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description= Two years of infertility gone, how many more to come?;
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heartbeat filled the room it was like magic then he showed me the screen there was something which looked like a baby it had a head and arms and legs and when he pushed down a bit it wriggled like a mad thing everything looks great he said softly we both looked a bit more and he turned the sound of the heartbeat on and off showed me where it was beating in the fetus s chest it has a chest he showed me the developing placenta couldn t really see it and asked me about my fibroids these are quite big but are outside the uterus and apparently therefore will not affect the fetus s development although they may affect delivery let s cross that bridge when we come to it he wiped off the gel for me and i thanked him profusely that s fine he said i specialise in difficult pregnancies trisomies and such so it s great to see everything looking so good i m of course not reading too much into this but it was a nice thing for him to say nonetheless the fetus now measures a few days ahead i got seven pictures as a going home present including a picture of the heartbeat i think scan doctor really got what i needed i m very grateful there are people like him and my new doctor in the world and i m unbelievably inexpressibly grateful that i have a fetus that is currently thriving in my uterus it s just like magic distraction activities sunday 4 march 2007 posted by thalya in pregnancy 3 33 comments i m happily ensconced on the sofa watching american idol i am supposed to be baking for a meeting tomorrow but the bloomin dough is still not at room temperature it s been out of the fridge since 3pm what s the problem it s the first time in my life i ve made a yeast dough so i am a little concerned that i refrigerated it at the wrong point post creating the dough and kneading for five minutes but before allowing it to double in size well i ll bake them this evening and just see how they turn out it s been quite a heavy baking day as my brother and his son came to brunch so we produced a spinach chard roasted red pepper and chedder frittata some cheese scones cranberry and orange muffins ginger biscuits and sausages well i didn t bake the sausages but they were an essential contribution from my husband i was knackered by the time our guests showed up and my nephew didn t alleviate the exhaustion he is a great kid but he is going through what i would describe as an oppositional phase everything is no and he is cheeky almost to the point of rudeness i can see how hard my brother is working to keep calm as he deals with the various points of unhelpfulnesss i was glad to be able to help for a few hours i appear to still be pregnant i still have relatively few symptoms most reliable is the urgent hunger but everything else is subject to change weird ones are that i m prone to seemingly pulling a muscle in my abdomen when i sneeze i sneezed while lying down yesterday and was in pain for several minutes afterwards dunno about that one i m hoping very hard that friday brings good news particularly since h can t make the appointment we got but concerned that we won t even get a scan i might have to call and ask i was having enough of a freakout on friday that h suggested we go in to the clinic for another scan in the meantime but i really feel that i ve abused the fertility clinic s hospitality enough at this stage that reminds me i forgot a dr candid funny from our last visit i told him that dr gorgeous who has done both of our recent scans told me at the last one that i really needed to relax a little more and enjoy the pregnancy h chimed in and agreed with her dr candid laughed and asked if i d decked her i have to say it hadn t even occurred to me she s been lovely at both scans even if she s a tad speedy to withdraw the wand before i ve had a good look at our passenger she meant it in the nicest possible way so it was a long way from the just relaxes of yore but it amused me that dr candid s immediate response was to humorously assume it was an annoying remark perhaps they re all learning something i do think he gets just how hard it is to stay calm throughout a pregnancy once you ve been through infertility and loss even though his referral to our new ob delivering two of his children indicates that fertility hasn t precisely been his issue i really have to find something new to write about this is dull any suggestions really discharged this time tuesday 27 february 2007 posted by thalya in pregnancy 3 the doctors 28 comments we had a lovely visit with dr candid on friday the first thing he said was how great i looked the second was to ask if we d had a recent scan h had brought the photo with him so we were able to whip it out and tell him it was from the previous day he exclaimed at how fast the embryos develop at this stage the fact we can discern the head and the limb buds it s not a great photo but i may scan it at some point anyway