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Text of the page (random words):
al wood which borders fields getting absolutely soaked in the rain when i heard one of my favourite sounds that tiny wobbly high pitched bleat followed by a rumbling baritone mumble sirius and i peered over the hedge and there they were mummies and babies calling to each other mummy are you there yes i am here proud ewes and their day or so old lambs it always surprises me how early they come i don t expect them until spring sirius wanted to get in there and sniff them and play with them and chase them more than anything in the known world so i steered her away and we carried on with our walk i could still hear them in the distance though calling and responding love contained in two utterly unique sounds sounds that mean nothing at all to one creature and mean all the world to another such beautiful and special sounds i want to hear my own babies special sound the one that is just for me i want to hear my baby call me and i want so badly to respond posted by luna at 4 43 pm 12 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest wednesday 23 january 2013 another update and an odd decision first of all you are all gorgeous and beautiful and your words of support and advice mean the world to me thank you so much last night i had one of the worst nights sleep i have had in a long while my heart ached and my soul felt shattered and i just could not settle remus is getting up so early at the moment and getting home so late he needs every ounce of sleep and i can t bear to keep him up so i took myself off to the spare bedroom made a cocoon of the duvet and buried myself in a harry potter book i cried for a while read for a while and then tossed and turned in half sleep for a while i woke up thought it was morning and felt so wretched that i needed to be with remus i crawled back into bed with him and sobbed onto his shoulder for a while it turned out it was only three in the morning and i could not stop crying so after a long cuddle i went back to the spare room and repeated my previous attempts to calm down and sleep phew what a mess it doesn t help that today i woke up to cd1 the sad got me big time via etsy anyhoo all that said i actually have great news and i am feeling much much better i was advised from several quarters thank you ladies to periodically call and see if there were cancellations we could nab i called at about three today and i spoke to a very lovely and helpful lady who had a really good look through the system for another appointment there were none at all and she said that they rarely get cancellations for this type of appointment however i then told her the reason i was concerned was that my period was due two days after the appointment that we do have she immediately said but that is perfect if i wasn t on the phone i would have kissed her she assures me that the fact i am only a couple of days from cd1 will not mean that we cant use the cycle she is certain that the bloods and other tests that need to be done will be sorted in time to use this cycle for treatment i am so so happy it looks like we will get a shot at this in late february early march i am realistic i know this treatment may not in fact statistically it probably wont work i am and will be well prepared for that eventuality and i intend to chant my usual hope for the best prepare for the worst mantra but but i will be doing something remus and i will have a chance to make a baby again a chance that it might work that we might get pregnant i just want to know we are in with a shot because so far the last few months have not felt like that at all i have totally given up on the idea of a baby made in our marital bed and that is ok i have mourned that and let it go i don t care how many people are in the room staring up my foof as i am eventually impregnated i just don t care any more bring on the legs akimbo utterly unsexy baby making lets just at least try to make a baby via etsy in other news i made an odd decision i have a gazillion cousins most of whom are girls and all of whom i see at least once every year we are quite close as cousins go and even though we are spreading out around the country we put lots of effort into staying in touch and catching up this year we have not one but two weddings and the hen do s that go along with them two new dresses and four occasions to have a laugh with my home girls hooray the first hen do that is a like bachelorette party btw is in a couple of months and it is for my cousin who is a vet in training she loves all things animal and we are spending the day at a wildlife park and have all been asked to choose a different animal to come as without even thinking about it i baggsied kangaroo for my animal i have always loved them although i would not have said they were my favourite animal it just popped out i want to come as a kangaroo i heard my mouth say then i thought that will be an easy costume ears tail apron with a pocket and a stuffed toy sorted plus i am a bouncy kinda girl i will enjoy that then a day later the penny suddenly dropped i had picked am animal that would mean i was carrying around a baby in a pouch all day i had chosen an animal that could not have screamed wants to be a mother or desperate to be pregnant harder if i had tried my initial reaction was ack i can t go as a kangaroo any more but then the more i thought about it the more i still wanted to to quote the film if you build it they will come perhaps i need to manifest this i need to give into this impulse and hope that it brings me luck what do you all think am i crazy not to change will it be too painful or will i be able to embrace it as a way to will my real little joeys into existence i went ahead and ordered a stuffed toy joey and it arrived today and is gorgeous am i over thinking a silly dressing up costume yes probably but there you go sometimes my mouth makes decisions for me without asking my brain first