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ting in the end for the longing of what you may not have well i just didn t want to do that 2 i have had probably the most amazingly easy babies ever she has never had any colic health issues tantrums you name it she is just happy alert a great nurser great scheduler great sleeper and just perfect my little buddy i call her and some of you going through if and then having babies who may read my blog may feel pain with my success at having a good baby so i didn t want to cause hurt there either on a side note no she s not sleeping through the night i haven t wanted her to i love my nighttime nursing sessions she goes 3 hrs during the day between feedings and 4 6 at night i nurse at 12 1am and 5 6am i d love to drop the 5 6am one but i want to keep my supply nice and full and i also treasure out nighttime cuddles and how drowsily she nurses so don t measure my success as a parent by something i don t care about 3 working 20 hours a week with a desire to put in 30 hours a week with a deployed husband and a baby all to myself working out my post baby body daily yay for jillian michaels 30 day shred and my stepper a bible study church small group and various friend get togethers mid week and well there isn t much blogging time there you have it and yet i feel like now i should at least post an update maybe i ll be better at this maybe not i am still subscribed to about 50 if bloggers and former ifers i just don t comment anymore largely because i am too lazy to switch my usename back and forth between my personal google account and my if one how about some of you comment and tell me if you d like to still read i won t be offended if i don t get comments some things are just part of seasons of our lives i d resume this when we want to try ivf again of course maybe in 2010 so honestly this is how i feel about motherhood if anyone had told me how utterly amazing and fun and wonderful it is and i d truly understood i would have had an ever harder time waiting to be a momma motherhood fits me like a glove i love every single minute of it really nursing has got to hands down be one of my very favorite close bonding wonderful experiences it took a while for me to truly adore it the first few weeks i loved it but with her nursing every two hours for an hour at a time i had only about 45 minutes to do any task so it was exhausting even though rewarding but baby girl is now on a 3 hour schedule where she will wake eat play for 1 5 hours and then nap for 1 5 hours repeat all day it suits us beautifully she went from taking an hour to eat to 45 minutes to 20 at around 9 weeks i kept worrying she wasn t getting enough because i guess i expected her to gradually get fast at eating but i d pump one side while she nursed and i d get 4oz every time in 10 minutes so i knew she was getting around 6 8 oz if she ate at the rate i pumped plenty of good wet diapers and good skin elasticity as well and weight gain so again proof she was well fed i continually read about her development at what it should be and what s coming up she is always right on or slightly ahead she loves being read to and we go through all of her short books every day pretty much i lie on the ground next to her and hold it above my head so she can see the pictures she loves this she loves toys that dangle and shake and have bright reds and yellows she does well for short periods of quiet time where i set her in a chair or swing just to watch me work in the kitchen or take a shower in fact every morning i wait to get my shower until she s up so she gets 10 15 minutes of quiet time learning to sit and play by herself daily showers are not something i ve ever missed since she was born and i m not ready to either i have made it a priority she is however very spoiled with all my attention if i have someone over or have to put her in the car to drive to atlanta she will fuss and cry eventually because she is not getting face to face time with me i have to be making eye contact with her it s not good enough for her just to see me i have to interact with her yes i ve created a firstborn with needs for my attention but i love to lavish it on her i don t know when she will have a sibling whether via ivf or adoption and so i m willing to lavish lots of love and playtime on her in fact if she s awake i try not to do much else unless again i m intentionally giving her the quiet play time i want her to learn that when she was firstborn we pretty quickly implemented the 5 s s from happiest baby on the block they fit her to a t she loves any kind of white noise and now music in the car she loves she adores being swaddled i adore it too so cute she likes the paci at times it s a lifesaver when i ve got 5 minutes to checkout at the grocery but she s done it ll buy me a little time i read in that book about the chart with how much newborn to 12 week old babies cry usually it was at least an hour a day i felt shamelessly blessed since she cried and