if i can find a scanner he then launched into a discussion of our pre natal care options he first went through the two nhs choices of midwife led or consultant led he then started discussing private care when one of the first things he said was so one of the advantages will be that you can call anytime and be pretty much guaranteed a consultation with your doctor within 24 hours h laughed and said why did you bother telling us about the other ones then dr candid laughed too and agreed he d been wasting our time it turns out that our clinic is attached to one of the best fetal medicine units in the uk so it is a no brainer to be referred to one of the consultants there dr candid remarked that all the gynaes he knows have their children privately but in an nhs hospital so that you get the nice room the good food the consistent doctoring but that if something goes wrong all the right equipment the nicu etc are right there the private hospital where many of my colleagues have delivered has the problem that if something goes wrong you re in an ambulance to the nearest nhs hospital he gave us two names then went to check which one of the two would be better suited to us given dates he came back saying he had the right answer as one of the two specialises in treating women with mthfr and as dr candid had asked him about me the first thing he d said was tell me she s on extra folic acid and dr candid had been able to reassure him so we have an appointment with the ob for the 9th march when i will be 11 weeks bang on sadly h won t be able to come but i decided to go ahead anyway i think waiting any longer will make me very nervous the additional upside this guy delivered two of dr candid s children and all the children of one of the other consultants at our clinic a pretty good recommendation no i described my continued nervousness and dr candid reassured us that our chances of this working out at this point are the same as anyone else s we are past the point where we had the previous losses and it all looks good and this is not an art pregnancy so the risks are lower dr candid finished the appointment by introducing us to the women who run the antenatal clinic and made us promise to stay in touch and to send him photos of the baby photos despite the wonderful scan i continue to not really feel pregnant we saw that fetus it s a fetus now wriggling away on the ultrasound but it felt almost as if they were scanning someone else s stomach how can all that be happening inside me and i don t even feel it from reading other pif blogs i m guessing it doesn t ever become really real i continue to get ravenous at short notice at which point the urge to eat becomes overwhelming barely any nausea and even the boobs have calmed down somewhat but i think i am now more worried about the nuchal scan finding a problem than i am about the fetus dying i know that it can but i also know the chances of that are now low and my knowing is starting to have some effect on my emotions not much but some long may it continue miraculous thursday 22 february 2007 posted by thalya in pregnancy 3 the doctors 74 comments measures 9w1d ish she didn t give me the measurements heart still thumping away amniotic sac clearly visible and it moved little limb buds wriggling i m in awe of what is going on inside me without me noticing bastard symptoms wednesday 21 february 2007 posted by thalya in infertility pregnancy 3 25 comments i m hoping this is because i m i travelling so my body clock is messed up and ii because i ve been snacking a lot on dried fruit etc whenever i get hungry but i ve had no nausea for 2 days now it s really making me cross breasts still hurt a bit and i did gag last night on toothbrushing so all symptoms are not gone but it s still very scary a recently published article on miscarriage is an interesting read it s a big population based study looking at social and demographic factors largely notably caffeine consumption and eating red meat soya and other foods considered by the zita wests of this world to be bad for you had no effect on miscarriage the authors of the study managed to work this out by excluding the effect of nausea on caffeine consumption women with nausea are less likely to have a miscarriage but also less likely to drink caffeine as they don t like the taste of it so if you disassociate the effect of nausea it turns out women who drink caffeine have no higher a rate of miscarriage than the rest of the group and of course i noticed that women with nausea have a lower rate of miscarriage i have to have something to fuel the fires of my paranioia right a bunch of factors i had not expected were linked to increased risk of miscarriage including paternal age over 45 years and changing partners between pregnancies unsurprising but annoying risk factors include high level of stress whether innate or caused by your job or a single very stressful event presumably a death in the family etc i m trying very hard not to let my job stress me out but it s very easy to get stressed about not being stressed infertility is a risk factor as is art so given my age etc i d say i end up in a fairly high risk category although not top of the line given i don t drink there are no paternal risk factors i am not underweight and have never had a termination actually doing the count i have 6 out of 16 risk factors but also have 7 out of 11 postive indicators so not too bad anyway the stats are just interesting they don t determine the outcome of any specific pregnancy right now i want to stay optimistic but am terrified i booked the scan tomorrow in the middle of the day since that was the most convenient slot to fit in all my other commitments now i m terrified that i m going to have to go and be on top form after bad news do you think the level of insanity increases with distance from the last scan or with the inverse of time to the next scan distributing drugs sunday 18 february 2007 posted by thalya in infertility the doctors 3 comments marie baguette has some drugs she d like to dispatch to a good home she s in nyc so if you are somewhere close this is the best bet please go and visit her if this would work for you also she s just been through a selective reduction of her quadruplet pregnancy removing her identical triplets to leave the singleton behind so i m sure she d love a few extra visitors i don t even have the excuse that i m vomiting when i blog sunday 18 february 2007 posted by thalya in pregnancy 3 23 comments 8w2d and who knows what the embryo is doing in there i went to the clinic yesterday and didn t get a scan it nearly killed me the reason i had to go on a saturday without even the hit of a scan was that dr candid kindly wrote me a repeat prescription for the drugs i m on and h very kindly went to pick it up and fill it on friday sadly neither dr candid nor h recognised that i m actually on cyclogest suppositories this time rather than the gestone i was on for our last few ivf cycles i m really not about to start injecting myself in the butt again so we had to go and get a new prescription from dr gorgeous yesterday morning and try to return the gestone despite it still being in sealed packets and having been dispensed just 15 hours before they will only destroy it it turns out what a waste i nearly asked dr gorgeous for a scan but she didn t offer and i felt as if i was being weak in even asking for one so i didn t i then agonised to h about it for a good 30 minutes as we sat in the pharmacy but somehow managed to leave the area of the clinic with the right drugs and without the scan the fact we have an appointment for this thursday for a nearly nine weeks scan already set up made me feel somewhat better this is in preparation for seeing dr candid on friday for a discussion of our antenatal care hah the man is a real optimist but my lack of optimism means i decided to have a scan before the appointment so that we were sure we were talking about the real issues when we met i m very stupid and keep reading terrible stories of embryos looking great at 7 or 8 weeks and subsequently dying i know it s unusual but we all also know it happens despite this i m generally feeling in balance not terribly pessimistic not utterly optimistic i am pregnant for now i have felt organised and optimistic enough to book the nuchal scan already i m going to the same clinic that katty went to with the man who basically invented the quad test so i feel that we will be in good hands because he only scans on wednesdays and they think the test is best done between 12 and 13 weeks we re having the scan on the 21st march when i will be 12w5d if we get that far still a long long way to go but essential to book it now as you can imagine how booked up he gets i continue to feel that the universe has it all wrong in how it hands out pregnancy symptoms first it gives people like poor beth hg and makes her pregnancy nearly unbearable then it hands out a list of symptoms as long as your arm to your average pregnant woman pick up any pregnancy book even the sensible ones like lesley regan s and you get a long list of things you may be feeling tired sick food aversions veins standing out on your breasts breasts growing areolas darkening breast sensitivity etc etc but the average pregnant woman isn t terribly worried about her pregnancy she just wants to get on with life why is she feeling exhausted and sick and why are so many of us infertiles given nothing to go on leggy katty and others have all commented how they ve had nothing much in the way of syptoms shouldn t there be some kind of allocation system that hands these things out to those of us who need them but silly me if that was true none of us would have been infertile in the first place h keeps pointing out that despite my moaning about lack of symptoms i do actually have a reasonable number of indicators to whit boobs are sore no longer just the nipples the whole area to the extent that h made me yelp yesterday afternoon when he gave me a big hug they hurt a lot less in the morning after a ni...
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