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Text of the page (random words):
topic drift june 2004 comment link margin left 6em topic drift everything here is true some things are truer than others some things should be true but are not all things are based on truth how truthful i am o truth et cetera from the desk of esther wilberforce packard typing from minneapolis mn tuesday post there are limits peril at every turn she bears my right to arm supports what late morning science wednesday again wednesday quickly write to me here i track zoe zoetracker 3000 normblog profile here old posts my oeuvre le menu gospel of judas dr jon train pets named deborah antiques roadshow deathbed scene fairy tales chef d oeuvre interview psychic nearly dies party jokes life of rafe my moon rock burping buddhists i read you probably debbie i mowed your lawn hybrid fat n sassy a l daily lileks stephenesque armavirumque otto da fe mike toole the social affairs unit spectator outer life boris johnson enoch soames misspent life hatemonger s quarterly stefan geens shorpy a fistful of euros an englishman s castle byzantium s shores fugio patum peperium chris cope is full of crap american digest feigning interest irish elk llama butchers jewlicious riehl world view my vast right wing conspiracy swapatorium spirit fingers squander two blog micah newman tim worstall the sharpener six meat buffet song from a distant planet scrappleface about last night sharp as a marble white pebble mick hartley poor richard s anorak normblog chase me ladies i m in the cavalry emerald bile stay of execution fafblog knowledge is power andrew cusack right hand of god adloyada chicken yoghurt shane the afe blog the brutality of reason chemical billy tinkerty tonk zippy the fish imonk derring do comma dot comma lein girlz 3 bogol scribal terror dies irae june 2004 july 2004 august 2004 september 2004 october 2004 november 2004 december 2004 january 2005 february 2005 march 2005 april 2005 may 2005 june 2005 july 2005 august 2005 september 2005 october 2005 november 2005 december 2005 january 2006 february 2006 march 2006 april 2006 may 2006 june 2006 july 2006 august 2006 september 2006 october 2006 november 2006 december 2006 february 2007 april 2007 may 2007 july 2007 august 2007 october 2007 december 2007 january 2008 may 2008 june 2008 july 2008 september 2008 october 2008 november 2009 december 2009 current posts tuesday june 29 2004 there may come a time when i will be asked to organize and assemble a gorgeous coffee table sized cookbook brimming with romantically enhanced photos of lavender lemon cakes and brie dotted tuna flank and tarragon goose flatoose but listen here i think you will find my special cookbook twist both stirring and innovative my twist is that despite the beautiful and sundry photos and despite the colorful recipe titles every single recipe in my cookbook will be the same old borscht recipe just one recipe do you see my genius 250 full color photos none of borscht 300 mouth watering recipe titles but 300 identical borscht recipes all borscht picture this you decide to bake my asparagus taffy drops and you assemble the ingredients on your countertop but wait something s wr you are not making asparagus taffy drops serves 12 you are making borscht serves 6 damn are you mad fine by me you can bitch into your bedding all night long you can scrawl angry letters to pope john paul jenkins you can rail at the sky rend your garment and wear earth on your head oof i make myself tired with this cookbook planning i should have been an aviator or a penny swindler or a war time nurse 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 5 25 pm 0 comments sunday june 27 2004 no beard no problem beard now that s a problem beards are a shady area when a man has a difficult time growing a consistent beard the man should throw all effort to the wind and purchase a molded brown plastic sheath that fits around the ears and comes with removable and interchangeable plastic mustaches that hook into the nostrils why one the molded plastic sheath beard is overtly false and as such will not offend the suspicious and cruel people i count myself among them who questioned your weird real beard and beard related motives two upon switching to false beard you will be known as a man with a fine and bold sense of humor this sense of humor is unlikely to appeal to others but they will recognize its existence the way one recognizes the presence of greenpeace canvassers without wishing to speak to them thirdly while your weird patchy beard gained you credibility at such venues as the renaissance festival and the metro transit station your new false beard will elicit a distancing reaction in the people who inhabit these magical worlds alternatively it will elicit such awe in them that you will be as a god unto them and as their god you can order them to disband and disperse finally in the off season your false beard can be stored under the covers of the guest bed thereby assuring a hilarious encounter with the in laws who should be staying at a hotel anyway done and done 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 5 23 pm 0 comments my plan for a better tomarrow when president grant awards us a land patent in the dakota territory one of the first things we re going to do is sell it to someone else no way are we going to live in a sod house and get laughed at by indians ooh better idea we will move west very briefly just long enough to build a brewery and staff it with nondescript swedes also let s build a livery stable because why not and let s take all that money we make and invest in a chain of hair salons and old world charm family style eateries in and around peoria and i will take a larger cut of the profits because so far all of the good ideas have been mine 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 3 52 pm 0 comments tuesday june 22 2004 we might as well throw up our hands and admit that we d like