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find resonance in her mother who also has wept on similar occasions even as she struggles to come to terms with susan s loss by using reason and faith in tandem to seek a higher meaning to the event her resolve to see her daughter s death as a reminder of her proper subjection to the divine will mirrors the sense of duty that sustained sarah like abigail adams who wrote movingly as well to her husband regarding the loss of a child and many other founding women through the privations and struggles of the war despite this tragedy less than a month later sarah writes eloquently to her husband who has followed the court to st hidalgo leaving her behind in madrid confirming her willing acceptance of her patriotic duty to give up her personal desires for the sake of her country true i am an american it is from that consideration that i relinquish the pleasure of your company when your attention to business which may prove of utility to the public weal renders a separation necessary i am very well indeed in good spirits and am rejoyc d that you still enjoy your health may heaven continue to bless and prosper whatever you design or wish shou d succeed sarah livingston jay to her husband madrid 22nd septbr 1780 throughout her time in europe sarah endured not only separation from her child parents and sisters but frequently from her husband as well whether due to john s travels in spain to her own lying in following the birth of their third daughter ann who was born at ben franklin s home in passy just prior to the signing of the treaty of paris on september 3rd 1783 or to john s subsequent diplomatic trip to london her correspondence and his as well as the letters from her father mother and sisters provide wonderful first hand insights of their experiences to the 21st century reader but also remind us in an age of instantaneous messaging how difficult communication was within and across the colonies and then states around europe and of course across the ocean why we might ask were three signed copies of the treaty of paris sent on three ships because they were hopeful at least one would reach england to be signed by the king among family and friends multiple copies of letters might be sent as well and sarah s letters contain numerous references to finishing something in time to send it with someone who might be travelling or her frustration at not having heard from her sister or father for months on end to keep things clearer the correspondence often makes reference to letters received and the dates sent as in this letter sent by john jay from madrid in november 1780 to his sister in law kitty livingston dear kitty you are without exception the best correspondent i have in america and for that twenty other good reasons every letter i write to congress shall enclose one for you sally has recd answered your last it was dated in july john jay to kitty livingston madrid 23d novr 1780 more ominously he writes to her on december 17th of the same year dear kitty it is uncertain whether this letter will ever come to your hands two or three others are now on the way to you i fear your late letters have been unfortunate the last that reached us was dated in july since we have not heard any thing of the family we suspect that several letters from our friends were committed to mr henry laurens care if so they may one of these days have the pleasure of seeing themselves in print it is said all his papers fell into the enemy s hands he poor man is still in the tower where his reuptation as well as person lies at the mercy of the ministry all the world here are cursing arnold and pitying his wife the precarious mail situation prevented sally and john from receiving frequent notice regarding their son peter whom they had left behind meanwhile although john had been anxious to serve as foreign minister the americans were not well received at the court of spain responding to a now lost letter from her sister kitty reporting rumors that the jays have not put themselves forward in spain sally describes her own efforts to complete her diplomatic obligations despite indisposition from what later letters reveal to be pregnancy related illness mr jay not only return d every visit he receiv d but paid the first comp limen ts to those whose rank intitled them to that attention as for myself tho it was with difficulty i bore the fatigue of dressing i return d those visits i received when the governor s lady waited upon me accopnayed by a coll of the hybernian regt who officiated as interpreter they were introduced into my chamber where i was confi d by my indisposition having been inform d that a denial would be taken ill her ladyship was very polite requesting me to name a day when it would be agreeable to me to dine with her i did tho i much fear d my inability to perform my engagement however i went we were politely presented to a very large circle of genteel company among whom were several foreigners of distinction that spoke english very well but my apprehension of my weakness was but too well founded as i was obliged to retire from table was with difficulty prevented from fainting remaining however too ill to wait the arrival of our carriage the governor s was ordered i returned to my lodgings where for some time i was again confin d as to the hybernian officers count oreilly the commander in chief of the whole province others of distinction were of the number we found there they were very polite and very useful to us their first physician attended with the most friendly assiduity from his skill i deriv d much benefit sarah livingston jay aranjuez may 18th 1781 not knowing that her father in law has already passed away on april 17 1782 sarah writes to him on april 29th of her happiness that her son whom she has not seen for 2 ½ years is with him and to describe her daughter maria born on february 20th the dates pretty much confirm that the indisposition was morning sickness nursing does not yet disagree with me i shall omit no caution necessary to continue to me that pleasure especially as it will prevent embarresments on that score when the signal for our return shall be given though the tranquillity which at your age is so desirable which indeed from your circumstances you was entitled to expect has been unhappily interrupted by the clashing of arms yet i rejoice with you my dear sir that the clouds which obscured american freedom are breaking away that you will have the satisfaction of seeing the exertions of our country crowned with success sarah livingston jay to peter jay madrid april 29 1782 intimate details we might find surprising in a letter to a father in law she is nursing her own child provide a segue to her encomium of the forthcoming peace although not mentioned directly in the letter she and john will be travelling to paris to negotiate the peace and by nursing her baby herself she is spared the challenge and expense of bringing a wetnurse from one country to another sarah s letters affirm as might be expected centuries before the advent of the pill that being pregnant was a very common part of women s lives and as much as possible was not allowed to interfere with the diplomatic role expected of a wife the jays arrive in paris on june 23rd 1782 and two days later receives a letter from the marquise de lafayette adrienne de noialles wife of the famous marquis who is very eager to meet her but is herself indisposed i e with morning sickness madame