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e health and weight all about choices and behaviors sure i could have made the choice to get divorced sooner rather than later heck i could have made the choice to stay single it s easy to say that now that i m not living in a pit of longing and loneliness for someone anyone to love me like i was before i met my xh but truthfully i was kind of a mess when i met him i was always tired i never had much energy or focus i was always depressed and anxious i was constantly dragging the undiagnosed aspie barge behind me feeling like all i did was to try to get people to like me and to fit in someplace and all i did was fail i had to work my ass off every single minute to try to understand things that nonautistic people picked up by osmosis and even then i never quite got there was all that my fault i think not so i don t think 2012 me is entitled to lecture 2002 me from on high and neither is anyone else as for my xh as blood curdling as his eating habits no doubt sound to the fresher localer and more sustainable than thou crowd even this turned out to have some basis in biology you see he had undiagnosed disabilities too among them fibromyalgia and hereditary hemochromatosis both of which put him in constant pain and completely drained his energy if you re not rich it can be extremely difficult to get whatever health issues you have properly diagnosed let alone treated his hhc was discovered by a fluke by an emergency room doctor who correctly played a hunch when ordering some lab tests otherwise he might be dead from cirrhosis now despite drinking a lot less alcohol than the average man how are you supposed to cook when even sitting at a table cutting up veggies wears you out how are you supposed to sort out your food cravings when your blood is overloaded with iron and nobody tells you and not only that as i discovered on my own food journey your brain often rejects certain foods that are allegedly good for you because of previous bad reactions ianad but my completely unscientific hunch is that the reason i was having all that trouble with wheat was because my gallbladder removal was a shock to my digestive tract that it persisted many months longer than it should have could easily be chalked up to my sooooper sensitive system i was tested extensively for celiac and other digestive diseases by both scope and blood all negative i still have problems digesting whole wheat and oats but i have plenty of sorghum amaranth quinoa and brown rice in me to keep things moving raw or undercooked vegetables can still be a problem as can certain fruits and cow s milk is still not a happy food although i can tolerate very small amounts with some lactaid now but i would not have responded well to people telling me this was all in my head or some other nonsense the reactions were real when people have a bad food encounter it will put them off that food or at least that presentation of said food that may be less likely to happen if they already have a history of liking it but more bad experiences than good will tip the balance if a mealy apple a bruised banana a bowl of mushy brown rice or some broccoli that goes down funny is their first or most recent encounter with that food it can be difficult to get them to try it again and in some cases maybe if they did try it again they would still have an unpleasant reaction because bodies are weird tm the point is it s not someone else s call to make unless they ve actually been asked for help and even then there s always something about another person you can t possibly know posted in uncategorized 7 comments can you hate my condition and not hate me february 28 2012 meowser posted by meowser recently former mets catcher gary carter passed away from a malignant brain tumor at the age of 57 and a lot of the commentary i saw on the subject came down to or sometimes was actually stated directly as cancer sucks in other words cancer sucks because it took the life of this person who we really liked they didn t mean people with cancer suck did they quite the opposite because gary carter would still have been gary carter without his having to experience glioblastoma multiforme and we d have gotten to experience a lot more gary carter without it and frankly glioblastoma multiforme is something i do not want it is something i do not want anyone i remotely care about ever to have i don t even want most people i dislike to ever have to have it it is a truly monstrous painful illness that is almost always fatal with a treatment course that can only be described as pure torture which must be undertaken for the person who has it to have even the remotest chance of survival in other words it ain t fat or for that matter autism you see nobody actually dies of being fat or autistic really either condition can possibly exacerbate other conditions but that s not the same thing as direct cause and neither of those conditions in and of themselves causes anywhere near the difficulty that is caused by people believing the world would be a better place without those of us who have them does that mean all our difficulties are socially constructed perhaps not but we won t actually know what s socially constructed and what isn t until people are willing to make room for us landon bryce recently wrote a powerful piece for the autcast site called if you hate autism you hate autistic people it got me thinking where is the line to be drawn on hating that certain conditions exist versus hating people who have them as i ve said before although i realize that other people who have experienced major depression don t necessarily feel the way i do i don t think my life has been enriched in any way by it i d be thrilled to death if you could just snip out the part of my brain that hates me so that i d never have to think about it again that is if you could do it without leaving an even bigger mess behind so far nobody knows how to do that so i rely on the evil brain drugs of doom to keep it quiet and that s just it regardless of what the condition is that s being discussed whether it s something benign but vexing like ibs or something people are irrationally boogedy scared of like autism or obesity or something that s actually potentially life threatening like 50 or higher beck score major depressive disorder here are the questions i d want to ask myself about it 1 do i feel that this condition is something i d be well rid of 2 if the answer to 1 is yes a can i fix it without breaking something else i if the answer to a is no for me personally regardless of whether someone else with that same condition could do so what price will i pay for the thing i break ii is the thing i m potentially breaking less important to me than the thing i m potentially fixing b am i saying yes mostly because it s actually a drag on my functionality or mostly because other people disapprove of it c does my yes mean i m required to go to any possible length to try to fix it over and over and over again just so people around me can be more comfortable 3 if i can t definitively answer yes to 1 a if i could fix just the aspects of it that cause me the most functional difficulty without breaking something else would i be satisfied with that b what are my limits on what i ll do to achieve that and yes i m allowed to have them it seems to me that questions 2 and 3 are not being taken seriously in this world and i want to do whatever i can do to fix that without breaking something else of course and if