nothing better than to haul our vulgar claptrap adult past to the pit and ignite it all perhaps god willing to the resounding thwap of celebratory musket fire what indeed have we accomplished who spotting us on the street would hail us with words both complementary and salutatory why do dogs and summer brides avoid us and where is our pink hot water bottle a thing of beauty and considerable heat all is lost to us lost in the fogs of antiquity lost along with the mean notebook from junior high and the set of keys that vanished in a fugue of drunken snowdrift fumbling circa 1994 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 5 19 pm 0 comments we wouldn t say that we were stricken stiff with surprise or that we were caught off guard in a compromising position but certainly we were troubled when we spotted the m donna ads sprawled atop our blog page sprawled like bucktoothed centerfolds on a ferrari it s our own fault of course because we spoke her name above a whisper and typed it most insouciantly without qualifiers like holy mary or with child or mother of god we aim to lose these ads if possible and replace them with ads that delineate our ripping strength and supple milklines bring to us your laxative ads your carl buddig ham ads your asbestos removal ads bring to us an ad that combines the lot the dr buddig asbestos laxative ad and bring us a glass of water for we are thirsty as a bitch 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 1 53 pm 0 comments sunday june 20 2004 years ago an earnest bespectacled busboy described to us the in his mind amusing proclivities and mores of the medieval japanese how he had access to this information with a busboy s salary and attention span we will never know he claimed that a dishonored man had many options when it came to suicide but the method that most astounded our young scholar was the method wherein a man eats as much salt as he can stomach and then eats more then he dies we toasted this memory today over a cup of steaming san j traditional japanese mild miso soup one serving of which contains 57 of our recommended daily allowance of sodium 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 1 50 pm 0 comments saturday june 19 2004 sage seer peach our honey haired magnifico is 40 the dejected and those currently gathering no rosebuds may find solace here 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 2 46 pm 0 comments tuesday june 15 2004 you re never alone in this crapshack it has come to our attention as things occasionally do that unless we integrate links into our blog we will remain on the outposts of civilization far from the mod cons of google and indoor plumbing who to link to why let s link to this dashing dark welshman we ve trained a glassy eye on him since february and we assume he knows this given our goldilocks caliber carelessness and our url breadcrumb trail 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 1 19 pm 0 comments sunday june 13 2004 just yesterday the postman secreted a bundle of mail at our stoop and lying in its midst was a jewel of rare quality the new yorker advertisement issue if you subscribe to or are otherwise imposed upon by the new yorker you know that a regular issue is thin stapled at the side special issues are wide glued with print on the spine real keepers don t you know the advertisement issue as the name suggests was fat with ads including a folded and regrettably empty milk carton automobile ad a personalizeable bumper sticker credit card ad 4 cardstock bits that in a blaze of anticlimax did nothing mp3 player ad and a pamphlet entitled life 101 a modern spin on some ancient wisdom insurance and financial services advert by the time we d stripped our new yorker of these blessings our magazine torn and thin the bin bulging and the brow sweaty we were ready for the bedtime floss and the nighty night it seemed unwise to bin ancient wisdom with such a wild indifference so we paused to dip in to life 101 it turns out that life 101 lifts it s weight from a book by a jesuit priest in 1637 as you know few institutions can spin a jesuit like an insurance company so we have wisdom like 2 make people depend on you and 16 never be upset and 74 leave something to wish for and 96 set difficult tasks for those under you also good are 32 get used to the failings of those around you and 36 do not take payment in politeness eat your heart out mr deming the jesuit insurance industrial complex was way ahead of you 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 2 37 pm 1 comments we have noticed that our front teeth feel unusual this discomfort has revived within us the old suspicion that our dentist plants cavity seeds in our teeth when we submit to a cleaning we want to trust our dentist he has a firm handshake after all and the chirpy hygienists in his employ are ever green and solid as a rock year in and year out perhaps we are eating too many sweets perhaps the constant surging wash of coffee and tea is bearing our enamel out to sea perhaps our riparian salad days are salad days indeed and we are in our bitter dotage forced inland to some filthy city flat near a root canal perhaps we will now drink an mgd and watch elimidate 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 11 00 am 0 comments saturday june 12 2004 inaugural address zoe quit reading our blog it s not about you everbody else welcome however in the secret deeps of our troubled heart we know that zoe is still reading this we re about to quit this weblog and restart our old life of sitting couchside brooding in our blue military uniform with golden epaulettes and plumed hat we chafe at the suggestion that we resume our old life though flag day is at our throats what 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 4 29 pm 0 comments pre inaugural address soon you shall see what you should have seen all along and so forth 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 2 28 pm 0 comments