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that deserves to die as painfully as possible is asperger s in that same category of soul sucking life threatening puke vortex i don t think so not enough of one that i would monkey with my other major organs in order to turn my brain right side in whatever that means want more badd click here for the full list posted in uncategorized 21 comments how a bowl of oatmeal pissed me off february 25 2011 meowser posted by meowser right now as i m typing the number 1 most e mailed story on the new york times site is mark bittman s evisceration of mcdonald s oatmeal the article pisses me off and i ve been trying to figure out why it pisses me off so much it s not because i m such a big fan of either mcdonald s or oatmeal both of which i ve always considered to be food i eat if i ever do because it s there and not much else is it s not something i ever really crave your mileage on either may of course vary but that s just me and truth be known i already do most of the things that foodie scolds like bittman think i should be doing even more so now that my diet has been purged of stuff that makes me too ill to function and i m sure they d be pleased as punch if not for the fact that i m deathfat and thus in their eyes automatically in need of a conservatorship even without taking my brain cooties into account i like the fact that bittman in his own way is trying to make cooking less intimidating and gods help me i actually like some of his recipes i ve made his cornmeal pancake recipe without the pine nuts a couple of times and it s wonderful and easy and i don t necessarily think it s a bad idea to talk about perceived versus actual convenience having once been married to someone who thought it took 30 minutes to empty the dishwasher and 40 minutes to drive from san francisco to reno if you have access to a grocery store cooking space and instruments plus a little heat retaining storage container for your oatmeal he s probably right that it s faster to just nuke some rolled oats or put them in milk and let them soak while you re in the shower than it is to go to mcd s and he s probably also right that there s more nutritional value in that then in any kind of instant oatmeal and it will be cheaper too so why am i so irritated with the article well for starters bittman is one of those you must cook people who make me want to throw eggs on the kitchen floor deliberately there was another article of his that i m too annoyed to want to bother looking up now where he said having lousy kitchen facilities was no excuse for not cooking after all he lived in a place with lousy kitchen facilities and he just asked a neighbor if he could borrow theirs yeah ahem that s if you know people with a better kitchen and if you know them well enough to ask them if it s okay to make a mess in their space and if they d say yes and if they don t live so far away that everything you make will get cold by the time you get it home and if it s actually safe for you to be there by yourself and if you can manage to carry all the stuff over there and back all of which of course will be a slam dunk for every single nyt reader since poor or disabled or geographically isolated people don t ever read it and if they do they re not in the nyt s prime demographic anyway so nyaah so i ll admit it bittman was walking a fine line on my personal annoying useful scale already and i think i hit upon what pushed him over to the annoying side it s all the stuff about zomgcalories and yuckchemicals and although he doesn t mention fat people specifically he might as well mcdonalds and the unwashed masses it s practically a recipe for interplanetary fatty boom bah doom now granted most of his article focuses not on how people have tuna cans where their brains should be if they think this stuff is healthy but on how mcd s should be ashamed of themselves for telling people it s healthy when it s not why he demands couldn t it be made with honey and skim milk instead er maybe because they tested it and people didn t like it but all you have to do is read one page of the comments to know that the implication is exactly what bittman intends you are a tuna brain if you eat this stuff ever even with a free coupon making your own oatmeal or your own whatever is what sets you apart from the hoi polloi who are foolish enough to think five minutes waiting alone in the drive through for a little peace and quiet is some sort of gift because you know exactly what it s like to have to work two jobs to feed your kids and only get three hours of sleep a night and one more set of dirty dishes plus a microwave mop up shouldn t faze anyone period end of sentence but seriously is this stuff any worse for you than instant oatmeal you buy in the market or at starbuck s and frankly with my digestive wonkitude it s practically the only thing i could eat there for breakfast hold the cream if i was on the road or something i ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about the onus against processed food and i wonder where the line is for the foodie scolds isn t everything we eat processed in some way is my brown rice pasta which consists of brown rice flour and water a processed food after all that s not how rice looks coming off the bush right my daiya non dairy cheese is processed all the way and whole foods sells it proudly fish from the fish market well it s not like they have a boat and a net and a freshly stocked lake in the back of the store and they just throw it off the boat to you someone has to take the bones out and clean it and pack it and treat it to prevent spoilage look i m all in favor of nutrition and i d definitely say that if millions of people have to make the choice every day of eat mcdonald s or starve that s a pretty sad state of affairs but then again i don t see anyone rushing in to fill the vacuum with anything better that is of comparable price point ubiquity and near universal digestibility plus more optimal nutrition know what s really not healthy not eating at all i m not sure where the foodie scolds get the idea that it would be better to let poor people starve to death than give them mcd s but way too many of them seem to believe that and it s scary posted in uncategorized 48 comments quickie reblog fategories february 16 2011 meowser posted by meowser i don t usually do this but hey if cutting and pasting s good enough for d s age it s good enough for me about a year ago i did a post called fategories yes i finally fixed the spelling in the post although i can t manage to fix the url wherein i came up with my theory about why so very many people are so very eager to hack up unsolicited diet tips anywhere there s fat people especially fat people who say they don t want their farkakte diet tips it s because there are four basic human metabolic categories and people giving the diet tips mistakenly essentialize their experience in getting and staying thin as universal to wit category 1 is people who can get and or stay thin through no effort whatsoever in fact they would have a very hard time not being thin if ever called upon to do so category 2 is people who can get and or stay thin with a token effort that is doing so doesn t take over their entire life although they might not be able to get quite as thin as they think they should be if their body ideal hovers somewhere below a bmi of 20 category 3 is people who can get and or stay thin or even anywhere close to it only by devoting their entire lives forever to the cause and category 4 is people who won t be able to get and or stay thin or anywhere close no matter what they do most diet tip hacks are category 2 s who mistakenly think everyone else is a category 2 but occasionally you do get category 3 s who think everyone should have the exact same degree of obsession that they do and for the most part either haven t passed the 5 year mark or haven t lost more than 30 pounds to meet their goal and sometimes you get category 1 s who are blissfully unaware of their genetic privilege once more with ketchup if you think you believe in human diversity but you draw the line at body size sleep requirements physical and mental ability and predisposition to sustain daily multi hour vigorous workouts forever and indulgence in the desire to have a decent sized slice of one s own birthday cake you don t believe in human diversity one of the slog posters on lindy west s post said something like this which i will shamelessly paraphrase in order to avoid crashing my browser and yours with a mega comment thread if you only need five hours of sleep to feel fresh and alive great if you never eat sugar or flour and never ever want to fabulous if you have such a great time in the gym at 5 am that you never want to leave wonderful if a spirulina shake at lunch fills you up for the next six hours congratulations really but why does everyone have to be your clone posted in uncategorized 9 comments the happy foods list a work in progress january 11 2011 meowser posted by meowser after my last post the well rounded mama asked me in comments whether i had plans to do a post about what stuff i can eat without tummy trouble why yes in fact i did and here it is now bear in mind a few things one i haven t tested everything yet in isolation particularly some fruits that are out of season i ll be marking a few items as subjects for future research also i m still trying to figure out for how long a problem food is going to continue giving me problems i ve been known to have asplodey after one bite of an ostensibly safe food or even after drinking water eating or drinking anything is bound to stimulate the gastrocolic reflex especially if it s feeling particularly sensitive as mine does for the first few hours after i get up but chances are pretty good that if asplodey happens immediately it has a lot more to do with something i ate quite a while before that maybe even a few days before that for all i know transit time can be tough to pin down and i m not going to discount stress including the unbelievable amounts of stress i was subjected to pre aspie diagnosis as a factor in stomach upset either not to mention decades of ibuprofen and naproxen overuse for my killer cramps because my first gyn scared me by saying there s a death rate on the pill right doc and there s no death rate on hurting so badly every three weeks that you want to yank your uterus out and flush it down the john nor have i ruled out the possibility that my problems could be a harbinger of something more serious and i m actually strongly considering getting scoped in order to rule that out but when i ve eaten something my southern half disagrees with i do start getting inklings of it pretty quickly so here goes stuff i can eat when i first get up hoo boy this has been the landmine for me for a long time i was getting up so late that my breakfast was my partner s dinner i ve since realized that i can t really do that i have to acclimate my digestive tract to the fact that it s expected to receive nutrition after being in a stupor for the last 9 give or take hours now i make sure there s at least a few hours between the time i get up and the time i eat dinner type foods and i make sure to have something small first i ve tried high protein breakfasts mixed carbs and protein just carbs high fat low fat medium fat big breakfasts little breakfasts medium sized breakfasts fruit only breakfasts you name it and this is what i ve come up with the best thing for me is a small bowl of gluten free cereal and some hemp or soy milk and if i handle that okay follow it up half an hour later with some berries frozen if off season my favorite is mesa sunrise flakes which i get in economy bags from the local hippie stores they taste great and i ve never had any belly rebellion after eating them if i have to dash and don t have time for that i carry some raw cashews and some mary s gone crackers with me and eat either or both them when i get peckish i may look for a different gf cracker besides mgc though they taste fine but sometimes they make my teeth hurt if you have recommendations feel free to share stuff i don t know about because i haven t had a chance to test it yet cherries peaches nectarines plums melons grapefruits who knows oranges seem to be on the no list but small amounts of lemon and lime juice don t bother me asparagus artichokes cauliflower clarified drawn butter or ghee as long as i m mindful of when i m about to reach salicylate overload i can tell if i m starting to feel agitated apropos of nothing in particular i can consume the following broccoli must be careful of undercooked stems due to fodmap issues eggplant olives spices herbs coffee tea peppers though i hate bell peppers and pimentos yams zucchini cucumbers spinach water chestnuts alfalfa sprouts berries dried apricots grapes almonds avocados olive oil coconut oil sesame oil cornmeal pine nuts pistachios macadamias mint pickles popcorn wine rum vinegar mustard worcestershire sauce fodmap listed stuff i know i can work with are the following anything in the onion family as long as i don t eat the white parts of the flesh i can cook with it for flavoring broccoli beware undercooked stems carrots if cooked or shredded and i have a little dextrose with it tomato sauce or ketchup if i have a little dextrose with it any legumes including soy products and any flours or noodles made from legumes brown rice as long as i don t go too hog wild with it pomegranate juice it s tart so i just use a little for flavoring fizzy water small amounts of honey fruit sweetener including agave or even hfcs which i avoid for metabolic reasons but if some sneaks past me on rare occasion it s not going to kill me coconut milk or cream small amounts of sucrose table sugar or brown sugar i e table sugar plus molasses gatorade sweetarts and smarties are my go to sources for dextrose at the moment though i m considering getting some dextrose powder to see if it s more effective foods that are generally no problem for me at all see above for caveat about breakfast all nuts not listed above any kind of fish meat or poultry all non gluten containing grains not listed above oats can be okay depending on processing tamari liquid aminos all vegetables and tubers not listed above bananas if they re not underripe or overripe mangoes small amounts of dark chocolate if not made with milk fats garlic salt eggs all oils not listed above earth balance spread indispensible in baking vanilla extract gluten free beer sparkling water fish sauce liquid smoke hemp milk i just got an imperia pasta maker and am starting to make my own gf pastas flour blend is 1 3 garbanzo 1 3 cornstarch 1 3 tapioca it doesn t taste beany at all once it s cooked yum i also ordered some better batter flour mix to try out so that my partner can i hope go back to doing the baking he used to do before i started tinkering he s not doing the same restrictions i am but he also doesn t want 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