question number 1 returns a definitive no regardless of the condition then that s the end of that but really it s up to the person who has that condition to decide that if you love and respect me then let me tell you which is which if i have something that s truly imminently life threatening it s certainly understandable to hate this thing that could take me away from you and i probably won t be all that happy about it myself if i have something that causes me hideous pain i can understand you hating this thing that makes me suffer and i can t blame you there either i am terrible at handling pain i m pretty sure gary carter wherever he is doesn t mind people saying that cancer sucks i ll bet he wasn t too fond of it either but he probably would have a problem with people saying he should have tried every woo woo treatment in the world to try to get rid of it posted in uncategorized 7 comments who gets to eat what they love hint not women january 22 2012 meowser posted by meowser let me make one thing perfectly clear dairy related digestive iss yews notwithstanding i absolutely loathe cream cheese i despise pimentos mayonnaise rivals ipecac syrup for me in the anti emetic department so suffice it to say that paula deen s recipes for the most part do not appeal to me at all i do make a gf cf version of her cornbread dressing though and it rules i just swap out earth balance for the butter and use gluten free breadstuffs and also use mushrooms onion greens and chestnuts in lieu of the celery and white onion yummers but you see i am fat fatter than paula deen even a lot fatter than her in fact i m never supposed to eat that stuff ever at all not even for a holiday treat i shouldn t even think about it lest i incur some sort of phantom pancreatic stressor solely from imagining the taste paula and i and maybe you if you are female and have any visible flesh whatsoever are supposed to pick at salads full of rubber bands with the merest hint of olive oil and lemon while sipping diet coke like good girls day after day after day even on our birthdays because if we don t we will be punished we will not have earned the ultimate upper class good girl prize of getting to live to be 100 years old with no health problems whatsoever which would have been ours if only we had no hipster disapproved vices of any kind alcohol coffee and marijuana don t count as vices in hipster land not even in mass quantities uh huh you betcha because thin people in their 60s never ever get type 2 diabetes nope not ever for all anyone knows who doesn t watch her eat every single meal ms deen does eat more rubber band salads than chicken fried steaks but it doesn t matter she might as well eat a pound of batter fried butter cubes every day and wash it down with a gallon of pepsi laced with a quart of cherry syrup because that s what everyone wants to believe she eats only bad bad people get this bad bad disease and if you are a woman and you indulge in high fat goodies and you re any heftier than say alison brie oh boy are you bad it s a notion with about as much basis in science as step on a crack break your mother s back or for that matter don t drink or wear miniskirts and you ll never get raped and yet people fall for it they want to believe it never ceases to astonish me how quickly certain hipster atheists regardless of gender morph instantly into finger waggling church ladies the minute food gets mentioned drink like a man fuck like a man oh fuck yes but never ever ever eat like a man unless you re very very thin and even then you d better watch that intake missy youthful metabolism doesn t last forever you know there s a young chef in portland by the name of gabriel rucker he founded a couple of fancy schmancy restaurants here in town that i ve never been to that specialize in things like maple ice cream with bacon and foie gras brulee and cauliflower crepes with mornay sauce people drool at the very mention of his food the new york frigging times can t get enough of him and they re 3000 miles away you don t go to one his restaurants expecting diet food they d laugh in your face and nobody ever accuses gabriel rucker of leading people down the primrose path to pancreatic destruction hasn t happened once you see gabriel rucker is a man and he s thin nobody gives a shit if he eats that kind of stuff for every meal in fact nobody would ever think to ask him if he does i m guessing no celebrity chef eats stuff all that fancy for every single meal the cleanup alone would be a massive headache and if he announced he had t2d tomorrow do you think there d be the over the top outrage we see about deen hah oh and also gabriel rucker cooks mostly for rich people that probably has more than a little to do with it i m getting to think the most radical statement a woman can possibly make these days is i eat what i love as much as i want and if anyone doesn t like how i look because of it they can sit and spin saying i enjoy inviting entire football teams in with their pet ocelots for a nightly gang bang with fire rings and crotchless asbestos suits will be a total yawn by comparison look i do think there are legitimate moral issues surrounding deen s endorsement of a diabetes drug if you want to argue the ethics of celebrity pharmaceutical endorsements i can t really object all of them make me a little queasy if you want to argue that non insulin treatments for diabetes have limited efficacy hey we can talk about that too interesting and compelling arguments can be made either way but those are separate issues from whether or not she was obligated to open her medical file and her pantry to the whole world and put a webcam on herself every time she sat down to eat the very second she was diagnosed she was not period and you know what even if she was and still is on the fried butter and cherry pepsi diet and even if her health would have been perfect if she d been a good girl and eaten like she was told maybe she d rather not live to be 100 years old if it means office product salads and aspartame for every goddamn meal me i don t like the taste of rubber bands any more than i like pimentos pass the gluten free skillet fried pie please posted in uncategorized 19 comments fat fat haters january 6 2012 meowser posted by meowser last week as i m sure most of you know tara parker pope of the new york times did a piece called the fat trap which was both about the virtual impossibility of significant weight loss at least without literally making it a full time job and in the end also about ms parker pope revealing for the first time that she herself is a fat person and deeply ashamed of it and promising to do better like ragen says here even though it doesn t make any sense i actually felt bad for tpp reading this story i mean here s a woman with a job ten million other writers would kill for and her size estimated by her to be 60 plus pounds overweight though it s not clear how she defines that has never interfered with her health in any way and yet instead of making her date wear his dinner when he makes some snide remark about her body she s ashamed of herself instead that is some fupped up cultural programming here folks here s research right here in your face saying that almost nobody can do this and the few who do don t seem particularly happy about what they have to sacrifice to maintain it yet you hate yourself for not being able to do it anyway and will fall out the window with that superman cape on...
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