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ok share to pinterest labels life meme thursday 4 september 2014 sad as a nurse i have watched the dying process and i have been with people when they have died i have cared for people afterwards washed them prepared them for their loved ones i have spent time with those loved ones at all parts of the process as a nurse i have cared for people for many weeks from the time they knew they would die until the end what i am realising is that i was less prepared for the long process of dying than i knew especially when that person is your own parent i have always been closer to my dad than my mum she and i have a love hate relationship i guess we are too similar to really like each other much as we really do love and care with dad though i am the only daughter and we have spent more time than i can say in discussion chatting analysing and generally putting the world to rights he has always been there to advise to support he has been a tower of strength through some hard times suddenly those roles seem to be reversed much as i have managed this transition the complete role reversal is almost too much to bear since last christmas we have pretty much known that this is the year that will be his last the deterioration has been gradual though at times there have been major problems which made me wonder if things would be more sudden instead this process is painful and it is slow day by day week by week i have watched him waste away the big strong man can now barely lift a light bag of shopping his disease is bit by bit removing his strength his mobility his ability to get through each day i know he hates the person he has become i know that he sees what i do that he looks much older now than he is he can still hold a good conversation but gradually he is losing interest in the things that were special to him he looks around him and knows that time is short therefore why bother with football and cricket previous passions especially when the teams he follows don t appear to even try to win in the past we discussed current affairs politics all of that seems less important now he lives day to day week to week he knows the end is near but not how near it is the only thing we can do now is to visit to help out to encourage the grandchildren to visit they have a baby great grandson who is a source of joy visits tire him but at the same time make the struggle worthwhile today i had a conversation with his hospice nurse suddenly during that conversation i realised i was not discussing a patient i was discussing my dad on monday i am meeting her at their house to begin to discuss how we make his death the best it can be the next few weeks will be hard i am really sad right now posted by julie at 20 34 9 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels family tuesday 2 september 2014 tmi tuesday love life and lessons 1 are you happy with your job why or why not this is a job that suits my needs now i have the hours pay and job satisfaction i need i no longer worry about my career because i have a different balance to life 2 what do you want once i don t need to work i won t there is more to life for me now 3 who first broke your heart hubby broke my heart early in our marriage i regret not dealing with that sooner but we are where we are and i am happy with what life offers for now 4 what is the biggest mistake you ve made in a relationship not dealing with problems at the time that and going back 5 what did you learn from you last lover ex significant other that when s told me that i would find what i was looking for he actually knew what he was talking about that and finding out that his eternal search for his soulmate would be so difficult for him i was never she and knew it all the time in reality 6 what novel has been instrumental in shaping your views at any point in your life why not sure my life has been shaped by books but more that i have read different types of books at different times books about nursing in my teens books about life love latterly a mix of crime drama and literary classics don t ever ask my favourite i only remember the story for a short time 7 tell us about a favorite tv broadcast show you currently enjoy give us a synopsis of the show i have no time for tv right now don t you know how busy my life is bonus what is your current favorite song to listen to over and over again keane a place only we know or robbie williams angels posted by julie at 21 57 1 comment email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels tmi tuesday tuesday 26 august 2014 a girl s ramblings i don t have anything specific to blog about today so this is just going to be a mixture of the things going through my mind right now what you might describe as a girl s ramblings last weekend master and i travelled to the south of france my friends who spend most of the summer in france were in the uk for a family wedding and a work colleague of hubby and his family had booked my apartment it seemed like a good excuse for a short break to the sun timely as it turned out as the summer here has come to an abrupt end we had an amazing time visiting a host of new places all new for me and a couple new for him the trouble is that these trips just give more ideas for future travel not sure if that is a bad thing as such the trip itself cost me more than the rental on the apartment but who cares if you are having a good time actually i do care and i am now looking into having a company manage the change overs next week so i can actually rent the place out and try to cover costs better than i have this year hopefully by then i will be more sorted in my personal life certainly my marriage home etc hubby is now in france with his platonic lady friend since he has been gone he has texted me incessantly with inane questions that i am sure i had given him the answer to already even if i hadn t there is information in the apartment what then is he up to there is a pattern he tends to communicate with me mainly by text but when i am away he usually steps that up and sends text after text about what i am doing what the weather is like etc when he is away there is usually nothing but this time on this trip the level of texts are getting me down my dad suggested that he is trying to control me to prevent me moving on with my life he said also that i need to stop mothering him i am not sure if control is the right word for him but i know i have to stop replying master says delete don t reply it is going to be a challenge to follow his advice suggestion order probably the former unless i don t comply this weekend master and i had a more relaxing weekend not withstanding hubby s interruptions sometimes just chilling out is the thing to do along with some home cooking by me and then him and a couple of meals out we are getting increasingly irritated that it is more challenging to find good food at a reasonable price in our pubs than it is to find good food when travelling for some reason despite the fact that british pubs are something of a dying breed most are now chains that provide substandard offerings adequate yes but definitely not good i also visited my parents a couple of times essentially it was my turn my brothers were both working as dad becomes weaker and struggles to walk distances it is a sad reality that he can no longer safely drive due to medication he also struggles to find the strength to