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the infertile long and winding road the infertile long and winding road my journey through years of fertility treatment and miscarriage blog archive 2008 34 september 4 how did i get here because you asked the birthday story the big arrival august 4 july 2 june 4 may 3 april 3 march 3 february 4 january 7 2007 49 december 8 november 11 october 12 september 9 august 9 our hopeful ticker about me lisa i am 42 years old and separated from j after nearly 10 years of marriage we had been trying to have a baby for more than 6 years through years of fertility treatments and pregnancy loss our journey had been way too long and i had lost nearly all hope that it would end happily that hope grew again as each day of our twin pregnancy passed and on august 25th 2008 our world was forever changed not long after our boys were born i found myself a single parent even though single parenthood with twins is damn hard i wouldn t change it for the world now nearly two years after separating from j i m dipping my toe back in the dating pool note names have been changed to protect the innocent view my complete profile get a button blogroll a little sweetness baby maatman journey baby steps to baby shoes bella vida coming 2 terms henry street love hope and faith mission impossible infertile mommy someday no swimmers in the tubes on the wrong side of statistics or life is a bed of roses our box of rain precious little quest for a lifetime reproductive jeans roadblocks and rollercoasters stirrup queens that was the plan the sticky bean preconception journal monday september 29 2008 how did i get here first i apologize for not having a second of time to post much of anything since the bugs came home having twins is more challenging than i ever imagined i can t believe that today they are already five weeks old five weeks i now am on the downslope of my maternity leave which is freaking me out but that s another post entirely and the bugs have changed enormously since their birthday both boys are now over 8 1 2 pounds which seems huge to me but i have to stop to remember that those weights are average for singletons and alex who was my smaller bug at birth has now surpassed his bigger brother in weight life in our house is definitely stressful to say the least we are severely sleep deprived dealing with one baby who has a terrible bout of acid reflux and maybe colic and trying to acclimate ourselves to having two infants who always seem to want to have bad days nights at the same time i have to say i can completely understand how the divorce rate among families with multiples approaches 80 j and i have to work hard at not snapping at one another when the stress gets out of control i know we ll be ok in the long run but i can see how it is going to take a lot of work for us and the importance of making your marriage a priority as well as your children i ve thought a lot the past few weeks and months about my journey to get where i am today it has been a long road to travel sometimes nearly breaking me the early morning doctor appointments the humiliation at having numerous doctors and nurses seeing my nether regions the tests needle jabs bruises from injections disappointment at failed cycles excitement with positive pee sticks heartache over lost pregnancies stress on my marriage and complete and utter amazement at the birth of the bugs j and i walked the long and winding road for over six years there were times one or both of us wanted to stop to turn off the road and walk a different path somehow we kept going and now i can t imagine what life would be like if we had stopped walking don t get me wrong i am not naive at all after this whole experience i know that there are far too many people who don t ever get off the road but i am glad that j and i made the decisions together to continue with treatment even when they seemed futile i hope for all if couples that they are also able to find some way off of their own road whatever way that is and find peace with whatever decisions they make for their own situations i m pretty confident that j and i will not be walking down the if long and winding road anymore given our ages and what it took to get the bugs i can t see that we will pursue any additional fertility treatment in the future and i m also pretty confident that there won t be any magical surprise pregnancies in our future either since we ve taken a turn and are walking down a different road now i ve decided to close this chapter of my journey and open the next one i also don t want to write a lot about parenting after infertility on what started out as an infertility pregnancy loss blog i know how much it can hurt to read pregnancy and child related posts when you are in the throes of treatments decision making or when you ve received news about negative cycles so i ve decided to write about our new road parenting multiples after infertility over here i ll still be following your posts sharing information about parenting with those of you who have gotten to that point and cheering those of you on who are still walking the road i hope that this blog will provide people facing infertility and pregnancy loss with help if they need it that was one of my goals when i started it there were certainly a huge number of you who gave me support when i needed it i thank you for that and i hope that maybe you ll stop by our new digs and see how j the bugs and i are all doing once in a while posted by lisa at 11 41 am 21 comments saturday september 13 2008 because you asked here they are lan don on the top and al ex on the bottom our little bugs just a few hours after they were born i m working on some more posts i have a lot to share of things i ve felt and thought about over the past few weeks now just finding some time to actually post them posted by lisa at 12 46 pm 3 comments thursday september 11 2008 the birthday story as i promised our aj and lj s birth story on monday august 25 th i woke at about 4a m feeling weird that s the only way i could explain it i felt like sorry if tmi i had to go to the bathroom or had some awful gas pains i kept trying to figure out what i had eaten the previous night that would have caused it it didn t even occur to me that it could be labor beginning i had told these two bugs it was time to come out every day for weeks with no results so why would today be any different after trying to go to the bathroom or pass some gas for quite some time i gave up and went back to bed couldn t sleep the pressure in my chest and stomach hurt to much j was sleeping on the sofa downstairs as he typically has done since about the 4 month mark of this pregnancy when my snoring became too much for him so i turned on the television for a while 4 30am went to try to use the bathroom again noticed some slight pink spotting on the tp when i wiped hum i