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Text of the page (random words):
my lazy ovaries my lazy ovaries pages home about life list resources thursday august 15 2013 it doesn t go away as phenomenal as it is to have this beautiful baby in my arms at last he has not been a cure for the emotional wounds of the last four years i never expected him to be but the last few days have taken me by surprise with just how intense and sharp and close to the surface that grief still remains i knew it wouldn t really go away but i thought it would dull around the edges it doesn t it is part of me and i m not even sure i would want it to go away at this point last week i was staggered watching a twitter friend receive news that her long awaited pregnancy was over and remembering the days and weeks spent processing the loss of my own first pregnancy in vivid and excruciating detail then i finally went to the grocery store for the first time since before i was pulled from work and put on bedrest bad idea to leave thumper at home with daddy and go all alone i found myself drifting up and down the aisles with tears dripping down my face thinking how the last time i was at the grocery store in june i was still pregnant and staring down the knowledge that i will never be pregnant again and admitting that despite all the complications i do want to be pregnant again i always knew i wanted two children i knew when we had our first sight of thumper on ultrasound that i still wanted him to have a sibling and i was heartbroken that he would be an only child all of that grief came flooding back along with memories of years of pre pregnancy grocery trips spent fighting tears over other women s pregnant bellies in the aisles for some reason the produce section was always the worst all this also dregs up the memory of the phone call from the embryologist after our donor egg cycle telling me that all of our remaining embryos had stopped growing and we had none to freeze i closed my office door and sobbed for hours over those little lost lives even knowing that they were only ever potential the power of that sorrow shocked me then and it still does i never expected to be so attached to a handful of cells that weren t certain to be anything ever for a few days they were mine and then they were gone it never goes away posted by slackie o at 9 27 am 4 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels the aftermath friday august 9 2013 he s here or an eventful two months and nearly one month old to recap and catch you all up 34 weeks nst after a day of no fetal movements all fine two days later we had to put one of our cats to sleep definitely one of the most horrible moments in my life he was my first ever furbaby and had been with us for 12 years 36 week appointment bp 170 110 with protein in urine midwife pulls me out of work and puts me on bedrest nst shows baby is fine but i m not great so admitted to hospital with possible pre eclampsia ultrasound shows baby is still breech and estimates weight at 8 5 pounds already three days in hospital to monitor medicate and get bp under control last ditch ecv to turn baby not successful c section scheduled for 39 weeks bedrest continues 38 week appointment bp still elevated increased protein in urine officially diagnosed with pre eclampsia and called in to hospital for c section with only four hours notice thumper delivered healthy and perfect in every way and at only 7 5 pounds now we are four weeks out and he is hitting milestones left and right as of today he can hold his head up by himself for about 30 seconds at a time and is starting to make social sounds instead of just crying prof has taken to fatherhood like a fish to water he was absolutely made for this and i am loving watching him don this new mantle i am hitting my milestones a little more slowly but then a 40 year old body doesn t heal as quickly as a younger one might my pain levels are lingering a little higher than normal i am also struggling a bit with the baby blues combined with emotional side effects from the blood pressure meds and the inevitable baggage of infertility trauma as i said on twitter i live in fear that the universe is going to snatch my beautiful boy away from me that he s too perfect for me somehow then i wonder if losing cat two was the universe taking a sacrifice so i can keep my baby if the universe will honor that substitute i still have eight weeks before i go back to work and i m already dreading it posted by slackie o at 7 04 pm 7 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest tuesday june 4 2013 32 weeks and all s well for anyone who is still checking in that about says it all things seem to be going quite well most of the weirder symptoms problems have tapered off we had a baby shower started childbirth classes and the nursery is mostly complete i m trying to savor the whole experience knowing i will never get to do this again i never wanted this to be a pregnancy