still cries about 2 3 minutes a day less than 10 definitely 10 if we ve got a nap in the car or carseat if i was out running errands amazing i love carrying her in my whole cloth wrap the best when i m out at wal mart or whatnot she enjoys it so much as well and my sling if she s sleeping she not as into that one now that she s bigger what else well that s enough for now lots for you guys to read and of course here is the little princess at 1 33 pm 15 comments labels baby girl sunday february 1 2009 announcing baby girl as you probably guess by now our beautiful baby daughter elyana came into the world on monday january 19th at 4 05pm it was after 35 hours of labor but naturally i e unmedicated as i wanted she weighed 7lb 13oz 20 and 3 4 inches long my husband was amazing i would not have continued on natural childbirth without his encouragement and clear headedness at all the times i needed it here s a bit of a synopsis of her birth story my labor contractions started by waking me 5 30am on sunday morning i labored at home until about 8 30pm when we headed to the hospital there was never a this is it moment or a surety we weren t going too early but went we did i was 4 5cm dialated but with contractions 60 70 seconds long and 3 minutes apart so we did what we thought best in retrospect it made the night very long and uncomfortable for j at least at home he could have really slept in his own bed for a few hours i did not need heavy coaching during all that time although he was coaching and helping me from the very beginning i was a classic putterer case in bradley speak i realized that myself by monday morning when i was only a 6 7cm dialated and even told j that my midwife had taken the weekend off entirely and turned her cell phone off i knew ahead of time she was doing it but never really figured i d go early as it was it did not matter because j was entirely what i needed we had awesome nurses that were so so wonderful another god send but they pretty much left us to labor ourselves as j had it well in control by 12 i had the urge to push and 12 50 started after the doctor came by and checked the baby and me at this point i let them break my water since we thought it could hurry things up and i was tired of being in labor at this point let s just say after an hour and a half the baby had moved further back and the doctor started giving us a lecture on trying pitocin possibly an epidural and the moving to a c section if those failed he was ready to go and called me failure to progress seroiously after only 1 1 2 hours j and i knew we should continue as the baby had been doing awesome on the fetal monitor with every contraction let s just say an hour and a half later elyana came into the world another doctor delieverd which i was glad for and it was amazing we are so so overwhelmed with this little girl she is precious and so good and is just beautiful she has stolen our hearts being a mommy is the most wonderful thing i am loving it so much and treasuring every moment with her even the sleepless nights it is amazing how a child like this can erase the intense pain of the last three years we stand in awe at what a precious gift she is here are a few beautiful pictures at 4 36 pm 20 comments labels our daughter pregnancy 2 wednesday january 14 2009 no baby yet so i m 39 weeks today no sign of when baby girl will make her grand entrance into the world on friday i started having contractions they were very different than braxton hicks i d always read that bh weren t painful and i found that to be untrue however in light of hours of real contractions i quickly realized the difference bh are very uncomfortable and there is a lot of pressure but it s not painful not truly anyway real contractions are obvious when they start whereas my bh sort of dawns on me also you have to concentrate or breathe or stop through a real contraction bh you just sort of wait for the annoying sensation to go away anyway i monitored them by writing the duration and length apart that they were for about 2 hours they came between 4 7 minutes apart and lasted from 25 35 seconds i would have to concentrate through them but could talk sometimes and i d smile when they were done if any of you have read the bradley book on labor you ll notice all these signs indicate i was still only in stage 1 of the emotional roadmap of labor the 3 stages of labor are excitement seriousness and self doubt at the time i didn t know where it was all leading but by 11pm they started near 11am i went to bed knowing i needed a good night s sleep anyway by the next morning they were tapering off i got out the bradley book and re read the chapter on labor out loud to my husband and it helped us immensely we were able to identify where i was and where i never got it should make next time much easier with this fresh in our minds after the real thing i don t call this false labor it s basically my body readying itself to get the baby out but taking its time the good thing about all