de lafayette has just learned that madame jay has arrived in paris she is very eager to have the honor of meeting her and would have liked very much to do so as early as this evening to personally hear of her trip but she is not able to go out today due to her health she begs madame jay to find a way so she can make amends tomorrow and to tell her at what hour it might be convenient to visit her with proper form the marquise refers to the deep affection her husband has for mr jay but her warm welcome of mrs jay signals the importance of the relationship between america and france which as the treaty is negotiated is signaled and developed by the personal bonds between the negotiators and their families sarah s experience in france where she is a sought after social butterfly despite becoming pregnant yet again is in marked contrast to her loneliness in spain just as her husband s role is to negotiate peace sarah s role is to build the relationship between france and the nascent united states through positive social interaction although some of sarah s letters to her sisters are somewhat self deprecating acknowledging both that she seems to be socializing all the time and expressing the wish that they had brought along a chaplain so she could attend services as well but she also is cognizant these social events are her job the attractive well dressed and engaging woman attending plays operas and balls is the face of america to the french society whose support of the american cause has proved so crucial in a letter to her mother written from paris a year after the jays departure abigail adams daughter nabby the future abigail adams smith praises the impression sarah has left behind every person who knew her when here bestow many encomiums on mrs jay madame de lafayette said she was well acquainted with her and very fond of her adding that mrs jay and she thought alike that pleasure might be found abroad but happiness only at home in the society of one s family and friends clearly the marquise thought of sarah as her friend toasts written by sarah jay for the ball in honor of the signing of the definitive treaty of paris september 3rd 1783 sarah planned an elaborate ball to celebrate the signing she herself was unable to attend due to the birth of her daughter ann in august she nevertheless composed a series of toasts to be delivered by her husband at that event it has been argued by landa m freeman louise v north and janet m wedge editors of selected letters of john jay and sarah livingston jay 2003 that the toasts here were not actually written by sarah for john to read at the ball but were rather those of john recited on july 4th 1783 when peace was imminent according to the editors the toasts were transcribed by mrs jay and sent in a letter to her sister kitty benjamin west american commissioners of the preliminary peace agreement with great britain 1783 1784 london england oil on canvas unfinished sketch winterthur museum winterthur delaware gift of henry francis du pont from left to right john jay john adams benjamin franklin henry laurens and william temple franklin the british commissioners refused to pose and the picture was never finished no matter what the provenance of the toasts husband or wife they express patriotism a profound gratitude for the assistance of other nations and a deep sensitivity to both the benefits and costs of hard won liberty 1 the united states of america may they be perpetual 2 the congress 3 the king nation of france 4 general washington and the american army 5 the united netherlands all other free states in the world 6 his catholic majesty all other princes powers who have manifested friendship to america 7 the memory of the patriots who have fallen for their country may kindness be shown to their widows children 8 the french officers army who served in america 9 gratitude to our friends moderation to our enemies 10 may all our citizens be soldiers all our soldiers citizens 11 concord wisdom firmness to all american councils 12 may our country be always prepared for war but disposed to peace 13 liberty happiness to all mankind upon sarah and john s return to new york and his return to congress john is appointed u s foreign secretary arguably the most powerful position under the articles of confederation he refuses to expect unless the capitol is moved from trenton to new york and so sarah s parisian training comes in handy as she and her husband establish the custom of weekly dinners for the diplomatic corps and other guests describing such a dinner nabby adams again writes her mother yesterday we dined at mr jay s in company with the whole corps diplomatique mr jay is a most pleasing man plain in his dress and manners but kind affectionate and attentive benevolence is portrayed in every feature mrs jay dresses gaily and showily but is very pleasing upon a slight acquaintance the dinner was a la mode francaise and exhibited more of european taste than i expected to find mr gardoqui was as chatty and sociable as his countryman del campo lady temple civil and sir john more of the gentleman than i ever saw him the french minister is a handsome and apparently polite man the marchioness his sister the oddest figure eyes ever beheld in short there is so much said of and about her and so little of truth can be known that i cannot pretend to form any kind of judgment in what manner or fomr my attention would be properly directed to her she speaks english a little is very much out of health and was taken ill at mr jay s before we went to dinner and obliged to go home these dinners were more than social opportunities although congress was meeting in new york the ratification of the new constitution championed in the federalist papers by john alexander hamilton and james madison was greatly opposed in that state including by governor clinton the bi weekly dinner parties of sarah and john one for diplomats the other for just about any statesman distinguished foreigner or other member of society who might be helpful or converted to the cause became prime opportunities for constitutional lobbying sarah kept a list now at the jay homestead in rye ny of those who attended her dinners in 1787 and 1788 including familiar names like aaron burr governor clinton and the van cortlandts under the constitution of 1787 john jay became the first chief justice of the supreme court when the family settled in new york in 1794 john jay departed for england where he negotiated the treaty of amity commerce and navigation known as jay s treaty which helped improve relations with great britain but angered many who favored france upon return to america jay found that in his absence he had been elected the second governor of new york state where sarah would serve as new york s first lady five years later in 1801 the jays retired to a farm near bedford new york where sarah livingston jay died in 1802 the congressional evolution of the united states of america continental congress of the united colonies presidents sept 5 1774 to july 1 1776 peyton randolph september 5 1774 october 22 1774 henry middleton october 22 1774 october 26 1774 peyton randolph may 20 1775 may 24 1775 john hancock may 25 1775 july 1 1776 commander in chief united colonies states of america george washington june 15 1775 december 23 1783 continental congress of the united states presidents july 2 1776 to february 28 1781 john hancock july 2 1776 october 29 1777 henry laurens november 1 1777 december 9 1778 john ...