lift and carry things my mum is struggling with anxiety not feeling safe walking out of the house neither are particularly old at 75 but they are frail dad with cancer and mum has had several strokes but visits are proving fun we are chatting and laughing enjoying each others company in a way we haven t for a long time going shopping with them is like a darby and joan outing they have both developed a dark humour when not complaining about something and i am definitely embracing these last few weeks of being a girl with two parents my son s relationship with his girlfriend is blossoming not withstanding a couple of days last week when he seemed to be over worrying their relationship and they also are due to go off to france for a week soon living here now in the moment i have to say that this girl is feeling pretty happy with life this status quo might not last but for now i am savouring what i have i am feeling truly blessed with what i have i just need to dump one very big monkey from my back posted by julie at 19 05 4 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels life master slave vanilla family life friday 22 august 2014 this should be my approach far too much of the time i fail to focus on the here and now instead i think about what has been and fear what is in store for me master is always telling me that i need to live in the moment and to embrace the experiences that are happening now of course that is easy to say easy too to do when the moment you are living in is a happy one a fun one but what about when you are dealing with the fears and anxieties of others how then do you maintain the focus on yourself and on living in the here and now i have been looking at mindfulness as a way of managing my stresses at work particularly given the other things that are going on in my life this is about being conscious about being aware in the present moment of your senses about being able to feel your feet on the ground your hands on the keyboard and not imagining yourself somewhere you are not it is also about not dwelling on the past or being anxious about the future mindfulness doesn t mean not planning or setting goals we need to be able to do that i certainly need to plan for when i move from my marital home i also need to recognise the realities that will come with my father s death when it does come but mindfulness tells us to enjoy the moments as they unfold and if enjoy is not the right word then at least appreciate the good parts that go with the more challenging times i am going to try hard to focus on these messages to let go of the baggage of my past and to trust the future whatever it holds and however difficult that is to do posted by julie at 09 08 6 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels life thursday 14 august 2014 this is my thought for today as i travel through this journey it strikes me that it isn t just to master that i show so much of myself but to people who support me through this blog thank you for doing so i make no excuse for concentrating at the moment on the issues that i need to focus on they are painful but with the help of master and of those around me in person and virtually i know i will succeed i am off to france for the weekend tomorrow a chance to reflect on where i have got to and to recharge for the next push posted by julie at 06 46 3 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels blogging friends holidays older posts home subscribe to posts atom welcome to my blog this blog details this girl s journey from ordinary married middle aged woman into a new world of opportunity one of submission two years ago this girl knew nothing of the life she could have since then she has explored bdsm within two different d s relationships she continues to strive for new experiences and to become the kind of woman she wants and knows she can be the marriage is ending but this is the beginning not the end of the journey you will find open and honest thoughts events and views some of which will be sexually explicit if this disturbs you or if you are under 18 then this place is not for you this blog details thoughts and feelings about this girl s relationships hubby s struggle to come to terms with those choices and this girl s choice to become involved with a man who is already in a long distance relationship with another it is the place where this girl considers how to move forward into the rest of her life these are the ramblings of a woman who for the first time is putting herself and her pleasure before that of others in her life but always after those of her master there is also have a tumblr blog where photos from the inter web can be found along with some of this girl s feelings on variety of topics you can find it by following this l ink you can email this girl at joolz gmx us followers contributors graeme julie blog archive 2017 1 march 1 mpb chooses her own domain 2014 127 november 1 september 5 august 9 july 11 june 16 may 27 april 18 march 16 february 20 january 4 2013 104 december 5 november 1 october 2 september 7 august 4 july 12 june 5 may 11 april 17 march 17 february 13 january 10 2012 115 december 4 november 11 october 15 september 17 august 19 july 17 june 15 may 14 april 3 places i visit new beginnings saturday spankings in the beginning 5 hours ago vesta s submission ocpd 7 hours ago hermione s heart recap spanko brunch 2 0 for october 18 3 days ago submissive guide i m interested in fire play where do i start 1 week ago fondlers anonymous vung tau part 2 feed the pilgrims 1 week ago a true unfolding hello world 1 year ago the power exchange wintertime 1 year ago tmi tuesday blog 13 years of tmi tuesdays 3 years ago a reluctant bitch merry christmas 2022 version 3 years ago devlin o neill s web log pin up friday 4 years ago a dissolute life means five country pavilions to visit at expo 2020 dubai before it ends on march 31 4 years ago just chickie memahami apa yang anda pendidikan teknik akan menjadi sebelum memulai home schooling 4 years ago rabbit in chains cirque du earth 2021 a virtual convention weekend fundraiser june 4 6th 5 years ago vanillamom s blog slut interrupted 5 years ago between my sheets 10 ways to make your sex toys feel better 5 years ago lunakm protected all the things on my mind that i can t say outloud 6 years ago submission metaphor unbeaten 6 years ago beautiful submission 10th year of the great cookie exchange 6 years ago florida dom s corner more married women than men report they are satisfied with their sex lives 6 years ago malflic as twisted as ever usually dirty and sometimes funny seven seasons in thre abyss 6 years ago a kind dom youth maturity and freedom 6 years ago discipline of a naughty irish imp submission is 7 years ago power and surrender outing a call for best practices and solutions 7 years ago finallly finding me discovery and acceptance the start of my journey a collaboration with willie 7 years ago infinitesimal thoughts what ever you want sir 7 years ago a place of fancies great cookie exchange golden pyramids of sweetness 7 years ago sincerely yours tmi tuesday 8 years ago submissive sanctuary grey 8 years ago southern sir s place who am i 8 years ago more than two rss feed dealing with breakups in polyamorous relationships 8 years ago the pervocracy acting out 8 years ago willing slut goodbye 8 years ago adult blog hub sex blogs memory of touch 8 years ago under his hand little big update 8 yea...