that too was that we finally got serious about really being ready my bag and the baby s are all packed now the car seat is ready to go her clothes are all washed and ready to wear we have newborn diapers at last i had tons of size 1 s from showers but no newborn ones and the room is ready it s devoid of decorations on the wall but everything functional is there my appointment yesterday wasn t that great i had a 3 protein level in my urine but minimal swelling and my bp is its steady 100 60 so pre eclampsia is something they re watching for asking me to watch carefully for blurry vision swelling of face hands headaches and to monitor my bp over the next few days i also went from measuring 36cm at 38 weeks to 35cm at 39 weeks not good i m always 2cm behind but the baby s always been spot on for gestational age so they ordered an ultrasound for this friday to check the baby s growth and amniotic fluid level at first i freaked out and cried and worried once i was in the privacy of my car but now i m just going to pray and not worry the fact that they didn t make me do it right then and there shows me it can t be that urgent right i know i m small and maybe the baby just dropped more she was at a minus 1 station last week anyway assuming i make it to friday i ll hopefully have some good news on the baby at this point i d rather meet her in person than get an ultrasound at 8 53 am 5 comments labels labor symptoms pregnancy 2 monday december 15 2008 warning baby girl pictures today i just feel like making a happy post i got 3 d pictures of baby girl about 2 weeks ago and i finally am uploading them to share she is just beautiful i can swear i see my husband s nose on her i hope so he s had nightmares that the sperm got mixed up at wh and this wasn t his baby i think she smiled at us in one of the pictures i have been utterly pleased with my doctor s ultrasound equiptment i don t think i ve yet witnessed anyone who gets pictures at the same weeks as i do who has better quality which is surprising considering what a smallish town i live in we are planning on traveling back to nc an 8 hour car trip for the week between christmas and new year s i don t know that the midwife will like it and frankly it really unnerves me thinking that at that point i could go into labor be 36 weeks and be considered full term i don t want to have the baby without a midwife without anyone i m familiar with but i guess i have to weigh the risks and stakes and be ok with going which i guess i am hmmm i doubt the baby is permanently head down yet they said she was at 33 weeks but i know she s not engaged yet because i know what that feels like when she s really settled in i am not afraid of labor but i do feel it s a huge huge unknown that i m really unprepared for even as much as i read or practice i have had two baby showers now and felt utterly humbled and grateful and unworthy i cried at each one but made a special point to explain that i valued everyone s support love and prayers that got us to this point and i rather felt they should be the ones receiving the presents for going through the trenches with us i am grateful for all the help with getting stuff though because babies take a lot of stuff apparently so for now i ll close with this and some pictures that make my heart ache with happiness i m thinking of you all as another holiday approaches especially those of you facing another milestone without the dear child you re so lonigng for may this be your very last at 5 37 pm 9 comments labels pregnancy 2 friday november 21 2008 i m not dead just a bad blogger so i bet you all have wondered what planet i fell off of believe me i have been incredibly busy but this blogging as the pregnancy progresses contains a huge amount of guilt for me i guess because i had such a hard time reading about most others successes that i know were i in the shoes of some of you waiting to cycle after a failed cycle lost babies bad cycles taking a break ttc naturally for a while reading a blog like mine would just hurt and all our you have helped me so much and been such a support that the last thing i desire is to cause someone pain by visiting here but i am living the dream this is what we re all praying hoping dreaming striving for is it not we all desire a pregnancy with a live baby at the end of it first of all sometimes that door closes and we pursue other options but i guess i want to be honest and my living truth is that the pain and money and time and negative after negative are so worth it when you re this close i am just now 8 months pregnant 31 weeks this baby girl kicks and moves and hiccups and plays games with her daddy he will poke at her and she will kick back it s very intentional when she chooses to play that game my husband has only been home a little over 2 weeks from our 71 day deployment and i have been in heaven with him here again the very first night back baby girl very obligingly moved underneath his hands and he was enamored with her he love...