guess that could be normal at this point maybe i ll call the ob when the office opens at 9am 5am one more trip to the bathroom and well this seems like an awful lot of fluid for me to just be peeing my water had broken i found a big bath towel and tried my best to work my way downstairs to tell j he was pretty calm and i told him that i wanted to call the ob on call to see what to do 5 45am called the on call ob explained what had happened and that we were scheduled to have a c section later that week he told me we should head for the hospital then and he d see us when we got there i told j to put the suitcase in the car while i went to go and shower i don t know why i thought i needed to shower first but i was not going to the hospital without one so that s what i did 8am arrived at the hospital sent to triage where they checked me three times to be sure it was amniotic fluid that was leaking hooked up to fetal monitors and told to wait and see what happens between 8am 10am the ob and nurses decided i was not really in active labor yet not even slightly dilated or effaced there were two other scheduled c sections that day so it looked like i would be waiting until after they were done with those luckily my contractions that i was feeling were pretty minor by late morning they seemed to be getting slightly worse i can not even imagine what you ladies who delivered naturally must have been through my minor contractions were kicking my as we ended up sitting in triage for about 6 hours all the while leaking the amniotic fluid before they finally took us into the or for the c section i was scared of the spinal but ready to have my bugs it really wasn t so bad either i bit nerve wracking when i heard behind me that the resident was doing it instead of the anesthesiologist we delivered at a teaching hospital and considering that i have panic attacks when i get a novocaine shot at the dentist due to lack of control over my body it took what seemed to be a matter of minutes and they were taking baby a out first with the ob shocked that he was the littler one weighing in at 5lbs 10 ozs and then baby b was out who weighed 6lbs 8ozs not bad for a 5ft2in girl like me j watched as the nicu doctors examined them and then left the room because they were both thankfully healthy and well once in the recovery room and the spinal wearing off so i wasn t afraid of dropping them i finally got to hold my two beautiful bugs they were everything i ever dreamed they would be tiny perfect beautiful little beings finally j and i could start the next leg of our journey posted by lisa at 1 12 pm 2 comments monday september 1 2008 the big arrival our little aj and lj have arrived before the scheduled date that dr ob and i decided on they finally listened and decided to come out on their own c section went fine and since august 25 th at 2 41pm our life has been forever changed i can t describe the love and the emotions i feel for these perfect beings more on the birth story to come posted by lisa at 10 33 am 9 comments tuesday august 19 2008 the plan ob appointment today went well ultrasound still shows baby a a little smaller than baby b and both are face down a is vertex and b is breech heartbeats etc all look good dr ob said we could try naturally but she couldn t guarantee that even with the best doctor that they would be able to turn baby b into a head down position after a is born and i may end up going through labor and then having a c section for the second baby so we decided to schedule a c section to avoid that issue altogether a little longer hospital stay and recovery time but i want to avoid having both labor and a c section so that was the way to go unless these boys decide to come out on their own we ll be scheduled for next friday august 29th j and i are so excited less than 10 days and we will finally meet these two little bugs a little nervous too posted by lisa at 4 45 pm 4 comments monday august 11 2008 the dreaded internal exam i ve heard a lot about this exam and it appears as of now that i may have evaded this one altogether i had my 36 week appointment with dr ob today and all she did was a weight blood pressure and fundal height measurement that s it i went expecting an internal but she didn t do one and didn t even mention it maybe since it really tells you nothing about when labor will truly begin she doesn t do them at all maybe she doesn t do them to her worrywart patients in hopes of not causing any spotting for them whatever her reasoning i am glad so now next week i will have another nst and ultrasound and another appointment with dr ob she also told me today that if these babies don t decide to arrive on their own by next week s appointment then after getting some estimates on weights from the ultrasound we ll come up with a delivery plan since my fundal height and weight are not growing nearly as quickly as they have she s starting to think it s time for them to arrive i can t believe we re almost there still no signs that i can see from these bugs that they want out so maybe we ll be scheduling a c section after all just one more week and if no babies then at least we ll have a plan by then posted by lisa at 3 54 pm 2 comments wednesday august 6 2008 all shapes and sizes even when they are in utero people assume twins are going to be alike even those that are not identical since my last dr appointment i ve been telling family friends and co workers that we need to have an nst due to the fact that we re having multiples and also to be sure the estimated weight difference between the two is not a concern nearly everyone comments on how much bigger baby b is estimated to be than baby a and then asks me why gee i don t know maybe because people are all different apparently at this point it looks like we are just going to have two different sized babies the nst was reactive this morning with both babies showing good heart rate reactions to movement and did they ever move the nurse finally ended the test even though they wouldn t be still at the end there was no sign of any contractions at all either so that means they are both doing well estimated weight differences shouldn t signal iugr and the placentas are doing well also i ll have another test in about a week or so if the bugs decide not to arrive by then i have to admit though i am getting anxious j and i finished packing the hospital bags last night and now all there is left to do is a few more loads of baby laundry and then just wait blood pressure is still a little high though so we have to keep watching that group b strep test done hopefully results will be ok and much to my co workers surprise i still have yet to have an internal exam from what i ve heard about them though i am hoping that i can escape without one ever the gbs test hurt enough posted by lisa at 1 34 pm 3 comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom