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lewis twins lewis twins wednesday september 2 2015 been a long time i thought about my blog the other day and decided to come back to visit after reading through old posts i felt compelled to write again i am sure that no one is visiting this page by now not that it matters i never started this so people would read what i had to say i did it so i could have a place to release my sadness my anger my grief writing was a way for me to process what i was feeling and to help me heal i realized that i have come a long way it has been 6 years since we last said goodbye to gavin and parker so much has changed in my life so much more happiness i have two beautiful healthy rainbow babies they are 5 and 2 they bring so much joy to chad and i i guess that is why they are called rainbow babies in the first place they were and are the hope after that terrible storm i am also now a co facilitator of a support group in my area i decided that i wanted to do something with the pain that i had been feeling the boys give me strength to make it through everyday now that 6 years have passed i have lost some friends and family members have went away but i have met some new friends that have become family we still attend all the share events and visit the cemetery all the time i love that they are still very much apart of lives because i was scared that they would be forgotten or just fall by the waste side i still think about them every single day and still when i see twins or hear people talk about them i tear up i am proud that my living children know and talk about the boys all the time a few days ago my kids each got a balloon and my daughter said that we had to get one for parker and gavin to let go up to heaven it was so sweet and makes my heart so happy well that is it for now i don t know when i will be back posted by 2andcounting at 10 52 pm no comments monday april 4 2011 2 years i cannot believe it has been two years since i last held my boys my heart is breaking i am just not sure how to feel right now i hate being sad i hate this feeling i miss them so much every single day having brooklyn makes me realize everything i missed having twin boys i wonder where i would be today if they were still alive what would be doing if we had two 1 1 2 year olds i keep going back to when we were told we were having two babies i was 8 weeks along it was my first ever ultrasound and both grandparents were there i was shaking but man i was so excited i thought it was the coolest thing as there are no twins in the family then a few months later my dream was crushed there was no stopping them from being bornand there was nothing the doctors could do to save them looking back this could have been prevented i seriously blame myself i was in pain and just brushed it off if i would have went in on thursday when the pain started there are a number of things they could have done they could have stitched me up but me on bed rest and give the boys steroids my sister was born 3 months early this is what they did and she survived i just wish i could go back to that week all i m doing is rambling but it feels good to get it off my chest posted by 2andcounting at 3 37 pm no comments monday february 28 2011 been a long time i cannot believe i have went this long without writing here i am ashamed this is exactly what i wanted to not happen in no way have i forgotten about my boys i think about them every day but i don t spend all my attention on them now that time has passed people don t bring them up anymore when i was grieving all my time and energy went to them now that time has passed and has healed my heart that is not true i wish i could give them as much attention as i do brooklyn but that will never be the case i just don t know what to do i miss them so much and i wish they could be here with me posted by 2andcounting at 2 49 pm no comments saturday september 11 2010 missing my boys i miss my boys so much i feel like time is flying by and they are being forgotten i just want to hold them again i regret not taking more pictures of them i regret not doing a lot of things i want to go back and change things they would probably be here today if i would have done things differently posted by 2andcounting at 9 56 am 1 comment friday july 23 2010 i know i have brooklyn but i just want to be pregnant again and not so much as missing being pregnant but i miss the innocence of it i will never get that back no matter how much i try our friends are having their baby any day and i am happy for them but i get hit with a pain of jealousy every time i hear about i just need to cry i haven t had a good cry in a long while i miss my boys so much i wish i could hold them just one more time i want to kiss them and tell them how much i love them posted by 2andcounting at 3 41 pm 1 comment tuesday june 15 2010 what was the purpose for this lately i have been struggling with why my babies had to die people say there is a purpose to everything everything happens for a reason well what is the reason for my babies dying i wish someone would tell me did god think i couldn t handle two babies at one time did he believe that i was too young to have children why did brooklyn make it here and they didn t i am grateful for her being here but i just don t understand maybe if i knew the purpose i could feel more at peace i remember the day we found out we were having twins i just couldn t believe it i never even thought of it as a possibility since there are no twins in our families i was shaking but i cannot tell you how excited i was there was never a doubt in my mind that i couldn t do it now chad on the other hand was a little scared and worried but began to get excited i just want to go back to that time that innocence that excitement i want to hold my babies again i want all three of my babies here in my arms my heart is torn posted by 2andcounting at 12 13 pm 4 comments friday june 4 2010 brooke meets her brothers we got to go home last weekend and we took brooke to the cemetery i wish the boy s were closer so we could visit more often but it was a nice day and we just sat out there for awhile brooke was awake the whole time which i loved there was also a very special moment when we were getting ready to leave chad asked brooke if she was ready to go and i swear she lifted up her index finger as if saying one minute and then put it back down so we stayed for a few more minutes it was so cute i miss my boys so much i started going back to my support group meetings it feels so nice to just talk about them that is the only place i can fully just talk about them that one night a month will be devoted to them mommy loves you gavin and parker there is not a day that goes by that i do not think about you posted by 2andcounting at 4 24 pm 1 comment older posts home subscribe to posts atom gavin parker this was taken right after birth gavin is darker and more developed because he was taking in more nutrients blog archive 2015 1 september 1 been a long time 2011 2 april 1 february 1 2010 13 september 1 july 1 june 2 may 1 april 2 march 2 february 1 january 3 2009 42 december 3 november 3 october 3 september 1 august 4 july 13 june 7 may 8 remember go ahead and mention my children the ones that died you know don t worry about hurting me further the depth of my pain doesn t show don t worry about making me cry i m already crying inside help me to heal by releasing the tears that i try to hide i m hurt when you just keep silent pretending they didn t exist i d rather you mention my children knowing that they have been missed you asked me how i was doing i say pretty good or fine but healing is something ongoing i feel it will take a lifetime elizabeth dent about me 2andcounting chad and i lost our twin boys parker and gavin on april 4 2009 due to ic at 22 weeks gestation after a few minutes they grew wings and flew to heaven we will forever be the parents of two beautiful baby boys now we have a rainbow baby on the way and this is our life after loss view my complete profile my blog list the reiber s remembering our triplet angels 16 years today 1 year ago a fifth season a year and then some 7 years ago ellis jane welcome 11 years ago tuesday s hope six on a tuesday 12 years ago the hardest work you ll never love it s been a while 13 years ago freyja ione kees henry shelby found a treasure 13 years ago almost a mother lfca 13 years ago kate s corner it s been a long time 13 years ago persevering to become an earthly mommy 2 year check up 14 years ago living without sophia and ellie happy 3rd birthday sophia and ellie 14 years ago missing mackenzie scentsy for sahm dreams 14 years ago what s cooking or not an introduction 15 years ago my forever family giveaway winners and my 100th post 15 years ago our boys 3 year birthday thoughts 15 years ago my baby butterfly ella made with love 15 years ago ramblings of my heart and soul things that make you go hmmm 16 years ago missing sydney new blog 16 years ago the mareno stories poor neglected blog 16 years ago footprints of angels seasons of life bring the rain lord i m ready for a new one 16 years ago the loving side of anencephaly angel of god 17 years ago when i get there four months and counting 17 years ago whispered support welcome 17 years ago share your thoughts two in heaven one on earth the peeks footprints on our hearts to write their names in the sand missing you always followers gavin david lewis taken an hour after birth parker lee lewis taken an hour after birth watermark theme theme images by ollustrator powered by blogger