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d how they fit into all of it how beautiful it all was i taught the big bang and i taught darwin s evolution through natural selection and i taught climate change even when doing that caused me to raise the eyebrows of the higher ups and the church hierarchy through much of the last decade of my career i taught a health curriculum that included sex education although constrained by the limits of the catholic church s teachings i did my level best to give my kids as much as i could of a healthy and positive education about their bodies and their sexuality even in the face of resistance from some parents and the parish priest that work ultimately led to my untimely retirement from the teaching profession when i simply could not accede to demands that i refrain from addressing topics like menstruation wet dreams intercourse and childbirth in an 8th grade sex education class there are limits beyond which truth will not bend through it all there was never any real reason to disclose my personal life to my students or my colleagues what i did outside my classroom had no bearing on my teaching i worked to teach with compassion care and respect i taught with integrity and with academic rigor my goal was to find a way to help every student succeed whatever they brought to me my job was to help them use all of their skills and talents to build their very best pathway forward and then i retired i left my life s work behind and i walked away one very early february morning and i never looked back there was no ceremony and there were no goodbyes it was sudden and it was very very final i took a deep breath and stepped from one part of my life into the next now three years later i find my life is slower quieter deeper i am also very glad to find that many of those former students remain connected to me through the miracle of social media for all of its many very real flaws it does provide some definite paths to those connections i am so grateful lately though i ve been contemplating the fact that those young people still have little sense of who it is that they think they know my catholic school teacher costume was just that a disguise it served to allow me to function in a world where i could work earn a living and make a valuable contribution in the lives of young people but it required me to keep much of who i was hidden from view the vast reality of who i really am would have made that teaching life untenable but without the truth of it these current friendships are flat and one dimensional there are so many potentially interesting conversations that have no place from which to begin i have no reason to hide any longer and really nothing of substance to lose so at the risk of alienating some i want to step into the daylight and perhaps open the door to a deeper set of understandings with those who might choose that like everyone else i am a person with many levels of complexity there are many sides to ms d i am politically liberal and unashamedly progressive i simply believe that all people ought to be able to live in safety with health comfort and dignity i am anti racist although i still have much to learn about how to fully live out that aspiration in the world i have been a feminist since my teens i believe that no one ought to be treated as less because of their sex sexuality or gender identity i think every person ought to be able to earn a decent living wage doing work that has dignity in a workplace that is safe and protected from abuse i believe everyone should be able to obtain a full range of healthcare services and that paying for those services should not result in economic hardship people should have adequate housing food and drinking water our air water and food supply should all be safe education should be accessible and affordable to every person from the preschool to the very highest level for every single person your zip code or your family s last name should not determine your ability to access educational opportunities we must prioritize the protection of our planet s environment failure to do so dooms our future dooms the future of every living thing on the planet there might me more but that is the gist of it honestly i don t feel like most of that is so very radical it seems like what decent people ought to think about things i am a masochist i eroticize pain i participate in a sexual erotic relationship as the masochistic bottom partner with a sadistic top he likes to inflict pain and so we are well matched the dance that we engage in together works to our mutual gratification i get regularly spanked flogged caned paddled strapped and whipped it is a sexual practice that is likely not for everyone but it takes me places that i cannot get to in any other way i reach heights of humming roaring ecstasy that are beyond my reach without this particular kind of power play i don t prescribe it for others and i never impose it on others i am careful about consent however in a world that assumes that people all engage in a particular sort of normal sexual relating to not acknowledge and honor my own sexual expression is a kind of amputation that i will not tolerate any longer i also live within a polyamorous family there are three of us tom and teresa are legally married to each other i am divorced no longer married but firmly committed and connected to the two of them we love one another ours is a family no different in most ways than any other we own a home together we manage our finances together we eat together cook together handle the household chores together support one another in times of health crises work around one another s schedules just do the things that families do we are not looking for other partners so we are more closed than some poly families and we are all straight so we love one another in the ways that work best between the different ones of us but we do love one another so yeah i am not exactly that catholic school teacher lady with her cats that i projected for all those years i am a bit more alternative than it might have appeared to those who sat in my classrooms back in the day i have no idea how that might land but i am ready to live out here in the world i am completely comfortable with who i have come to be there is no need to ask for anyone s approval i am always happy for the friendship of those who offer it and glad to offer it in return to those who might find it of some value but i will not hide any longer let it be what it truly is sue posted by sue at 3 17 2021 no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest 3 14 2021 safe words in adult consensual spanking pain is not harm let s talk about what is entailed in an agreement between adults to participate in a spanking experience with a particular focus on the often misconstrued concept of the safeword a spanking experience is an intentionally inflicted crisis in the form of slaps blows strikes of some sort administered to someon s buttocks resulting in pain we are most of us aware that in history spanking was administered by adults to children as disciplinary punishment less well known spanking was widely used as a means of punishing adults in servitude penal environments etc we have also seen an increasing awareness of adults who engage in consensual spanking experiences in the interest of sensual erotic or psychological gratification it also goes without much in depth thought that a spanking transaction whether as part of a lifelong relationship or a one time encounter requires there must be a partner who administers spanking i e the top partner and a partner who is spanked i e the bottom partner inherent to painfully striking another or to being painfully struck by another is risk of harm or injury all my thought about practicing adult consensual spanking is underpinned by the assumption that spanking partners whether top or bottom are to have their risks of harm minimized while they are engaged in spanking both partners consent to partcipate in spanking relies on this assurance to protect each other s safety so far we have found and agreed that adult consensual spanking is the agreement of two adults that one adult will spank the other that spanking will result in pain experienced by the bottom partner there will be effort to assure that despite this intentionally inflicted and intentionally accepted painful experience both partners will to the degree possible be kept free from harm as a result of this spanking i realize i may seem to be going on and on about obvious points please hang in with me so the bottom partner is going to intentionally submit to pain in the form of spanking when one experiences pain the natural human response is to attempt to end or lessen that pain or to object to that pain people being spanked will frequently reach back to block blows or attempt to move away from the ability of the top to reach them or object demand a halt to the spanking or beg the top to stop spanking them to lessen or end the pain they are in these behaviors are all reflective of the bottom partner s growing degree of crisis experienced as the spanking progresses it is important to recall that both parties to the spanking have agreed to intentionally create this crisis an important protection in terms of spanking partners avoiding harm is the safe word the safe word is a mutually agreed upon signal word for example giraffe that both partners agree will if it is uttered by the bottom during the spanking halt the spanking so the bottom s unsafe situation can be remedied before the spanking resumes if in fact it is even possible for the spanking to resume safely pain resulting from spanking is not harm if one is undergoing spanking and they can t breathe have chest pains their legs or arms go numb they lose vision or hearing or start to lose consciousness it is totally imperative they must use their safe word signal the spanking must halt and whatever is necessary to remedy the situation must be done even if emergency medical services must be called if much more likely the ongoing spanking results in steadily building pain distress this crisis is the exact crisis intentionally and consensually agreed to at its outset it is not unsafe the crisis through which one passes during an adult consensual spanking is the very stimulus that is the pathway to sacred sexuality i have been amazed at the proliferation of popular zen spanking websites on the net that purport to discuss spanking as a means to tantric sex almost all of whom encourage erstwhile spanking partners they don t have to worry any spanking they get will hurt too much because they will have a safeword all they have to do if their spanking becomes uncomfortable is call out red the spanking will halt they even explain that they the bottom partners are always in control of their spankings thus the top partner is simply pretty much non interactant in the process the pain and distress a bottom partner experiences during a spanking is not harm it is precisely the experience both partners agreed to collaboratively create thus defined control that the bottom retains thwarts the very dynamic that sacred sexuality requires it is in passing through the pain the loss of control the vulnerability a spanking entails that releases one to sacred sexual union safe words are vital to protect bottom partners from harm they are not a means to enable bottom partners to prevent their surrendering control during spankings surrender of control i e power exchange is a keystone of sacred sexuality tom the heretic posted by sue at 3 14 2021 no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest 3 10 2021 relationships in the bdsm universe i have a lot more time to read these days i retired from my 35 year teaching career three years ago and so now i read whatever i choose i wander from book to book sometimes following a single author through their entire catalog and then getting stuck in a particular genre and then finding a topic that intrigues me and so reading deeply in that realm for a time too a couple of times a year i end up with a stack of books that are intended for my grandson because being the gramma that sends books brings a certain set of responsibilities with it as tom and i have become engaged in deeper conversations about the potential meanings behind our own bdsm practice i found myself looking at some of what has been written about that lifestyle choice and finding the offerings disappointing the fiction seems all of a type and the how to s seem pretty dry and lifeless where i wonder are the discussions of what this all means in terms of relationships why is it all so mechanistic so oriented to win lose so lacking in human feeling and connection is it just me because here s the thing life happens no matter who spanks who no matter how prettily you string each other up no matter how many piercings no matter how much candle wax you pour on your bottom partner when all the slap and tickle is done there is still plenty of good old day to day living to get through when the regular and not so regular living happens it can be really important who is standing next to you kneel before me slave just won t get you through everything it won t outside of the dungeon people die they get seriously ill your kids turn out in ways you never ever expected your job goes all to hell pandemics show up out of nowhere finances get stood on their head some idiot runs into your car the irs comes calling there is shit to clean up sometimes literally addiction happens oh and you keep on getting older and older yeah life that sexy hot as hell dominant who swings a mean whip might be just the ticket when the world comes crashing down maybe or maybe not he or she might also turn to a quivering mess of i don t have a fucking clue what to do some folks who look great in scene are as useless as teats on a boar hog in a crisis so why is there so little conversation in our bdsm circles about how to build good strong stable relationships why do we talk about how to tie 15 different kinds of knots but not how to discover whether a potential partner is of sterling character how does a person considering a d s or m s relationship make that decision with some confidence that their partner is stable secure reliable trustworthy and dependable i want to know more than what your scene cred might be i need to know if you will sit up all night at my bedside in the hospital i want to be sure you will sit vigil with me when my loved one is dying i have to be sure you will go with me to help bail my wayward teen out of jail again i want to know if you have issues with drugs or alcohol or gambling or sex i need to know about your debt picture and your retirement plans and your ex wives husbands and any kids you have stashed in the wings if i am hitching my wagon to yours then i need to know what sort of train this is going to be if that all seems terribly intrusive an...
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