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Text of the page (random words):
mber 2005 january 2006 february 2006 march 2006 april 2006 may 2006 june 2006 july 2006 august 2006 september 2006 october 2006 november 2006 december 2006 february 2007 april 2007 may 2007 july 2007 august 2007 october 2007 december 2007 january 2008 may 2008 june 2008 july 2008 september 2008 october 2008 november 2009 december 2009 current posts thursday september 30 2004 the most important meal of the day when i read the 2 blowhards bit about women running their mouths over breakfast i said to myself how can i be more like that when will i learn to gab morning gab is not my style sneaky insinuation and rabid insistence that is my breakfast style accusation bewilderment and a little soft shoe that s my breakfast style sometimes the soft shoe gets out of hand and i spill milky oatmeal on my bustle that can t be helped sometimes i trash the entire kitchen with my breakfast vaudeville that makes fat old molly furious how she loathes scrubbing vertical surfaces of course i m not always so chirpy some mornings i scowl and have terrific soap hurling fits i probably look like bay buchanan on these mornings in fact fat old molly designed the following breakfast alco drink in my honor i didn t hear about this magical drink from her i know the recipe because i listen at doors manic buchanan sunrise 1 part rum 1 part kahlua 4 parts coffee 1 part squinty spleen cream rainbow sugar sprinkles 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 11 00 pm 2 comments fine i will try this again do you want to comment on topic drift posts probably not judging from your fierce grimace but pretend for just one brief shining moment that you do want to comment now you can but only for a few days after a few days i may take all your comments away and burn them in a fantastic backyard voodoo ceremony not an actual voodoo ceremony you silly ass the voodoo ceremony you learn from those pink new age books 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 4 57 pm 0 comments the ideas they just come to me i have a fine idea for a gag necktie it s a regular necktie see but it s way too long get it it s too long it s so long that you must thread it through your legs and attach the end of it to the part that goes around the back of your neck it s only considered a gag necktie if you refuse to acknowledge that it differs form regular neckties in any way it s kind of retarded for a tie but i think you ll grow to appreciate it i think you appreciate my ideas more than you let on my friend 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 3 26 pm 3 comments wednesday september 29 2004 because an ounce of something something is worth something who can predict incidents of cannibalism you can with my new predicticon 43 d the predicticon 43 d will revolutionize your current cannibal detection strategy by recognizing and neutralizing the power of manhunger g the powerful and dastardly hormone that drives cannibals to consume human dude flesh the predicticon 43 d will reduce your chances of being eaten by another human dude by 60 70 even 80 percent just strap it on under your corduroy shirt and you re off kiss your cannibal anxiety goodbye forever with the predicticon 43 d not available in germany or florida 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 8 30 pm 0 comments i ve got some serious thinking to do i ripped the air conditioner out of the window just now don t look for it it s gone i am trading it in for a diaper genie then i m going to get pregnant by eating rolaids and rubbing my tummy with soy margarine when i watch the debate tomorrow i will watch with an eye to the future which candidate will create the americaland best suited for my rolaids baby 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 4 59 pm 0 comments pfffft i ain t got nothin to say and neither do you so let s just sit quietly if you are hungry eat something that does not make noise like yogurt open it in the kitchen so that i don t have to hear you open it i mean it when i am ready to speak again i will signal you by making a zorro y slashing gesture near your chest no that sounds a little crazy i ll just punch you in the arm or say fine talk now that sounds crazy too this entire post is absurd because you re not physically in my house but if you were whoo ee you d see i ain t got nothin to say 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 4 48 pm 0 comments tuesday september 28 2004 i did it all by myself i followed this bookslut link to it s source and i did it without a sherpa it was a cold slog but in the end i had a laugh and took the bullet train back into topic drift funny how i didn t see the tracks on my way there huh is my agoraphobia out of control yes i believe it is 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 9 05 pm 0 comments sarah plain and tall and anemic once in the days of yore my blue white chum margurite successfully made fun of sarah plain and tall nobody has presented me with a successful sarah plain and tall joke since then i do not