureofloveamazon posted by april at 12 01 pm no comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom about me april i ve been trying to find something witty to put here but i m just me i read crochet weave chain maille and play music join me on my journey through adventures in daily life view my complete profile followers blog archive 2019 1 may 1 hello and goodbye 2016 4 december 1 november 1 august 1 april 1 2013 6 june 3 may 2 april 1 2012 17 november 1 october 2 august 1 july 2 june 1 april 2 march 2 february 2 january 4 2011 41 november 1 october 1 september 2 august 5 july 5 june 3 may 3 april 5 march 7 february 3 january 6 2010 79 december 6 november 3 october 4 september 7 august 5 july 11 june 8 may 8 april 9 march 6 february 5 january 7 2009 47 december 3 november 6 october 2 september 4 august 5 july 3 june 2 may 3 april 4 march 3 february 4 january 8 2008 10 december 7 november 3 june iclw icomleavwe join the conversation creme de la creme 2010 the best of the adoption loss infertility blogs of 2010 life from scratch book tour join the book tour now through february 14 2011 iron commentor infertility s common thread beautiful blogger award my blog list stirrup queens 1107th friday blog roundup 1 day ago edenland you re dangerous coz you re honest 2 years ago baby dust diaries what is best for baby food 4 years ago illiterati a celebration of superheroes 5 years ago here we go again things that have been useful in this pandemic 6 years ago my infertility woes still processing 6 years ago can i get some sugar with these lemons storm clouds 6 years ago laughing is conceivable the walmart minute infertility clinic could you imagine 8 years ago so close the most un tertia type birthday 8 years ago painting chef cheaper than therapy just spilling it s been that long so buckle the fuck in 9 years ago chezperky paranoia 9 years ago and noah makes three kindergarten round two 9 years ago a view on my life 9 years ago and baby b makes three on the run 10 years ago abc family we ve got a whole hand now 10 years ago good egg hatched the canary in my coalmine 10 years ago an unwanted path so many things 10 years ago lost and found and connections abound 833rd issue of the lfca 10 years ago a journey from hope to grace may 2015 10 years ago womb for improvement no womb for improvement 10 years ago cheese curds and kimchi our international adoption story 2015 korean and adoption christmas ornaments round up 10 years ago just being something to share 10 years ago just nesting moving again sorry 11 years ago inconceivable an important moment 11 years ago 16 no period baby 30 no period baby update 11 years ago flotsam 0 1 2 3 11 years ago my scrambled eggs birth story part tres 11 years ago the dew baby 11 years ago a little pregnant surprising no one 11 years ago breeder beware dammitall 11 years ago fertile hope children on death and dying 11 years ago baby mama drama 18 weeks 11 years ago journeywoman moving on up 11 years ago 999 reasons to laugh at infertility wimaxでfpsはプレイできるのか 11 years ago mac and pc final blog post finally 11 years ago a tale of the trials and tribulations of letting go the great unveiling take two 12 years ago the lucky life foot in mouth disease 12 years ago infertile follies it s official 12 years ago expecting a miracle daniel 12 years ago nikus road i m still here anyone else 12 years ago child bearing hips a trip a trip 12 years ago do i have to be a dink one and done 12 years ago alex s adventures farewell my friends 12 years ago seriously you can t make this stuff up taekwondo tournament 12 years ago my infertility triathlon trying to move forward 13 years ago him me three maybe tasty 13 years ago life according to leah the winter months 13 years ago apron strings 13 years ago tubeless in seattle an ivf blog wonder days 13 years ago a decade of bfns 1 week 13 years ago dragondreamer s lair a better place 14 years ago a new dawn kitchen update 14 years ago journey to the center of the uterus eight weeks of goodness 14 years ago all aboard the pity boat 14dpo beta 15 years ago china adopt talk an infertile blog i will be a mom finally march 2011 allison s wonderland meredithwatmough com labels award clomid iclw infertility re taking a break testing the waiting game timing what were they thinking layout courtesy of little window shop feedjit live traffic feed feedjit live blog stats subscribe to posts atom posts all comments atom all comments my blog list