parenting blog so there will not likely be frequent posts though i will let you know how this all plays out i don t plan to disappear entirely but neither do i plan to transition this space into anything other than what it already is i will leave it as is for others to find in hopes that it can provide some comfort or reassurance that you are not alone posted by slackie o at 8 33 pm 4 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels donor egg pregnancy friday april 26 2013 march april shout out i don t really know what to say right now we are all still here inhabitant is still kicking away in the inside to my eternal relief march basically sucked as usual with occasional rays of sunshine april is sucking much less but has not exactly been blissful either i m back on pelvic rest due to random episodes of unexplained spotting and mild contractions work is completely insane and i m exhausted this week was niaw and i couldn t even tune in i spent the week owning that fact that i m still carrying a lot of sadness resentment and jealousy and that is not likely to change any time soon so i have the happy thoughts of inhabitant and the accompanying fears on his behalf plus the grief for years wasted and embryos that didn t make it and siblings that will never be and i am not feeling eloquent or even articulate much less able to rally to any battle cry for awareness i m just trying to get through one day at a time and that is going to have to be enough for now posted by slackie o at 8 11 pm 3 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels community pregnancy saturday march 16 2013 brought to you by the letter b bullets boy inhabitant is team blue we had our follow up scan to get the rest of the measurements all good kiddo measuring slightly ahead as usual cervix and placenta doing just fine and we have an official sex id we can now refer to the offspring as he and he is very active he also feels very strongly about mealtimes i get a flurry of kicks and punches every time i eat this is immensely reassuring boobs had a bit of a scare here this week i have developed what may be mastitis but no one can confirm this it doesn t hurt or itch but things are pink and warm and inflamed midwife gave me antibiotics which made no difference so i got an urgent appointment for a breast ultrasound while this failed to yield a diagnosis it did uncover two small masses in one breast one of which needed a biopsy it turned out to be cyst so a huge relief i am now off to a dermatologist to try again for a diagnosis as i am unwilling to just keep trying different antibiotics in the hope that one will do the trick sigh belly totally eclipsed by the boobs in size at my almost 20 week weigh in i was up a total of six pounds from my pre bfp weight my mom gained twelve total with me so six seems ok for the halfway point i m pretty sure five of those pounds are in my bra my belly still looks more bloated than anything i was a little concerned about this but the scan shows the inhabitant is growing just fine even slightly ahead of schedule must just be how i m built i admit i feel like it would be nice to actually look pregnant only one person has guessed at work so far they asked my boss but not me and haven t said anything aside from that basketcase i finally broke down and bought the baby bargains book in an effort to prepare myself for the onslaught of stuff that will need to be acquired in order to support the inhabitant once he makes it to the outside i made it about half way through the first section discussion of nursery furniture specifically cribs and freaked right the fuck out ended up hiding under the duvet in tears one week later and i m not exactly certain why i freaked out but i just couldn t deal i asked twitter for some advice and after a brief chat with prof we decided just to check at the ikea near his mom s house later neither of us is up to thinking that far ahead just yet ostrichville i tell you posted by slackie o at 12 12 pm 9 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels crazies pregnancy procedures older posts home subscribe to posts atom slackie o view my complete profile i m on twitter not that anyone s counting cycle 38 deivf the final frontier bfp cycle 37 done no more counting cycle 36 ivf converted to iui 8 cycle 35 ivf cancelled cycle 34 au naturale dhea cycle 33 au naturale dhea cycle 32 au naturale dhea cycle 31 ivf cancelled cycle 30 au naturale cycle 29 au naturale cycle 28 au naturale cycle 27 gonalf ovidrel iui 7 progesterone cycle 26 post op all clear cycle 25 hysteroscopy benched cycle 24 2nd opinion cycle 23 r r rest research cycle 22 benched by a cyst cycle 21 gonalf ganirelix ovidrel iui 6 acu progesterone cycle 20 gonalf ovidrel iui 5 progesterone cycle 19 acupuncture only rx break cycle 18 clomid hcg iui 4 acupuncture cycle 17 clomid iui 3 acupuncture progesterone cycle 16 clomid iui 2 cycle 15 benched by cysts cycle 14 clomid iui 1 1 2010 blighted ovum