remember the joke only that is was made and that i roared and fell out of my seat i say do you recall the defunct commercials that offered succor to those women afflicted with iron poor blood the narrator was an overtly southern woman so it must have been more like eye un po blud has science eliminated the scourge of iron poor blood i haven t seen an iron poor blood commercial in years and yet i can t erase the memory sweet memory always giving it gives like a mother or a weak floorboard oof i think i ate too much ice cream 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 8 28 pm 0 comments monday september 27 2004 i now offer counsel on auras now that i have contact lenses i can see people s auras everyone s aura is colorless and transparent some people s auras have stink lines similar to what you see in select cartoons aura stink lines indicate that the person inside the aura has an odor it may be a bad odor but it may also be a good odor some people s auras smell like the olive garden this indicates that the person in question just ate at the olive garden just finished his shift at the olive garden or just carries a little piece of fake italy in his heart 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 1 39 pm 0 comments sunday september 26 2004 vineyard secrets partially revealed i have recently received inquiries regarding my private vineyard all my wine is blanc all grape skins are peeled away by my man slaves i consider grape skins unimportant i sell them to other vineyards frankly i do not make my own wine either i find making things boring i maintain my vineyard primarily in order to boss my man slaves around i like telling people what to do i am a born leader like niyazov or steisand i bankroll my fledgling empire through the sale of grape skins to each her own and to me more more for me more for me does this mean less for you not necessarily note to self future projects for man slaves build larger pyramids for me and my cats row galley 2x faster 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 1 30 pm 0 comments this old blog why i just read this when i don t care what i look like 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 7 18 am 0 comments whoooooo megrims when i motor by in my street ship you had better believe the ground shakes particular fads are getting me down imprecise housekeeping guitar music torture at times a startling admixture of the three in the 1980s we had access to pastel electronics now everything is silver unless it is black 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 7 11 am 0 comments friday september 24 2004 i plan ahead for hurricane lulu if a hurricane heads for my luxury villa i will tack plywood over my windows certainly but i will never spray the plywood with flippant notes addressed to the hurricane because eventually i will have to return to my plowed villa and the last thing i will want to face is my own pathetic wet plywood notes all my precious womanly crap in shambles and there looming above it all is my stupid note that says hey lulu for that is my hurricane s name up yours or lulu stinks or bring it on lulu or i ll be back bitch the very idea of hurricanes and the plywood notes they provoke is enough to keep me living in my inland igloo for the remainder of my life my long and healthy life maybe i would spray sure hope this pressed board protects my ultra awesome aiwa sound system or somebody clean this shit up or did somebody lay one because it sure smells nasty out here or some equally romantic adage that would lift my spirits when i return to survey the damage and retrieve my participation trophies 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 9 22 pm 1 comments proof that i am an it girl 1 no proof is really necessary 2 i tend to use secret back staircases 3 i am often just waved through 4 price is no object 5 my obscurity shields me from my fame 6 my papillon does not poop 7 i don t care about nothin 8 i fail miserably when i speak up 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 1 49 pm 0 comments thursday september 23 2004 seeking enthusiastic diggers with a cosmotarian bent as you might have guessed we at topic drift espouse few ideals ideals bah not necessary scarcely appropriate boo and all that but one ideal that we hold close to our shrunken hearts is that of finding buried treasure and using it to garner political and ideological clout we feel the need for clout a lot of it we feel the need for buried treasure as much of it as we can pull out of your property while you are vacationing in vermont i am getting off track here so i will begin another paragraph specifically we want bernarr macfadden s treasure we wouldn t mind oak island but we are realistic underground rivers have long since washed the oak island rubies to the canaries stupid pirates we don t want to dig this treasure ourselves forget your vermont vacation we want you to dig the macfadden treasure for us and deliver it to our stoop we will cut you a check enough to cover your expenses plus a little for your trouble if we like the cut of your