but maybe that just means i jump in to things i wouldn t otherwise at least i get to play at being a mummy for the day if nothing else ok the crazy is over for today love to you all my bloggy peeps x x x posted by luna at 5 47 pm 31 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest monday 21 january 2013 peeps out and waves update i am still here i promise i am sorry for being a somewhat absent blogger at the moment via etsy i am hibernating that is my excuse mostly i have not blogged because there is just nothing to say i had hoped that by going private things would move a little faster no luck to far nearly two weeks later and i am still waiting for my clinic appointment time to come in the post i am going to call them today if we still have not heard sirius and i and remus when he is not working have been loving the snow though we have been taking long long walks just enjoying the beautiful white world we are suddenly surrounded with other than walks though i have no energy for anything i have been ticking over not really doing much at all i am not sure this is entirely good for me but it is a hard rut to clamber out of the sad seems to have caught me a bit not the wailing sobbing gut wrenching kind but the soft quiet plodding through the day kind i find this harder because it lingers longer and seems to dig in deeper i am sitting here at the moment awaiting my delightful period which should be joining me by thursday hoo flipping ra what i really want to do right now is fuck off on a holiday but we are spending the ski holiday money on attempted baby making my goodness i just read this back i am sorry my lovelies not exactly a bundle of laughs today am i i need to get my boots on and go for another snowey tramp in the woods p s i am seriously considering a move over to wordpress so i can do private posts and let you in a little to the real me i want to be able to blog without censoring myself so much anyway i am looking into it watch this space update i am so fed up with this shit so i couldn t wait for the post so i called to see why my letter has not come it seems that they had interpreted my consultants letter as saying we were waiting for the nhs funding to come through and they were waiting for us to contact them this was in no way what i was told to do by my doctor at the last appointment so now i have missed out on the chance of an appointment this month and they don t have a space until february 19th which due to my cycle will put us back a whole other month to a march start i am utterly gutted and upset and i just don t know what to do i can t trust anything or anyone i feel like the entire burden for this is on me and if i don t hassle all the time i am forgotten about and abandoned the weight of this is drowning me it is so exhausting it shouldn t be like this even after this initial 19th app i will still have to have bloods taken wait for them to come back learn about injections get hold of the meds etc etc etc and as my cycle is around the 25th of the month there is no way we can start end of feb that means two months minimum before we are close to actually getting started i can t take this any more two more months three more months six more months that is all i have heard for the last year and a half we have been fighting for a baby now for over eighteen months and i am shattered exhausted and feeling so alone i am all on my own right now and so sad i wish remus was home right now posted by luna at 12 32 pm 17 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest monday 14 january 2013 serious and sirius visiting the home of a three week old whoopise baby to be told by her parents that the money we are spending on iui would be best spent and i quote on a holiday somewhere nice have lots of sex and relax that is my favourite that is remus very wisely said that if something is not useful i should just let it go i find it so hard though that kind of ignorant and ill thought out statement really hurts me it feels laced with this subtle accusation that we are somehow causing our own infertility i sucked it up however and got on with the visit cuddling the baby however was really truly lovely strangely i don t get remotely broody over other peoples babies like i used to before tcc i enjoy having a smooch and a squee but i am acutely aware that it is not my baby the one i so desperately want i find babies much easier to handle and be around than bumps somehow the baby is a little person but not my little person and i just enjoy saying hi but the bump represents all of this potential all of this magic that i want to experience so badly seeing remus cuddling said baby now that makes me broody as hell good grief aren t feelings complicated old things sirius the dog star via etsy to answer the lovely lady blogalots question on my last post the names on this blog were not originally or intentionally harry potter references it is just a wonderful coincidence i am i admit a massive hp fan but my own pseudonym was in reference to the blog name moon on a stick moon luna then when coming up with a name for my husband i was thinking of moon related things thought of wolves werewolves and remus lupin popped into my head he is my absolute favourite character it did not even register that luna was also a character in hp until later then when naming the dog i was thinking night sky related thoughts moon star dog star sirius that time i did think ho ho more hp but really i think it just goes to show great minds think alike me and jk we are like peas and carrots posted by luna at 2 19 pm 16 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest wednesday 9 january 2013 nearly wordless wednesday winter walk the observant amongst you may notice the first glimpse on this blog of sirius my adored mutt posted by luna at 4 47 pm 11 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest older posts home subscribe to posts atom about me luna luna and 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