miscarriage cycle 13 clomid acupuncture bfp cycle 12 progesterone acupuncture cycle 1 11 au naturale 1 2009 bye bye bcp recommended reading stirrup queens 1106th friday blog roundup 1 day ago the road less travelled microblogmondays annoying thing food changes 5 days ago no kidding in nz navigating grief 2 weeks ago dead cow girl hello world 2 years ago mrs spit still spouting off perfect day to say goodbye 3 years ago too many fish to fry the dinosaurs surviving the crunch 4 years ago so i was minding my own business these vintage eastern bloc postcards are an architecture lover s dream neroon lots of great 7 years ago pof and now what other days 7 years ago life in the last frontier disney dreams 8 years ago my so called ttc life i m a sucker for anything pumpkin including a pumpkin doughnut 8 years ago finding my new normal kids in coffee shops yes or no 8 years ago missohkay siete 8 years ago the 2 week wait national infertility awareness week niaw flip the script a call to action 8 years ago look no tubes jusqu à la fin 8 years ago what the blog world prematurity day 2017 is tomorrow 8 years ago bohemian transplant a year later 9 years ago this is personal psn codes free we will offer as each day goes by on internet freepsn 9 years ago no baby ruth playing baseball without a bat 39 weeks 9 years ago fox in the hen house hanging in the hospital protected i ve fallen down the rabbit hole part iii mental health 9 years ago mommyodyssey a pregnant lady walks into a bar fin 9 years ago a b waiting for c daftar harga iphone 5s terbaru 9 years ago fresh fish daily new year old me 9 years ago braving ivf r turns 1 9 years ago pregnant chicken i d like to thank the stranger who breastfed my baby 10 years ago his hers infertility just like the matching towels official wait 10 years ago evolutionary dead end it s all over the wanting children thing that is not the blog apparently or 10 years ago mellow in the midwest sigh 10 years ago infertility musings hello and goodbye 10 years ago womb for improvement no womb for improvement 10 years ago the infertility voice surviving a miscarriage during the holiday season 10 years ago bodega bliss still not better battle wounds 11 years ago flotsam 0 1 2 3 11 years ago ready for my turn i ve been away 11 years ago a little pregnant surprising no one 11 years ago parenthood for me peer support group 11 years ago the infertility therapist the art of being infertile in the internet age when not to pay attention and why 11 years ago roccie road everything is coming up rocco 11 years ago quest for wisebaby when you least expect it 11 years ago from if to when 12 years ago miss ed conception a brief update 12 years ago delinquent eggs epilogue 12 years ago ready to be a mom carrots closure 12 years ago three cats and a baby clutter is relative 12 years ago do i have to be a dink one and done 12 years ago stuck in a baby drought finally an update at 23 weeks 12 years ago the princess and the pee stick our infertility journey video for ian 12 years ago scarlet baby moving to a new blog 13 years ago park slope purgatory change of address or a long awaited farewell 13 years ago the infertility overachievers identical or fraternal 13 years ago tippy tidy s tumultuous trip to twin toddlers stolen moments of sweetness 13 years ago grit and patience a quickly written post during faustin s nap 13 years ago planting a pumpkin patch one pling errr make that 13 month ling no wait 14 month ling for three more days and now she s 15 months 13 years ago born in a barn worried update 13 years ago the infertility doula in the news 13 years ago kat s ivf journey coping 13 years ago the zen of the egg hunt oh hai i had a baby 14 years ago theportofindecision wtf wednesday 14 years ago moving on to the next plan news at last 14 years ago the fertilely challenged black sheep new blog 14 years ago hesitantly optimistic 3 months down forever to go 15 years ago single infertile female now what adventures in infertility land busted plumbing when mother nature kicks you right in the ovaries allison s wonderland baby steps to motherhood so call me crazy show 10 show all the best of the adoption loss infertility blogs of 2012 the best of the adoption loss infertility blogs of 2011 the best of the adoption loss infertility blogs of 2010 stirrup queen s completely anal list of blogs that proves that she really missed her calling as a personal organizer blog archive 2013 11 august 2 it doesn t go away he s here or an eventful two months june 1 april 1 march 2 february 1 january 4 2012 38 december 1 november 8 october 4 september 2 august 2 july 3 june 2 may 1 april 6 march 6 february 1 january 2 2011 97 december 3 november 1 october 12 september 7 august 4 july 4 june 11 may 10 april 8 march 12 february 12 january 13 2010 74 december 7 november 9 october 11 september 8 august 11 july 7 june 13 may 8 click here to submit my news to the lfca simple theme 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