jib we may invite you out back for bit of bbq weather permitting you may need some inspiration for your dig so i will now transcribe for you the scribbles from inside the front cover of my copy of bernarr macfadden s keeping fit health how lost how regained 1923 the inscription is in soft pencil and is regrettably unsigned flating is soft soap and soft soap is 90 per cent lye a up right person can never be a down right failure when causing trouble for others you are makeing some for yourself our owne faults look as big to others as others faults look to us inside back cover polident for false teeth cleans purifies call dr nelson first week in feb nurse aunt uncle i believe the treasure is hidden in steel cartridge boxes it could be anywhere keep in mind that digging is good exercise good exercise leads to good health and that good health will get you into heaven 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 10 10 pm 0 comments wednesday september 22 2004 because i could not lock the door it kindly locked for me today the garage door would not lock this has probably happened to you you re probably wondering how i tackled this problem you re probably eager to learn from my misfortune i am here to help you little one first thing i did was get angry eventually it just locked by itself see always get angry first 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 6 16 pm 0 comments so he s happy with himself is he is this the kind of hard hitting journalism that i pay cnn for lazy i am not sending them one more cent that is it i have put up with cnn s iraq war nonsense their phony election coverage their imaginary hurricanes and their ridiculous preoccupation with maroon 5 i m done subscription cancelled 200 bucks a month what do they take me for a sucker i have a genuine yearning to know what s happening on the world stage all i want is some proper journalism i want international news breaking news feature news incisive punditry and traffic reports if that means subscribing to star again so be it 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 5 19 pm 0 comments i eat poison and dream of the old middle west i just woke up after attempting to sleep off what i presume to be mild food poisoning so now i will describe to you my poison dream it is sure to knock your socks off go put on socks i was in a little house on the prairie style reality show it was realistic and spooky and the camera crew did not protect us from grizzly bears what blew the experience for me was that we still had televisions they were built into the cabin walls and they ran only little house on the prairie type programing one day a grizzly bear loitered outside the cabin and a cell phone tower collapsed near me i had an unusual bruise on my leg and someone pointed to a roll of skin and said all the dudes like to use that for their bruises it s the closest thing to real skin i washed my hands in the sink next to the roll of skin and then picked up the skin she was right very good skin then i was in the cabin bar watching a western and it occurred to me to ask what year this was supposed to be what year is this i demanded of the others just then of course the phone rang and woke me up 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 1 23 pm 0 comments tuesday september 21 2004 tuesday confuses the humors when i enter a grocery store it is my mission to evacuate the building as quickly as possible preferably with the food i came for i am a visionary see i want those smokehouse almonds that the stars eat but i m not going to fetch them myself not tonight tonight i m going to will them to come to me smokehouse almonds come to me i have announced they haven t appeared yet why am i willing almonds to appear when larger issues press us so keenly the federal reserve has lifted short term interest rates and i wish for smokehouse almonds crisis at the pump and i burn for smokehouse almonds kalashnikov vodka flows and i fly to the humble almond dan rather swathed in rags sleeping in alleys and selling matches and i dare request smokehouse almonds what kind of confounded monster am i pffft i don t know 2004 2009 by esther wilberforce packard 8 32 pm 0 comments monday september 20 2004 forgive me why would i blog a vikings game i am supremely unsuited for the task my vast and superior readership will click away in a heartbeat truthfully i know not the ways of the pigskin the only players i can name offhand are red grange brett farve and randy moss i know that red grange is dead brett farve is a packer and randy moss is relentlessly bitchy and bumps traffic cops with his horseless carriage i guess what i m saying is the die is cast i m blogging the vikings game until i lose interest which will inevitably occur within the first 15 minutes of the game pyrotechnics smoke and so forth x kicks off others fly down the field well done others that s exactly what i would have done 26th yard line i can t make sense of this one fellow s surname is wiggins wiggins i m smitten culpepper goes off the edge writes postcard resumes play smashing mayhem wanton leg ...